Boy Band
by Kaeru Shisho
Summary: The boys in the Slayers band part ways, forming a new one of their own, and discovering themselves in the process. AU, warning: malexmale romance, language, situations.
1. Chapter 1

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter One -- The Break Up**

* * *

"Lina...that's...enough," Zelgadiss said in measured tones, reigning in his emotions as usual. He had reached his limit with his band leader for the second time that day, but his self control was nearing its break point, as it had repeatedly of late. "Ease off the guy. We've been at this for two hours and that's the first time Gourry missed a beat."

"He's either too dense to get what I'm saying or he _thinks_ he's got a mind of his own!" Lina shouted back. "We do the song my way, because it works."

"Gourry, stand up for yourself," Zelgadiss urged him. "You don't have to back down and give into your girlfriend's whims. You've got good taste and have been a drummer for longer than she's been singing." He didn't need to add the obvious, that Gourry was too nice and easy-going for his own good.

The big, handsome drummer ripped out the leather tie holding back his hair and shook his head, causing his long, golden mane to cascade past his waist. "It's okay, Zel. I goofed up."

"Oh, shuddup!" snapped Lina, the leader and lead singer of the popular band. She was tiny, but within her small stature was a dynamo of activity.

"You saying that to him, or me?" Zelgadiss bore into her with his brilliant blue-green eyes, or eye, since one was usually covered by a fall of steely-gray hair, shot through with platinum highlights.

"Both. Now pick up where we left off. We have two more songs to go over before the next gig, and only one more practice session."

"We're not machines, Lina. I say we take a break, and don't look at me that way, or are you going to hit me, too?"

Lina marched right up to him. "I'm the leader and I say: play first, eat later."

"Since when have you _ever_ said that?" Zel said, taking a step toward the exit. "Don't bother answering that. I'm taking a break."

"Don't bother coming back!" she bellowed back.

From a little ways behind Zelgadiss, soft male voice asked, "Are _you_ going to take that from her again?"

Zelgadiss turned toward the young bass player who had asked the question. He parted his lips to respond, but then closed them and frowned. In a nervous gesture, Xelloss ran a hand through his straight, black bangs, parting them slightly and revealing his dark eyes against luminous, pale skin. He leaned his bass guitar against an amp and stood, smiling whimsically, although there was nothing funny about the situation. Zelgadiss met his gaze briefly, his silvery hair shifting as he looked up, and then stomped past them all and out of the building.

"I hate you, you shit-faced little creep!" A pretty, blonde teenage girl screamed in the face of the bass player. "For just being you and for what you've done to our band! It's all over, if the best guitarist available just walked out for the last time."

The raven-haired boy smiled, masking his true feelings and annoying the girl more.

"Blame me, if it makes you feel better, but I'd take him at his word and learn something for the next time; that is, if there is a next time," the bass player said.

"Lina's badgering won't make him leave for good. It's you. Zelgadiss is normal. He has a perfectly good girlfriend in Amelia, and you are poisoning him against her and Lina. You want him to be as a big an outcast as you. No one respects a pervert; you should know."

"Poisoning? _Au contraire_, _Mademoiselle_ Filia. He and I hardly talk at all." The placid smile widened, slightly. "You're just jealous that I like him better than you." Xelloss ducked, easily evading the microphone stand Filia swung over his head. "Of course, I like _everyone_ better than you. Hey! Careful with that! The band's hard-earned money paid for it." He was clever to mention money, bringing their fight to the band leader's attention.

Lina's head twisted around, her wild, burnished red hair flying and her eyes catching Xelloss fending off the microphone still in his assailant's grip. "Filia! Put that down! If you want to bash in Xelloss' brain, fine, but not with my stuff. Use your cell phone." Lina turned to the other girl to her right, sighing. "I can't do it all myself, Amelia. Go out and bring Zel back, kicking and screaming if you have to."

"Okay, Miss Lina. I'm sure he hasn't gone further than the corner coffee shop. I'll be right back, and with Mr. Zelgadiss ready to play!" Amelia took off after her temperamental boyfriend.

Although he played the role of "the voice of reason," Zelgadiss had his limits, and was reaching them at every practice session lately. He hadn't submitted well to Lina's constant driving pressure, and he was even worse at dealing with Amelia's kind of conditioning, which was filled with love and good intentions, but also lectures on correct behavior. The polite, dark-haired girl was the youngest in the band, and for the past two months she and Zelgadiss had been dating. They looked an unlikely pair. It was clear that she adored him, but she couldn't resist attempting to mold him into the perfect beau– something he _could_ resist effectively.

But, he wasn't as heartless as he thought he wanted to be. When Amelia and Zelgadiss re-entered the practice hall, they were carrying boxes of Chinese takeout and bakery cookies. And an hour later everyone was still in attendance, no one had fled or quit, and they were all refreshed. The band returned to rehearsing and all was back to normal, or near enough. Lina had collected them all and formed the highly successful band, but they were talented, volatile, and practically strangers.

(o)

After practice Xelloss packed up his bass, stowed it in the locker, and skipped out to catch the downtown bus. Sometimes it was torture, being in the band, and he couldn't wait to get away. He climbed into the back of the bus and rode in the foggy night, past the nice apartments, the swanky restaurants, boutiques, and hopped off in the tenderloin district. A couple hundred feet to the door was all he had left before he entered the familiar warmth of the smoky bar. He wiped the moisture from his eyelashes and nose with his shirt sleeve, and then looked around for a friendly face.

He had started coming to this bar as an underage teen, and fast became a favorite adornment with his pretty face, amusing stories and witty repartee, as well as his notoriety as a musician. He was about to become legal and hoped to have a boyfriend with whom to celebrate the event, but it wasn't likely. Not that he didn't have plenty of men and boys to pick from, but he was choosey, and he had made his choice. All he had to do was get the guy to break up with his girlfriend for good and accept that he was better off with him. But who was he fooling? To give up a sure-thing relationship for a risky gay one was not realistic; no sane man made that choice. Xelloss smiled a little more, thinking that he'd just have to drive the guy crazy with his charm. Right. Speaking of loony...

His attention was drawn to a little scuffle at one of the tables. Another kid, probably underage too, was being bullied by that swaggering brute of a man, Gaav. Xelloss recognized the boy with the soft, mint-green hair. He had seen him in the bar before. He had danced with him one time before he caught the hungry eye of Gaav. The kid was tall and lanky with strong arms. Nice, nervous, but that was then.

Now, Xelloss could tell that he had changed. The boy's eyes were hard, edgy; his innocence lost. Xelloss stood up, intending to walk over and disrupt whatever was going on, when Gaav heaved himself out of his chair, knocking it over, and grabbing the boy by the upper arm.

"Getcher ass outta here and back where you belong."

The boy closed his eyes and dipped his head, docile once again.

"Yeah, let's go," he muttered as he rose to his feet, and then accompanied Gaav past the bar.

Gaav met Xelloss' eyes in passing. "Keep your bloody nose out of my business," the big man said with a guttural growl, clenching Xelloss' arm with his other hand in a bone-crushing grip.

"I don't like whelps like you sniffing around my bitch." He raised his bushy red eyebrows and grinned. "Unless you've changed your mind and want some too."

Xelloss tugged gently, testing for escape possibilities, but decided that his entire arm and shoulder would get ripped off he made a mad dash for the stairs. Xelloss shook his head, but didn't drop his serene smile.

"No thank you."

He didn't say "no sex" because it wasn't necessary. It was known in the bar that Xelloss limited his intimate contact to kissing and dancing. He was avoiding disease and saving himself for a boyfriend of quality, no matter how long it took. That localized information, however, made him vastly more desirable.

Gaav drew his eyebrows into a hedgerow frown and leaned closer. "And you tell your boss to keep his greedy little fingers out of my pie, or I'll cut them off."

Xelloss stumbled backwards into a stool as Gaav released him, and watched until the man and his slave were out the door. Xelloss turned his back on the room.

"Whiskey," he said, pointing out a bottle to the man behind the bar. "Yeah, that good one."

His attention was distracted away from his drink by an eager, friendly voice.

"Um, Xelloss? Would you like to dance?"

"Not in the mood," Xelloss told a lean youth with the sunken eyes, another regular. His charm and articulateness had withered away.

"Ah, come on, dude. Give me a chance."

Xelloss simply shook his head, not bothering with a "no."

"Okay, another time maybe?"

The guy backed off. He hadn't expected anything more. Xelloss, he knew from experience, was seldom tempted. He preferred to stay at the bar, talk, listen, and only occasionally dance. He was a bass player with excellent rhythm, an attractive package, and a secret life.

Xelloss sipped his single malt whiskey and watched the man behind the bar serve up a beer. He liked it here because nobody cared about his celebrity, even if it was localized to the band scene in the city of Seyruun.

"You're quiet tonight," said the barkeep.

"Rough practice, that's all." Xelloss passed his hand through his hair, sliding a long, straight side behind an ear.

As he sipped again, he saw out of the corner of his eye, a feminine Japanese man settle onto the stool beside his.

"You need someone to share your bed, not a drink, sweetie."

"Possibly, but it won't be happening anytime soon, Miwan."

Xelloss set his empty glass on the counter, pulled out a five. He cocked his head as a familiar tune started playing.

"_Brazil_," said Miwan, eyes bright with expectation. "You like this one."

"Yes, it's a _rumba_. And one with syncopation plus an even number of beats," Xelloss said, sighing.

He had spent hours teaching Miwan to dance; he was the right size and shape; practically like the young ladies he had practiced with as a kid, and he was the only one with which Xelloss could dance the rumba.

"Okay, just the one dance, then I go," Xelloss said and led him onto the small dance floor, his smile weary.

"Hard practice again?"

"Always, anymore. Gourry is just so..."

"Nice," Miwan said, completing Xelloss' thought, one he had repeated over the past year many times.

Miwan intertwined his fingers with Xelloss', making the most of his brief moment in the man's arms, and then said, "Let me tell you about the band, see if I've memorized the story."

"If you must."

"Okay. Gourry is a sweet, gentle giant of a man, or a handsome hunk to most eyes. He and Lina met at a club where he was singing country music and playing drums, and she was singing duos with an older girl named Nahga. Nahga could sing, but she drank too much and screwed up too many gigs. Lina hated unprofessional behavior, unless it was hers, so she dumped her. Of course, everyone knows that Lina didn't like all the attention Nahga was getting due to her voluptuous figure, but I can't imagine Lina breaking up a moneymaking venture like that over a bigger pair of breasts, can you?"

Xelloss chuckled. "No, but we aren't the ones who'd care about breasts, after all. You're doing very well tonight, by the way."

Miwan blushed with pleasure and, encouraged, continued his recitation.

"Lina and Gourry hit it off, though, so when Nahga and Lina folded, Lina talked Gourry into quitting his band and starting a new the vocal group with her. Some guys are awful pushovers for the right girl, or guy...in some cases."

Xelloss looked down into a pair of hopeful wide, eyes.

"Not me, and not you, so get that idea out of your head."

Miwan shrugged, not expecting anything else from Xelloss, and went on.

"Some said it was out of spite that Lina replaced Nahga with her younger sister, Amelia, as her backup singer. What do you think?"

"Could be, but Amelia's a fine singer and easier to manipulate. She has poise and stamina, but no more self-control than Nahga or Lina or Filia, for that matter. She just has a different soapbox to shout from."

"Not someone you particularly like. Anyway, was it Gourry who suggested they bring in a band?"

"Yeah. He's said he preferred to stick to the drums and not compete for a share of the spotlight with his explosive girlfriend."

"Which I bet was fine with Lina," Miwan said. "So, as it is written, Lina looked up another performer she had run into a few times, and sweet-talked Zelgadiss into leaving his "going nowhere" solo career– a decision he was never completely satisfied having made, am I right?"

"Possibly. He doesn't confide in me, but he's grown more discontented lately."

"He should be given a chance to sing, with that wonderful voice of his. Is he nice?" Miwan asked, watching Xelloss for a reaction.

Xelloss, however, was hiding his eyes and masking any emotions. He answered carefully.

"Not particularly. He restricts his conversation to professional topics and his other comments tend to be acerbic."

Miwan stored away that information, and then went on.

"Anyway, shortly after adding Zelgadiss, Filia joined as another singer to round out the big sound Lina wanted. The band was nearly complete. It had been created as a performing group and not a cluster of good friends. In fact, only Lina and Gourry shared a life outside the band."

"Ah, pretty much right, except Amelia and Lina are pretty close friends now. And..."

"I'm not done yet! Still missing, they all agreed, was the unfilled bass position, until the bass player from the infamous Beastmaster alternative band showed up at a practice one day."

Xelloss' smile returned. "I remember exactly what I said, too. I told Lina: 'A little birdie told me you needed a bass player.' I had another part-time job, and I told her that I couldn't guarantee I'd be available at a moment's notice. And I told her I was gay, and she said, 'That's pretty obvious. I already got a boyfriend anyway.' Then she invited me in for a trial."

"She must have liked your musicianship as well as your harmless, good looks."

"Oh, possibly. I have irritated Lina to the breaking point by missing a few important practices, and she hasn't throttled me nearly as often as Gourry, yet."

"And– let's see if I can quote the Seyruun Stargazer– 'Xelloss has established himself as the pulse of the new Slayers band, and created a hate-hate relationship with the beautiful backup singer Filia the night he turned away her advances.' But why, I ask?"

Xelloss answered in his head:_ preferring to hopelessly love the lead guitarist from afar_, but aloud he said, "Something like that happened, yeah. And after that, Lina still wanted a keyboard player in the band, or someone who could do synthesizer material, but no one she wanted was available."

"You were doing okay without one. I imagine she felt the same way, so she stopped hunting and concentrated on expanding your song list and getting the band gigs."

"Whose story is this?" Xelloss laughed aloud.

"Feeling better?" Miwan asked.

The song had stopped, but he hadn't relinquished Xelloss warm hand. It was an intimate gesture, holding hands, and he wanted the moment to last. Who knows? It could be his lucky night.

"Yes, thanks for getting me out of my funk."

"My pleasure. We wouldn't want the others to think you were becoming a boring drunk like the rest of them, not when you are still in the height of your youth."

Xelloss hadn't intended to talk so long; he didn't want to lead Miwan on, either. He was a nice guy just not Zelgadiss. He shook his hand free with a curt "Later" then departed. He moved swiftly to the back of the bar, down the corridor where the bathrooms lined up, and to a dark staircase.

"One, two, three, four--" he muttered, counting the stairs to his room.

Once inside his one-room, efficiency apartment, he flopped onto his bed. His head pounded in time with the music from the bar below, making him wonder why he didn't move someplace better. He could afford it, but oh, yeah... why bother? If he had a nice boyfriend who agreed to be his roommate, then he'd treat them both to a nice place. A quiet place with a view. No, there was reason to wonder why: he didn't move because he didn't deserve a life. He wiped tears from his face, stripped off his clothes, and lay nude on top of his blanket, staring at the ceiling.

He found his pleasure in an easy rhythm, to a beat of his own, repeating his mantra, "Zel-ga-diss, Zel-ga-diss..."

(o)

For the longest time the band remained _as is_, fighting, playing, and becoming immensely successful. But the more jobs they got, the more time they spent together, heightening the artistic differences and deepening the disagreements. They were in demand so they could afford to be choosy where they played, but Lina was driven to make as much money as possible, often asking too much from the others. She could even wear through Gourry's mellow exterior.

"Not like that, Gourry. Is your brain just jellyfish? I want the cymbals for the highlights the second time through," Lina explained for the third time that week.

"I don't know. Seems like they're fine how I was doing it," he tried.

"Well, you're wrong. It ruins the dynamics. I want the sound to swell."

Meanwhile, Amelia crusaded to cheer everyone up, or, in the case of Xelloss, find him a girlfriend who would put him "on the straight and narrow." Xelloss cringed and made a big deal out of needing to tune his instrument when she rounded on him.

"You need to eat better and do more than work out at the dojo, Mr. Xelloss. You need to have fun," Amelia said.

"I have fun. Thank you for your interest. Now excuse me, but I need to hear what I'm doing."

Ignoring him, Amelia continued. "You haven't found the right girl. I just know there's one out there who's perfect and will turn you to the right and healthy path."

Xelloss held back the desire to roll his eyes.

"You might be right."

It wouldn't do to start an argument with Zel's girl; it would only give him a headache and the one from the night before had just subsided. How could he make her understand that it wasn't his choice to be gay? Considering the problems he had, why would he add loneliness and rejection intentionally? What he really wanted to say, he wouldn't– just turn your boyfriend over to me. _That_ would be perfect.

Not that anyone knew about his crush on the guitarist. He had wisely kept that a secret. He might have made a joke about it once, Filia only guessed, maybe Amelia suspected, but he never gave anyone cause to think he had a soft spot for a member of the band– especially Zelgadiss himself.

A loud smack brought the room to silence. Gourry covered his throbbing cheek with a hand.

"What was that for, Lina?"

"For not listening to what I told you! For the life of me, I don't see what's so hard to understand about 'no cymbals'!"

Zelgadiss broke his silence.

"Nothing, Lina. Nothing hard about it at all, except that Gourry doesn't agree and can't win an argument with you."

Lina spun around. "I wasn't talking to you, so bug out."

"You weren't talking to either of them," Xelloss put in. "You were _yelling_."

"And hitting," Gourry bravely added.

"I'm trying to get you _goofuses_ to focus here and get this song done. We gotta gig tomorrow and this is not ready," Lina explained.

"_Goofuses_? That's what you think of us, your goofy sidekicks?" Zelgadiss said, angrier than usual. "We have plenty of material. Just skip the damned song."

"Absolutely not. The song's essential for the right pacing of the set."

"Not to me, or Gourry, I'm guessing. No, I've had enough. That's it, I'm gone."

"You can go, after the song–"

"No, I mean that I'm gone for good. I'll do the gig, because I promised and I need the money, but then that's where my servitude ends."

Zel snapped shut the guitar case.

Amelia ran to his side, horrified at what had transpired.

"Mr. Zelgadiss, you can't just give up. We need you. We've come so far. How can we get on without you?"

He nearly shoved the case into the locker out of habit, but then stopped. Looking over his shoulder, Zelgadiss paused to say what he hoped would be his last words to the stunned group.

"It's been fun, up until now, but I belong on my own. Good bye."

Amelia immediately rushed to his side, begging him to reconsider "for the good of the band, for the fans!"

He wrested his arm from her grip, saying, "I have to do this."

Xelloss moved to follow Zel out the door at the same moment Filia moved to block him. Amelia threw herself into Filia's arms, breaking into sobs.

"I think he _means_ it this time."

"I think you're right," Filia agreed. "Pull yourself together and try to talk some sense into him. Don't let that piece of garbage go after him first."

Xelloss looked at the door then back at the girls who were effectively hindering his exit route. "If you'll excuse me–" he began, when an ear-splitting crash from a falling cymbal stand stifled all other conversation. Before something else could slow his exit, Zelgadiss tightened his grip on his guitar and sprang out the studio door.

Gourry was standing, his face pinched, soft blue eyes sad. The drumsticks trembled in his hand as he fought to control his rage. Whatever had passed between Lina and him had been serious enough to cause him to react so strongly.

"If that's how you feel about me, then I'd better go, too," Gourry said, his voice so low Xelloss and the girls could hardly hear him.

"Well, you'd better not go back to my place tonight," Lina spit out between gritted teeth. "Or _ever_, for that matter!"

He looked so forlorn, Xelloss felt suddenly torn between chasing after Zelgadiss and comforting Gourry. Zelgadiss had an apartment to go home to, so Xelloss could find him later. Gourry didn't; he would need a place to stay tonight. Xelloss made his decision and changed course to converge with Gourry's path.

"I'll take those sticks," Xelloss said as he removed the drumsticks from the oblivious man and set them on a drum head. He took Gourry by the elbow and guided him to the door. "You can sleep on my couch, okay?"

Gourry nodded. "Ah, sure...thanks."

Xelloss paused just outside the studio. He didn't even know if Gourry had a car, but he'd seen him in Lina's often enough.

"Did you catch a ride with Lina, or bring your car?" Gourry couldn't bring himself to say Lina's name; he just shook his head.

"Bus then," Xelloss said, and then rushed them to the stop just in time to climb on.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter One. 


	2. Chapter 2

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Two -- The Accident**

* * *

Gourry sat silently, hair sparkling with raindrops where the fine drizzle caught and held. He studied his hands, then his feet, oblivious of where he was or where Xelloss was taking him. He had just broken up with his girlfriend, leaving him without a place to live, and with his band, leaving him without a source of income. It had all happened in a moment of anger, a sudden moment of release after months of build up. He wasn't regretting his decision; he was just dazed and did not want to think about what to do next. He really wanted to dull his senses completely and deal with his problems in the morning.

"Here's our stop." Xelloss led the taller man out of the bus, down the block, and into the bar below his room.

"Drink's a good idea," Gourry said, eyes lackluster, but with a little smile.

"Oh? Okay, then."

Xelloss hadn't planned to stop for drinks, but why argue? He wasn't sure, though, whether to take his band mate over to a private table or introduce him to the service counter. Gourry made up his own mind and fell onto a stool at the bar. Xelloss met the barman's curious look with a smile.

"Hi. Meet my friend Gourry. He's..."

"Your drummer. Yeah, I know. What will you have?"

"Beer," Gourry muttered.

"Bring him a whiskey and soda, too," Xelloss added.

"No soda," Gourry amended. He looked to Xelloss and shrugged. "Got the beer for that."

Xelloss winced at the combination and what that would do to his constitution, but then figured the man just wanted to knock himself out of his misery fast and hard. Besides, Gourry was a very big man and it probably took a lot more alcohol to give him a buzz. The barkeep probably thought so too; he didn't blink an eye.

"I'll have a beer," Xelloss said.

While they drank in companionable silence, Xelloss looked around the room. A few of the regulars, a few new faces, and there was Gaav with his unhappy-faced boy at the table. Xelloss wished he knew the kid's name; 'Gaav's boy' was insulting. The kid wore his shoulder-length green hair tied back with a black bandana, revealing what appeared to be a pair of parallel stripes tattooed on both his cheeks. Poor kid. He now bore Gaav's mark of ownership. Xelloss nodded their way and to several other young men blatantly staring at him, extremely curious. Xelloss never brought anyone into the bar with him. He looked back at the barkeep, then down at his empty glass, smiling as he thought how surprised they'd all be when he took Gourry upstairs. He knew those stares were masking envy. Gourry was a very handsome, well-built, sexually attractive man to women and men, and he was as famous as himself.

"This way." Xelloss led the slightly inebriated man upstairs, pushed open his door. "Here we are."

It took three seconds to figure out that Gourry wouldn't fit on the couch.

"You can have the bed, then," Xelloss offered grandly.

Gourry swayed but didn't move. Unsure of Gourry's reticence, Xelloss tried to assure him it was safe.

"No one sleeps in it but me, ever."

Gourry looked at him, disbelief plastered over his face.

"I'm not stupid, Xelloss. You at least never treated me like I'm an idiot, so don't start now."

Xelloss' eyebrows rose into his bangs. This was not the time to delve into personal history. It was a stand off, both wary of the other's intent.

"Believe me, or not. That's up to you, though I would be nice if you did. Anyway, help me put on clean sheets."

Xelloss collected the sheets from a box stowed beneath the bed. He tore off the bedding and pillowcases, and then Gourry stepped in to lend him a hand. They worked in tandem with Gourry's extended reach accomplishing the task quickly.

Xelloss tossed the last pillow in place and noticed Gourry watching him.

"You want anything else? Water? Shower? I have clean towels."

"No. Sorry, Xelloss for saying what I did. No reason to take out my frustrations on you, when you were just being nice."

"Well, that's okay."

"So, you don't want to sleep with me?"

Xelloss' mouth fell open. He had not been expecting Gourry to say a thing like that at all.

"Ah, no. I mean, I should, that is, there's no reason not to except I don't, you know, do that–"

He stopped sputtering nonsense as Gourry's chuckling drowned him out.

"Ha, hoooo... I meant, since it's your bed, we could share, like brothers, you know. I hate kicking a man from his own bed."

"Oh!" Understanding was swift as his face flushed with embarrassment. "Of course, I'm not thinking right."

Xelloss didn't allow his eyes to linger on the man's broad back as Gourry removed his shirt. As Gourry turned to face him, Xelloss had no trouble imagining what it would be like burying his face in that chest, but he didn't stare, however, the strain of self control must have been apparent on his face.

"Listen, Xel, if this isn't gonna work out, I should go."

"No! Oh, sorry. I'm fine with all this, I really am. It's, um, I don't get many visitors, er, any at all. Shit, I'm saying this all wrong. You're my friend. Things are cool. Besides," Xelloss managed to meet the other man's eyes at last. "You're not really my type."

Gourry's eyes widened significantly as he said, "You really _do_ like guys?"

Xelloss stood, aghast again.

"Well, yes. I told Lina I was gay before I joined the band. I figured she told everyone because she said it wouldn't be a problem. It's not, is it?"

Gourry's eyes clouded over at the mention of Lina's name again.

"I guess not. I never had a... gay...friend before."

"Yes, you have! Me! I haven't changed. It's the same old me you've been playing music with for the past year. You really didn't know? What with all Filia's nasty remarks–"

"I don't pay Filia much mind. I figured you were just shy." He sat on the bed, thinking. "I don't listen much to rumors –"

"Ah, that's probably a smart thing, in my case. So, you're sure you're okay with this?" Xelloss asked again.

"–But I do read, some. You say you're gay and you don't sleep with anyone? That magazine showed you with girls."

"Photo op. Mass appeal. And, no, I don't sleep around. I'm waiting for a special boyfriend."

The man nodded.

"Listen, Gourry. This is only awkward if we let it be. You're tired. I'm tired. We're band buddies and you're crashing with me until you figure what you do next. I'm not diseased; I'm not going to attack you or anything."

Gourry chuckled again at that remark.

"Like you could, huh?" Gourry said, still smiling.

Xelloss was about to point out that with his martial arts background he could easily subdue a man of Gourry's size, but thought better of it. He could tell the man later.

"Right, so you have nothing to fear from me."

"Okay. Thanks, Xelloss."

Xelloss turned off the light and moved to sit on a crate under the window. He couldn't possibly sleep now. His heart was safe, but his mind was filled with lustful thoughts. He watched the rain falling past the street lights and the glow of neon from the strip club further down the block. The quiet breathing of the other man slowed and deepened to a resonant snore. There was something soothing sharing his small world with another person, but he couldn't help but wish it were a particular special man.

Zelgadiss...

Xelloss remembered that he was going to check on his whereabouts, realizing at the same time that he had no idea where the man lived. With a quick check on Gourry, who was asleep, Xelloss crept out of the apartment and down the stairs. Just as he was about to enter the bar, his cell phone rang.

"Damn!"

It was rarely anything but bad news.

He took the cell phone out of his cargo pocket.

"Hello?"

Xelloss' face expressed exhaustion and concern as he listened, waiting to discover who was calling, and then wonder and pleasure washed over him when he recognized the voice.

"Zelgadiss?"

"I'm outside Gourry's, or Lina's place, I guess. No one's here."

Not to mention disappointment. Zelgadiss wasn't looking for him; this wasn't a first-time social call. He drew a breath and let it out slowly to restore his heartbeat to normal, then Xelloss explained what had happened between Gourry and Lina after Zel had left the practice.

"So, I invited Gourry to stay here. Are you okay? Would you like to...talk?"

"Gourry's at _your_ place?"

"Yes." Xelloss was tempted to leave it at that and let Zel's mental gears chew it over, but added, "He's sleeping. I can't."

He wanted to ask Zel to come over, but to where? The _gay_ bar? Too, obvious. His apartment? Full up, currently.

"Need some company?" Xelloss settled on, thinking that was safe.

There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

"No. I'm just going home, then. I'll check with you tomorrow," Zelgadiss said finally.

Xelloss knew that the more brusque Zelgadiss was, the more emotionally strained he was, and tonight he sounded very stressed. Xelloss didn't want to test his friend's limits.

"Okay. Good idea. Yes, call me. Gourry may be here for a few days."

"Where are you? Sounds like a nightclub."

"It is, sort of. I live above it."

More silence.

"Right. Then, later."

"Bye, Zelgadiss."

He closed up the phone and sank into his place at the bar.

"Hard duty tonight." The barkeep didn't pose it as a question. "One upstairs, one on the phone... Hard to balance it all out, eh?"

The man grinned maliciously at Xelloss.

Xelloss opened his mouth to reply, when a cry and shout erupted from the tables in the back. He spun on his seat in time to see Gaav grab his boy by the scuff of the neck and pound his face into the table.

"Shut your smartass mouth, boy! Guess I've been treating you too nice, huh? Get up; time to go and straighten you out."

A path cleared to the door. Gaav shoved the boy ahead of him, outside and into his car. A chatter of shocked and interested voices started up around the bar in their wake.

"Too bad," the barkeep said, then moved away to serve another young man.

Xelloss agreed. He suddenly felt the need to be in a quiet place, but having no place like that readily available, he decided to return to his room. He closed the door, remembering Gourry was asleep in his bed and that it wasn't a dream. His hair felt greasy, and he knew he must smell like smoke and bar stool.

"Shower," he whispered.

On the way to the bathroom, he stopped at the window.

"Still raining," he said just as a screech of tires drowned out the music below.

Usually that would be that, brakes burning up then maybe a blast of horns, but this time there followed a dull thud and crunch like a refrigerator had been dropped outside his door. Xelloss craned his neck to see the crash, when he heard yet another set of screeches and the gut wrenching noises of a second more forcible impact.

Shouts of people directing action were next. He knew the sirens of emergency vehicles and police were sure to come, and they did. He turned away from the dreary view and smiled over at the snoring man stretched out on his bed. None of the trauma unfolding outside had troubled Gourry's slumbers.

Xelloss had just stepped into the bathroom when he heard thunderous pounding on his door.

"What now?" he wondered aloud.

He opened the door.

"Miwan? What the hell do you want?"

"Come down! Didn't you hear the crash? It was Gaav's car. But the other–"

"Gaav! He had that boy in there with him, too. Are they hurt?"

"You mean Valentino? I don't know. They haven't pulled anyone out yet. Come on, you gotta see."

_Valentino?_

The rain had escalated to a torrent, adding misery to the disaster. The scene was a madhouse and light-show out of a movie, but the smell of grease, oil, and burning rubber mixed with the metallic bite of blood lent reality to the horror that no amount of rain could wash away. Xelloss watched a jaws-of-life extract the driver from one of the vehicles, and his heart nearly stopped.

"Lina!" Xelloss shouted.

He was running before he was aware of the danger around him. Strong hands forcibly stopped his advance.

"Lina!" he cried out again.

"You can you identify the victim?" an officer asked.

"Y-yes. That's Lina Inverse. She's my band leader."

"Lina Inverse. Okay, and who are you, young man?"

"Xelloss."

His last name wasn't necessary.

"Is she okay? Will she be okay?"

"Come along with the ambulance to the hospital," said a paramedic from behind him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the barest slip of a boy running. He checked again, thinking it might be Miwan trying to follow, but the waif was gone, if he'd not been an apparition from the start. Xelloss shook it off, and then wasted no time climbing into the van, strapping in, and sitting for the nightmarish ride to the hospital. To him, Lina appeared to be swathed in bandages. A face mask covered her face and lines ran in and out from beneath a sheet, feeding data to the multitude of monitors. He didn't bother asking if she would be all right. The triage team had done all they could and he could see by the steady blips that her heart was still beating.

Once they reached the emergency entrance, the team hopped to action, and Lina disappeared past the ER doors. Xelloss wandered in a daze to a bench and sat down. Everything had happened so quickly; he had to think. He should tell Gourry, but how? He knew Gourry didn't carry a cell phone, and he couldn't call his apartment because his only phone was in his pocket. He pulled out his cell phone and called Zelgadiss.

"Hey, um...something terrible's happened and I'm at the hospital. No, I'm fine. It's Lina. It's bad, an accident outside where I live. Yeah, if you want to, but first... wait! You need to get Gourry at my place. I'll give you directions, but you can't park close; the street's blocked."

Xelloss told him how to find the back alley to the bar and his room number, then added, "Go to the barman and tell him who you are. Right, a passkey. I'm calling him now and he'll let you in. Okay, he might do that too, but he's not likely to want to leave the bar unwatched. You don't have to be afraid to go in alone. My room's not a festering rat hole!"

Zelgadiss assured him that he hadn't thought so and that he wasn't trying to avoid entering it. He had only sought to shorten the number of steps and thus speed up the task. Oh– and that he'd bring Gourry to the hospital immediately, and then he hung up.

Xelloss returned to his plastic chair in the waiting room, trying to sort out all he needed to do, but his mind just replayed the awful events he'd been through and seen.

"Valentino? Gaav's boy has a name and it's Valentino," Xelloss said aloud, the information finally settling in after several minutes.

He had forgotten temporarily about Gaav and Valentino– Val. Xelloss couldn't deal with a name like Valentino.

He needed to do something. He stood and found the nurse's station.

"Excuse me," he said, clearing his throat which was hoarse from screaming.

Immediately he had the attention of one of the staff, which wasn't hard with his striking looks, familiar to most anyone under the age of thirty in Seyruun.

"What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for someone, ah...," he read the name off her badge, "Nurse Sylphiel. See, there was this other car in the wreck and they must have just brought in the men. I know them, too."

"You're Xelloss from the Slayers band, aren't you?"

"Yes, and the girl in there is the band's leader, and I really need to find out about those guys, please."

She gave him directions to a room on the same corridor.

"One of them's in there."

"Thanks," he said, his throat raw and tight with tension. "Can you tell me anything? Are they okay?"

"I'm sorry. The older man is in critical condition in the operating room. The younger one was treated at the scene of the accident, and is now is resting. He had minor contusions and a concussion." She wasn't supposed to tell him that much, but fame had its bonuses. "Oh, you'll pass a drinking fountain on the way."

He thanked her, checked the time, figured Zelgadiss would _at best _be at the bar about now.

"I have time."

He quick-stepped his way down the hall, stopping for a soothing drink before arriving at the room as an orderly was leaving.

He waited for the hospital worker to enter the next room, and then let himself in. Val was lying on his back beneath clean white sheets, his forehead bandaged, but otherwise he looked okay. Xelloss let out his breath, relieved.

"At least you'll live."

He stood, staring down at the still face for a long time. He hated to see nice looking guy get messed up by bullies like Gaav.

"I'd like to help you get back on your feet, if you'd let me."

Since the boy was obviously sleeping and unable to answer, there was no reason to remain any longer. Xelloss left the room as quietly as he had entered, disturbing no one, and returned to his seat in the waiting room. His boredom was interrupted by his buzzing cell phone.

"Yes?"

It was Zelgadiss, again.

"I've got Gourry. We're on our way. I estimate we'll be at the hospital in ten minutes. Where do we meet you?"

"Outside the critical condition unit– that's what the sign says. Ask Nurse..." He hunted his brain for the name he'd read on the helpful nurse's lapel. "Sylphiel. She'll show you the way from the nurse's station."

"Sylphiel. Sounds familiar. Thanks."

He had an entire conversation without becoming delirious at the sound of Zel's voice. Xelloss smiled, suspecting that his nerves must be truly frazzled for that to happen. All he could do was sit and wait now.

He ran a hand through his sleek hair, reminding him that he needed a shower, and wondered when he'd get that. His thoughts kept drifting back to Lina, the fighting. Was there still a band? Not likely after that fight, and with Lina hurt they'd have to cancel their upcoming gigs, but for how long? Indefinitely. Permanently, if the band was broken.

Hospital employees rushed by, intent on their individual tasks, leaving the hallway empty and hushed before the next crew shuffled by, heads together, muttering. The fluorescent lights hummed overhead, one flickered intermittently. He was glad he couldn't see himself in a mirror; he must look ghastly.

He looked up expectantly when Gourry and Zelgadiss entered from the side passage, grateful for the company– and distraction. Xelloss tried not to stare at the way Zel moved, his quick and agile motions, his brilliant blue-green eyes peeking from beneath his silver bangs. He was everything Xelloss dreamed of each and every night.

"Xelloss? So, what happened?"

He told the short version of what had happened, but he couldn't tell them anything about Lina's condition.

"She's still in the ER. Just have to wait, they say."

Unsatisfied, Zelgadiss left immediately to find a doctor with some information, leaving Gourry to collapse on a chair next to Xelloss. One look at Gourry's face and he could see the turmoil and pain the man was going through. The guy had just broken up with his girlfriend and probably with the band. Now he was having to deal with this.

An anguished howl from across the hall disrupted the calm.

"That's Val's room," Xelloss guessed, rising and moving toward the room.

Gourry followed robotically. "Who?"

"Valentino. No one you know. He was a passenger in the car that rear-ended Lina's."

Xelloss entered the room to find an orderly attempting to quiet the young man.

"Gaaaav!" Val cried out between sobs. "I have to go to him. Where is he?"

The hospital attendant would tell him nothing; he probably knew nothing. Xelloss, however, pushed closer, and as his ministrations seemed to bring calm to the boy's state, the orderly backed off.

"He's in surgery, Val. Gaav was hurt badly and is in the ER; that's all I know. Lina, she's in our band leader. She was hurt, too. Zelgadiss, he's our guitarist, you know, he's gone to get an update on how they're doing. Anything we find out we'll let you know."

Val's gaze sharpened as he concentrated on Xelloss' face, taking in all he said, and trying to remember where he knew him from. Guessing what Val's next questions might be, Xelloss continued.

"I'm Xelloss, from the bar–"

"Yeah," Val's eyes traveled to Gourry. "Is that you, Gabriev? What are you doing here? Oh, yeah...you're in the Slayers now, too. Whoa, my head hurts."

"Lina's in there," Gourry said, his tone hollow, but then he recognized the other boy. "Val, yeah, I remember you now. You were in that country-rock band. I can't remember the name."

"That was long ago, dude. I quit that and moved on to heavy metal, but that band broke up, too. I've been out of a band for a while– just studio stuff."

Which was why he hooked up with a man like Gaav, Xelloss filled in. Gaav's alternative music record label handled several musicians for studio band jobs.

"So, you were working in Gaav's studio?" Xelloss asked.

"Played keyboards, among other things."

Xelloss figured he knew what the other things were since Gaav was a heavy-duty dom in S&M circles and Val an obvious, but impertinent, sub type, as well as a male prostitute.

"Did Gaav scar your face?"

"You like these?" Val gently rubbed one cheek. "Nah, just henna. Might wanna change the design," he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "when he gets better." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, controlling his emotions. "I can't stay here."

"Your chart says you stay. You had a concussion." Gourry was reading the notes left by the emergency room doctor. "Torn shoulder ligaments. Yeah, you oughta stay overnight."

"W-what will I do?"

Val turned to look into Xelloss' eyes, hidden beneath his thick bangs. Val's eyes were an unusual golden hue, currently reflecting panic.

"I'll have nothing, no place to go, if-if anything happens to him."

Xelloss thought it might be the best thing for the guy if Gaav up and died, but didn't say that.

"He'll be fine, I wouldn't worry. If you need a place to crash while he recuperates, I'll get you something."

"I'll be needing a place, too," Gourry muttered. "Can't run you out of your own place."

Val looked at both men, a quizzical expression on his face, when Zelgadiss walked into the room.

"So this is where you are," Zel said.

"Sorry." Xelloss was first to apologize.

He smiled and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He couldn't help it; even under the circumstances he felt tingly attraction for the young man with the silvery hair.

"This is Val and he just woke up from the accident. He was in the other car– he wasn't the driver, though. Val, this is Zelgadiss."

Zelgadiss acknowledged Val with a curt nod, then reported, "Lina's in stable condition, which is good. They won't let us see her until tomorrow, but her sister's on the way. I suppose I should call Amelia."

Xelloss felt a cold dagger of jealousy stab through his heart. Whatever happened to cupid and his little arrows of love?

"And Filia. We have to cancel the next week's jobs. I'm tempted to cancel the rest of the month, but that's not really my problem any more."

"You're still thinking of quitting the band, then?" Gourry asked. "Even with Lina, you know–"

"Yes. Her getting hurt changes nothing for me. You can do you what you want, but, Gourry, she's not good for you."

Zelgadiss pursed his lips together as if he realized now wasn't the time or place to discuss any more personal information.

Gourry shook his head. "Yeah, but now I need to see how she is."

"Not tonight. We should go home and sleep." Zelgadiss caught Gourry's attention, saying, "You can stay at my place. I have the extra room." Turning toward Xelloss, he added, "No offense, but your place is noisy– and cramped."

Especially if one of us is gay, Xelloss thought to himself.

"No offense taken. Whatever you want to do is fine with me, Gourry."

Gourry took the ride with Zelgadiss. Since Xelloss lived in the opposite direction, he told them to just go, that he'd take the bus. His eyes lingered on Zelgadiss' departing back until it was imprinted in his mind. Without the band, how could he count on ever seeing him again?

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Two. 


	3. Chapter 3

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Three -- Valentino**

* * *

Xelloss stood unmoving for several seconds before turning back to Val, who was lying still, eyes half shut.

"You still awake?" Xelloss asked.

"Yeah. Nice guys. Can't believe you're thinking of breaking up; your band's hot."

"So's the fighting. Listen, it's not a done deal yet. I'd appreciate it if you kept that under your hat, okay?"

Val gave Xelloss a twisted smile and point to his bandaged head.

"Consider it under wraps."

Xelloss chuckled and said, "Funny guy for being banged up."

"You gotta go, huh?"

"Eventually. You have a fancy adjustable bed. All I've got is a hard bench and my choice of plastic chairs," Xelloss said jokingly.

"I could make room for one more," Val returned.

He may have been serious, but Xelloss decided to take it as a joke and not reply. Xelloss made a point of checking his watch.

"I'd better go if I'm going to catch the last bus of the night. You promise me you'll mind the nurses and doctors and stay in bed until we come to see you tomorrow, okay?"

"You're coming back?"

"Yes, I said I would. I'll see what I can do to find you a place to stay."

"How about with you? Gourry's not there any more."

"Val, get this straight: I have never had a live-in roommate; I don't sleep around, I never have; I don't even date. I just meet friends in the bar, sometimes dance. I live upstairs in a one-room apartment, and I'm happy to accommodate you on the couch for a night or two but that's it. I value some personal space."

Val looked at him, disbelief plastered over his face.

"No kidding? No sex? You fought them off all this time? How?"

"Martial arts," Xelloss said, smiling. "And a very disturbing attitude."

"Sure..."

"It's true! I convinced one very determined brute that I was actually a transgendered lesbian, and he believed me and has left me alone ever since! The martial arts part is true also. A guy can't rape me with a broken windpipe."

"Teach me?"

"No problem. You take your medicine and get well, and then we'll discuss this later. Things will turn out okay. Good night, Val."

"Yeah, 'night, and thanks Xelloss."

But as Xelloss turned to go, he noticed Val rubbing his eyes, clearing more tears.

"Hey."

Xelloss returned to Val's bedside and sitting back on the chair, caught the boy's hand in his and pressed his fingers.

"I can take a cab. Now, close your eyes. I'll stay till you sleep, okay?"

Val smiled and asked, "Sing me a song?"

"Me? Well, I'll hum one."

**(o)**

When Xelloss returned to the bar, the street was busy with the bar-hopping crowds and clubbing traffic again. The rain had diminished to a fine mist. He could see no signs of the horrible accident except shards of broken glass swept to the curb; it could have been a left over from a bar fight. He dashed from the cab to the door of the bar and escaped into its dark interior, where he felt safe again.

"Give me a whiskey, straight up," he told the barkeep, falling onto a stool.

"Busy night for you. Lost your date."

The barkeep poured the drink and grinned.

"Gourry was not a date, as you very well know. He's a part of the band, whose leader I just went with to the ER with, and which is falling apart."

He took a sip, and then swallowed the rest in one burning gulp.

"One more," Xelloss ordered.

The bartender whisked away the empty and replaced it with a fresh glass, pouring it to brimming with the amber poison.

"Not your type anyway, too big. That young'un with the wiry hair was polite and serious."

Xelloss looked up sharply.

"Zelgadiss? Also with the band, as you know. Both have girlfriends or not, but are hetero."

"You like him, regardless. I can tell by the way your eyes light up."

The man chuckled as Xelloss shot back the drink and slammed in down on the counter.

"Liar. You can't see my eyes, because I can't see yours with my long bangs. Anyway..."

"One more?"

Xelloss shook his head.

"No, thank you. This'll knock me out just fine. Anyway, is the room offer still open?"

"Yeah. 'Bout time you moved up a notch. Big place on the end, two bedrooms, and just double your rent as a bargain just for you. Ready and partly furnished."

"I'll take it, then. For my buddy, Gourry. It's bigger than what he needs, but he needs a place fast."

Xelloss didn't want him rooming with Zelgadiss another night. Not that he thought anything would ever possibly come of that, but if he couldn't share Zelgadiss' world, then no one should. He pulled out his wallet, falling off the stool in the process, regained his balance, and then peeled off ten one-hundred dollar bills.

"There, that should take care of..." he paused, unsure, his brain clouding over, "...some of it. I'll get the rest tomorrow, when I have a checkbook and can see to write."

The barkeep pocketed the money, still smiling wider than usual.

"No problem. Here's the keys in case you want to show them the room before I open up."

He tossed them in the air.

"Thanks."

Xelloss missed the catch, and had to scrape them off the floor.

"Stop grinning like you know something," Xelloss said.

When Xelloss stumbled into his room at last, his eyes slid to his bed, which should have been, but wasn't empty.

"Miwan! How did you...? That asshole barkeep! Get up and get out! Come on, move it!"

"Okay, okay! No harm done, Xelly! It was just a dream of mine, okay?"

"OUT!"

Xelloss slammed the door and leaned against it, his back holding it shut like a barrier to the world beyond, which it was. Looking forlornly at his empty bed, he sighed.

"Two men in my bed in one night, and neither one of them the one I wanted."

**(0)**

Xelloss woke up to the sound of his cell phone.

"Uh?" he answered.

He could hear a far-off voice say, "I told you we shouldn't call him. He's never up before noon." The voice returned to the phone, it was Zelgadiss. "Sorry to wake you up."

"Oh, no! That's okay. I have to get up. Ah, shit! It's late! I promised Val to get him out of the hospital today."

But hell, Zelgadiss could call him anytime. He overheard Zelgadiss' impatient, or weary, sigh preceding his next words.

"He's still sleeping. Lina is, too, which is why I called. Visiting time isn't for another two hours. Gourry and I didn't know that and showed up. We're outside the hospital now. It's raining, of course. He's hungry and thought maybe we'd pick you up and go get lunch, then come back; that is, if you're interested."

"Oh, I'm interested."

But more in the caller than in the food.

"We'll be there in ten minutes. Can you be ready?"

"Meaning: Can I be dressed and outside waiting to jump into the car the moment you drive up?" Xelloss chuckled nervously. "Yeah, sure."

He ran his fingers through his hair grateful to find it fall back into place like a black, silk curtain. After having ejected Miwan from his room the night before, he had showered and fallen into bed while it was still damp. He had placed a brief phone call to his other employer, while still towel-drying it, semi-awake, heedless of the outcome.

"Hello, yes, it's me. Listen, Gaav's in the hospital. I don't know; critical, I guess. I'm home now, but I'll check tomorrow... ah, it's already tomorrow... ah, later this afternoon. Lina Inverse is there, too. An accident. Nice kid named Val, a toy of Gaav's, and he's hurt too. Yeah, nice and a studio chump. Unusual? It was raining, I don't know, but I doubt it seriously. I'll talk to whichever injured party is able and find out what happened. Yeah, that's all. Good night."

He hadn't been able sit up any longer waiting for his hair to dry completely. If it stuck out like a fright wig in the morning, then he'd simply wash it again.

Xelloss smiled now, checking his reflection once more in the mirror, slipped on his shoes, and skipped out the door of his apartment, singing: "I'll see him soooon... We'll eat at noooon... Please don't pinch me or pop my balloooooon."

He wanted to tell everyone about Zelgadiss, every detail he could think of, each thing that he liked, but he didn't. Xelloss couldn't live with what he was positive would be Zelgadiss' bad reaction should he find out how he felt about him. Xelloss admired how Zel's cold, calculating intelligence often punctuated his speech with biting irony, but not when it was directed towards him. As long as Zelgadiss didn't know about his infatuation, then Xelloss could still pretend. Xelloss could picture him instantly at any time, his secret lover with the exotic, highlighted, grayish hair which shone like liquid silver. Those killer eyes. Xelloss hardly dared to consider what lay beneath the clothes, the lithe frame, the beguiling, prominent bulge he noticed that time he wore tight leather pants to a gig...

Sure enough, Zelgadiss' little Camry pulled up to the curb the instant Xel stepped out the door of the bar. Xelloss shivered with excitement, which meant it was time to stop all train of thought which lead to sex. His infatuation was too fragile, their friendship only professional. Until now, perhaps. This visit was unprecedented. Of course, Zelgadisswas with Gourry, which spoiled his imaginary-date scenario, but it was not a band event.

Xelloss climbed into the back seat, very non date-like, and said, "If you go around back, I have a parking space, then we can walk to a great deli."

"Fine."

Over lunch, Zelgadiss was curt and withdrawn again. Gourry was quiet, but not particularly troubled, and his appetite had not been affected by Lina's accident or the break up with her or the deteriorization of the band. Xelloss stifled his own out-of-place, bubbly excitement from becoming too apparent. His was a silly, stupid, and pointless crush, he knew, but he derived a kind of sadistic satisfaction from it.

"So, Gourry, I secured an apartment for you. It's a great deal for a mostly-furnished two-bedroom, and it's available immediately. I could take you to see it now, if you'd like?"

"You did? Well, that's real nice of you, Xelloss. Yeah, sure. Lina's not going any place soon, but I can't go back to... that place. How did you find one so fast? Took Lina and me months to find the place we...ah... she's got."

"It's in your building, isn't it?" Zelgadiss said, his tone sharp.

He met Gourry's eyes a moment to ensure the significance of the location sank in.

"Above a gay bar."

"Well, yes," Xelloss admitted quickly, fingering a lock of hair near his jaw.

The location wasn't something he could hide.

"The apartment opened up a few months ago and the barkeep was holding it for me to make up my mind. I mean it wasn't a problem for him. He repainted it and replaced some things– fixing it up, you know?"

"I'd like to see the place," Gourry said, rising and paying the bill for the lunch of which he was the largest partaker.

They walked back the way they came, the weather fine with a little ground fog likely to burn off an hour before the sun set. Xelloss showed them the back entrance, keyed for residents when the bar was closed. They followed him in silence, climbing up the narrow, well-worn staircase.

"This is it," Xelloss said, pleased that it was clean and better looking than he remembered. "On the quiet end and with a pretty decent city view from the living room."

Gourry agreed that it was a nice, tidy place.

"Needs a mattress and couch, but I'd rather get my own anyway– never big enough, you know?" Gourry said.

"So, you like it? I was hoping you would. And don't worry. I know what you're thinking: 'I'm taking Xelloss' place.' Well, you're not. I don't need any more space than I've got."

Xelloss stopped talking abruptly, afraid his voice would choke up soon if he starting thinking about why that was the case: that the only man he'd want to live with was light years apart from him, although physically he was standing only a few feet away at the time.

"Okay, if you really mean that, I'll take it then. Who do I see about the rent and all?"

"Here's the key and the first month's on me. Just my way of helping a band mate, okay? Say, it's 2:00! The bar's opening. I hear the front doors being unlocked. Let's go down and I'll introduce you to the barkeep, your landlord. Cool guy. A bit nosy, thinks he knows everything, and a bit of a practical joker, but a straight player, ah... in every way. The guy's got a wife and kids and works 12 hour days, two to two."

After the formal introductions were made and the handshake contract finalized, Gourry looked around the bar, taking in the variety of faces and shapes, all men.

"So, Xelloss, you haven't got a special someone you meet here?"

Xelloss felt the heat rise to his face, embarrassed to discuss his love-life with Zelgadiss nearby. He raised a hand to sweep his hair behind an ear, when he noticed Zel frowning, watching the hand. Xelloss wanted to stop messing with his hair seeing that he was bothering Zel by doing it, so he wiggled and sat on his hands.

"No, there's no one to meet. It's all one-sided."

Xelloss' eyes flickered open for a moment then disappeared beneath his fringe of bangs.

"It's all just a part of my impossible dream."

Gourry followed the imaginary dotted line of Xelloss' glance and came to rest, a little surprised, on Zelgadiss, who was completely unaware. Gourry started thinking about both men, all their interactions, and wondered. Xelloss didn't seem to be that scattered and illogical, but choosing to fall for Zelgadiss seemed way stupid to him.

Zelgadiss was staring into his beer intently, as if he could read the future in it.

"You can afford something better, Xelloss. Why do you live here?" Zelgadiss asked, meeting Xelloss' face momentarily.

"I live here by choice," Xelloss said defensively. "It's a place where I can be myself, and no one condemns what I can't change. I like girls. I like hanging out with them, but I won't date them and I get frustrated with the sexual tension, so I prefer it here. I'm not given the star treatment either. I'd like some social life. Recognizable as I am, I still get lonely, just like anyone else."

Zelgadiss swept the bar with his cerulean eyes, examining the faces, noticing the nods and smiles.

"I was under the impression that you had no... trouble... meeting people."

"Why do you say that?" Xelloss snapped.

He couldn't help but believe now that maybe Zel was a homophobe. Now that was depressing. He was hurt by Zelgadiss' coldness and hostility, and when combined with his lack of sleep, he lashed out verbally.

"You never see me with anyone, or do you believe everything the tabloids say is true? Or, maybe it's because I live above a gay bar that you think I live an over-indulgent, gay lifestyle? No? Or possibly I just log onto -- what did you think?"

"There's a site like that?" Gourry asked, surprised.

Incredulous, Xelloss replied, "I don't know! I was being sarcastic! Actually, there probably are quite a few, hundreds, I'm guessing, but I wouldn't know; I haven't got a computer."

Zelgadiss pointedly bypassed Xelloss' earlier outburst, picked up an irregularity in his last statement, and he remarked on it as his sharp eyes met Xelloss'.

"But you use one regularly."

Xelloss nodded, curious why Zelgadiss should know that. Good guess, he decided. He avoided Zelgadiss' sudden, direct eye contact intended to goad him to tell the truth.

"I have another job. I do occasional work for the Hellmaster recording company."

Zelgadiss was stunned, and his voice betrayed that when he said, "I didn't know that. Doesn't that put you in contract dispute with the Slayers' Wolfpack label? You certainly are a secretive son-of-a-bitch. Does Lina know?"

"Dammit, get off my back! Yes, yes, of course I told Lina from the start. She never cared about_ any _of my baggage, so long as I never missed a gig. There's no contract problems– it's a little-known secret between the two companies. Oh, and leave my mother out of this, please."

His last line was by way of an off-handed joke to cool down what was becoming a heated conversation.

Zelgadiss retaliated with a little twisted smile, which confused Xelloss further because he hadn't expected it, actually. He couldn't tell if Zel hated him or if he just enjoyed torturing him. A smile grew on his face as he pictured a diminutive Cupid character with Zel's head, shooting him with little enchanted arrows.

"Then... you're not leaving the band?" Gourry asked solemnly.

Xelloss turned a portion of his attention back to Gourry. "Oh, I certainly am! I have no personal problem with Lina, that's all I'm saying."

"Then why _are_ you leaving?"

Zelgadiss nailed him again with his cold glare.

Today's Cupid is armed with a nail-gun, Xelloss thought to himself. Xelloss was tempted to reply, "Because you are and I'm following you to the ends of the earth." Of course he didn't. Xelloss wasn't about to spoil the conversation by revealing his secret enthrallment to the other man, but he could offer a new idea, open to interpretation.

"I thought you guys could use a bass."

"Us?" Gourry scratched his head. "You mean Zel and me and you should form our own band?"

Xelloss leaned back a little and smiled. Bingo! Who would have thought Gourry would be the first to figure that out?

"Is that what you are suggesting?" Zelgadiss asked, pressing Xelloss further.

"Why not, now that Gourry mentions it? And, if we put it to him the right way, we might get Val on the keyboards."

"He's real good," Gourry agreed. "But he's booked up at a studio."

"Gaav's studio, and if Gaav's laid up for awhile, well... Val's contract is open for negotiations, so to speak," Xelloss said with a wry smile.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Gourry replied, seriously.

Xelloss' smile softened, deciding that sarcasm was wasted on so literal a mind, and made no attempt to clarify what he'd said. He did notice the corner of Zelgadiss' mouth twitch before it returned to looking dead serious.

"What kind of music would we do? We'd have to write new stuff. Sing..." Zelgadiss said, drifting off into thought.

"Right!" Xelloss said merrily, noting the faraway look of a dream come true in Zel's eyes. "You can sing, like you used to when you recorded solo."

It was something for them to mull over on their way to the hospital. The drive was short and no one spoke, keeping their opinions to themselves. First stop was to see Lina. Xelloss, Gourry, and Zelgadiss knocked on Lina's door, but she was having a sponge bath, so they were turned away.

"To Val," Xelloss said, leading the way.

"Yo," Val said by way of his greeting.

The young man waved the fingers of his free hand, pleased to have visitors and relief from his own dark thoughts.

"Hey, you look better," Xelloss lied easily.

The young man rolled his eyes.

"Fuck you. I got a mirror in the bathroom over there, asshole. What I can't do is put on a damned shirt, 'cause of the shoulder, which isn't broken, just torn ligaments or something painful. Anyway it's not like I have anyplace to go."

Xelloss ignored Val's moodiness.

"But you do, with me, don't you remember? I said you could stay at my place for awhile."

Xelloss smiled calmly and waited for Val's decision.

"You moved out, Gourry? Do I remember that right? Last night is kinda blurred." Val glanced over at Gourry, uncertain still as to his relationship with Xelloss.

"Xelloss got me an apartment next door to his place. We just took a look around, and it's pretty sweet. Two bedrooms... Say, you could have one of those! It's way bigger than Xelloss' studio. I'm not used to being all by myself; it'd be nice having some company."

Val's mouth was gaping open. It snapped shut a moment.

He licked his lips, then said, "Ah, Gabriev, you really want some queer like me sharing your place with you?"

Gourry didn't even blink an eye.

"I don't get your meaning. Wouldn't have to be anything, you know. You were gonna stay with him, and he doesn't take lovers. It wouldn't have to be any different with us."

The offer came as a total surprise to Xelloss. Whatever made Gourry do such a thing? He hardly knew Val, right? Xelloss decided he was just being a thoughtful person, although he did wish the guy wouldn't bring his bedroom inactivity into the discussion.

Val's closed his eyes so as not to reveal his lascivious thoughts. Gourry was just his type, big and strong, not to mention the lustrous hair. He was obviously kind and easy going, too. Just the kind of man he'd craved, but never had a chance with. He wasn't sure, though, if he could stand being around such a man who was also wholly unattainable.

"Well, until I can go back... to my... ah, Gaav's place, sure. That would be really nice. Thanks. Um, Xelloss, you don't feel bad, me doing this and all?"

"Oh, no, no. Whatever you want is fine with me. I'm sure you will be more comfortable with your own room. Who knows how long Gaav will be stuck here? Besides, it should work out good for the two of you, especially since Gourry won't have to worry about your boyfriends trying to pick up on his girlfriends."

So far, Zelgadiss had kept his thoughts to himself, his eyes guarded, so Xelloss had no clue as to how he felt about the move. He had expected him to warn Gourry more, but maybe he was fed up with them all. But after Xelloss made the last joke, he just clicked his tongue.

"That was stupid," Zelgadiss said. "I'm finding out if I can see Lina now."

Gourry rose from his chair.

"Guess we should."

"I'll get the nurse to start your checkout procedures," Xelloss told Val, and then he too left the room.

He hated Zel's insults and wanted to put some space between him, but he also wanted to talk to Lina. He needed to learn what had happened.

Lina's voice could be heard outside in the hallway as it rose over the din of a passing gurney.

"You're a life saver, Sylphiel."

Zelgadiss stood in the doorway, Gourry behind him, looking over his shoulder. Xelloss stepped aside to let the pretty dark-haired nurse pass, her arms laden with empty food service trays, then nudged them both to go in.

"Um, nurse Sylphiel?"

"Yes?"

She smiled shyly up at Xelloss.

"We will be taking Valentino, the guy down the hall there, home today. Can you arrange all that?"

"Of course. I'll have the paperwork ready at the desk immediately. Just stop by for it."

"Thank you," he said with a light touch to her arm.

He left without noticing the blush rise to her face.

Inside Lina's hospital room, Zel raised his eyebrows in question as he circled around to the far side of the hospital bed.

Lina stared down Zelgadiss, carefully ignoring Gourry for the moment.

"What's your problem? Sylphiel _is_ a lifesaver! She brought me triples of everything for lunch."

Zel grunted something as Gourry continued to sneak peeks at her from beneath his bangs. Xelloss rushed in, breathless.

"Hi, Lina. So, how are you?"

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

Zelgadiss moved closed, arms folded over his chest.

"He held your hand all the way to the hospital, the least you can do is answer the question."

"Oh yeah?"

She looked at Xelloss for confirmation.

He was still tingling with pleasant surprise at Zel's kind words, so he didn't answer Lina immediately.

"Ah, yes... Your accident occurred outside my apartment. They had to use the jaws-o-life to get you out of your car. I was worried; we all have been. This is the first chance we've had to see you."

Xelloss' sincerity convinced her to withdraw her claws, relax, and talk.

"I have a broken leg, if you can believe that's really all now. Oh, some bumps and scratches, but nothing much."

They all expressed their thankfulness that the damage to her person wasn't more serious. Gourry said the least, having the most on his mind. Zelgadiss had said all he had to say and was looking out the door, which left Xelloss to conduct the interrogation.

"So, what happened?"

She told them about the boy who ran out in front of her car, how she braked and the car behind her rear-ended her.

"I thought that was it, when it hit me again! I heard this big crash, so I figure another car slammed into that one and rammed me again. I don't know 'cause that one knocked me out. Nothing serious, but I still gotta bump on the back of my head."

Xelloss made a point of looking at the bump and telling her that it was awful, making her feel better. He borrowed a pen from Zelgadiss to sign his name on her leg cast, and soon the other young men took turns drawing pictures and decorating the entire thing. All in all, the afternoon was working out nicely, when their tranquility was interrupted by the thundering of feet.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Three. 


	4. Chapter 4

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Four -- New Digs**

* * *

"Go see what's going on!" Lina ordered the boys.

Zelgadiss was already out the door, shouting back over his shoulder, "Doctors are running to the Critical Care unit."

"Gaav's in there, still, I think," Xelloss said. "Gourry, would you go check on Val? He'll be a basket case if it's Gaav."

He spotted Sylphiel outside the door.

"I'll check with the nice nurse."

He hopped to and left Lina's room to get her attention.

"Ah, nurse Sylphiel! What's going on?"

"It's terrible! The life support machine was unplugged!"

"Whose? Which patient? A man, big man with long red hair?"

"Yes, that one. How did you know?"

"Just a guess, but he was driving the car that hit Lina's and I thought he was still in intensive care."

Just then, Xelloss thought he saw a figure, flitting just out of range of his sight.

"My, my..." he said softly and frowning.

"Oh, thanks. You'll have to excuse me," he said to Sylphiel, dashing away in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Gourry and Zelgadiss had returned to stand outside Val's door, where they could overhear a doctor explaining what had happened. They could also hear Val interrupting the doctor with shouts. Zel craned his neck to see inside.

Val was shaking his head in denial.

"No, it can't be! Not him! He's too strong, stronger than me. I made it; he's got to!"

Zelgadiss drew back and whispered to Gourry, "You should stay and see what you can do for him. He must be talking about Gaav, who, I'm guessing, died. I'll go see what happened to Xelloss."

Gourry nodded gravely. He entered the room, embarrassed for the kid wallowing in his unrestrained grief. He felt restrained by propriety's sake not to hold him, but it was obvious the kid needed comforting.

"Um, it's me."

Just outside the room, Zelgadiss clung to the wall limpet-like. Orderlies and nurses were still rushing helter-skelter in the hallways. Sylphiel recognized Zelgadiss looking lost, and scooted his way.

"Looking for your band-mate? He's run off. I think he saw somebody."

"What are you talking about? Start from the beginning. What's happened?"

She explained what little she knew about Gaav.

"Then Xelloss just took off. He looked upset about something."

"He probably thinks he saw someone who doesn't belong here, possibly someone he suspects is up to no good." Zel determined. "Lina said a kid ran out in front of her car, causing the first accident, and Xelloss had the strangest look on face."

"Do you think he saw this same kid here? What would that mean? Do you think he messed with the life support machine?"

"I think Xelloss knows something we don't. We should find him. Which way did he go?"

She wanted to be helpful, but Sylphiel didn't know where Xelloss has gone and her skills were required elsewhere, leaving Zelgadiss to wander aimlessly to look or his missing band mate. Nowhere was a sign of his familiar raven hair, slender form, pretty face.

"Damnit, Xelloss! What kind of a mess have you gotten yourself into?"

Down the stairwell, past the laundry and food preparation facilities, Xelloss chased after the phantom, growing more and more certain with every near miss, each close encounter, that he recognized the youth darting off, and he knew he would never catch up with him. After fifteen fruitless minutes, he gave up, returning to the floor where had left his friends.

"There you are!" Zelgadiss said the moment he spotted Xelloss.

Xelloss couldn't tell if he was angry or relieved to see him.

"Hi, is Val okay?"

"No, but Gourry's with him. You were right about Gaav. He's dead. Val wasn't taking it well when I left. Find what you were after?"

"I didn't, but I thought I saw a familiar face."

"Who?" Zelgadiss stepped closer, eyes intense.

"A man called Phibrizzo, or actually one of his sons."

"Phibrizzo! You mean the recording mogul who owns the Hellmaster label? The one you do double duty working for?"

"That's the one," Xelloss answered.

"What would one of his kids be doing here?"

"I believe the one I saw was responsible for killing Gaav, but I couldn't catch him in the act."

"Lina said some kid ran out in front of her car. Think it could be the same one?"

"It's quite possible. Gaav has been a real black sheep in the business. Phibrizzo's wanted some contracts broken or changed, and Gaav's refused. I think Zelas, head of our Wolfpack label, was similarly annoyed at Gaav."

Zelgadiss said nothing, thinking over what he'd learned.

"How do you know all this is true, Xelloss? Why would they both divulge their business secrets to you? You're just a drummer in the band."

"Ah, well..."

Xelloss couldn't meet his eyes just then. This was the longest private conversation they'd ever had, but it was not the place for the sensitive issue to be discussed.

"This isn't a good place to talk about this and we ought to get Val and Gourry moved and settled in. How about we meet afterwards?"

"How about you _answer_ my question?" Zelgadiss said loudly.

Xelloss lowered his voice and stepped off to the side, Zelgadiss following him.

"Phibrizzo's attempting to take over the industry and Zelas wants to stop him. My job is to watch and report. I work for her; she loans me out."

"If he killed Gaav," Zelgadiss dropped his voice, barely containing his temper, "and he wasn't afraid to use Lina or Val..."

His fists clenched and unclenched as he struggled to find the words to express his thoughts without revealing his emotions, but failing.

"Damnit, think about it, will you! He'll use you; Zelas will use you; and you'll get killed in the process, too. Stop this idiocy now. We got this band going. You don't need them or the additional income. Just quit, while you can."

"Thanks for the warning, but it's really none of your business."

"You've no place saying that." Zelgadiss glared at him. "We're band mates. That makes me involved. Let's end this."

"Our new band's not under contract, but I am. This is something I must pursue on my own."

Zelgadiss sniffed, looking away, collecting his thoughts, and then swiveled quickly to stare at Xelloss.

"But I want to!" Zelgadiss said, eyes narrowing. "Why are you smiling? Don't you think I'm capable?"

"I wanted to provoke you into honesty," Xelloss confessed.

His eyes flickered open, meeting the other man's fleetingly. He was unsure of how to handle the situation at the moment. Zelgadiss was an emotional yet remarkably taciturn man. What were Zel's real feelings toward him? Not deep friendship, of that Xelloss was certain, but he seemed to care about him, and there was no doubt in Xelloss' mind that Zel could be unpleasant if crossed. He swept aside his bangs lightly with his fingers.

"Having a man like Phibrizzo as an enemy is not a good thing. It wouldn't be fair to involve you."

"Of course it isn't fair!" Zelgadiss hissed under his breath, aware of others passing in the hall.

His body was rigid and his voice was almost strangled in his throat.

At that moment Xelloss caught and held Zelgadiss' eyes. It was then that he noticed Zelgadiss was frightened; he felt the man's fear as if it had brushed him with a breath of ice. He could see it in his face and in the way he stood, the stiffness inside him. His whole body seemed inflexible. It made Xelloss angry, made him want to protect Zelgadiss, and Zelgadiss did not want that, he knew.

"You shouldn't get involved." Xelloss said, reaching out and contacting an arm lightly, but Zelgadiss crossed his arms over his chest and glared harder.

Xelloss did not know how to behave with Zelgadiss. Trying to touch him was like trying to pick up a thistle. He was prickly, too quick, over-reactive about almost everything that mattered. Zel probably didn't even like him, let alone love him; and he was determined to screw up his subterfuge. Xelloss swallowed hard.

"Oh, all right," he said meekly. "I'll let you in on what's going on. I'll even give you a studio tour."

"What's that? Tour of what studio?" Gourry asked.

He was carrying a stack of papers in one hand, Val's probably. Zelgadiss grabbed the papers.

"Let's get out of here," Zelgadiss growled.

"Uh, Xelloss? Could you give me hand a second. I gotta use the john and Val needs someone to talk to."

Gourry held open the door for Xelloss.

"Okay," Xelloss said.

"I'll fill Lina in on what's happening," Zelgadiss told them, but hesitated leaving until Xelloss had gone into Val's room. "What is it?"

Gourry whispered a few words, chuckling. Zelgadiss nodded in agreement before rushing away to find the payment office. Val was a character, it seemed and this was a chance for Zelgadiss to get Xelloss back for running off, frightening him, and jeopardizing the band.

"Hi," Xelloss began, studying Val for clues to his mood.

"He's...gone," Val sniffled.

"I'm sorry."

Suddenly Val lashed out, shouting, "Lina! Lina killed him!"

"Oh, no. No, Lina's in serious condition herself, hanging by a thread," Xelloss exaggerated. "The story is that she braked to avoid running over a kid and Gaav rear-ended her. Someone else hit them again, causing the worst of the damage."

"The doctor said the life support was accidentally shut off. Lina..."

"Lina had nothing to do with that either. Listen to me! She's in bed with broken bones and I don't know what else. She didn't kill Gaav, but someone else did."

"Someone? You don't believe it was an accident then."

Tears welled up in Val's eyes. With his one good arm, Val reached out and pulled Xelloss to sit at his side.

"Who? Tell me who so I can take revenge."

Xelloss smiled and said, "No revenge taking, but I will follow up on my investigation and find out–"

"Tell me!" Val growled.

He moved his hand to grip Xelloss by the shoulder, tightening it with his mounting arousal.

"I got my own guesses."

"Okay," Xelloss said. "I'd like to hear what you think, too. I know Gaav and a man named Phibrizzo have had a conflict, and that the boy Lina nearly hit was likely one of his sons."

"Conflict! The man wanted Gaav to rejoin some recording ring, but Gaav wouldn't. I heard them argue at the house. Phibrizzo, huh?"

For those few minutes with his mind otherwise occupied, Val wasn't thinking about his own loss, but then he remembered what Gaav's death would mean to his situation.

"Oh..." he moaned.

"Val, it's natural to feel sorrow for his death, but you have a chance to make it on your own, to be your own man–"

Xelloss was cut off when Val yanked his face to his, crushing their lips together. Xelloss freed himself and pulled back, gasping for breath.

"Val–!"

"Gods, I need you," Val whined.

He took up Xelloss' hand, pulled it under his sheet, and pressed it to his strained crotch.

"Come on give me some. Quit torturing me!"

Xelloss was impressed with what he could feel under the tight jeans. He was a young male with a healthy sexual appetite, hungering for other males, and this was one starving guy begging for attention. However, Xelloss was not tempted to go any further.

"Val, this is not the time for this. You've been what amounts to Gaav's sex slave for months now, and you're just acting out your loss. I am not the solution to your problems."

As Xelloss tried to remove his trapped hand, Val buried his in Xelloss' thick, glossy dark hair and dragged him down for another kiss.

Zelgadiss chose that moment to push open the door to the room.

"Well, Lina's informed and sleeping now, so if you're ready, we can go," Zelgadiss said.

Xelloss lost his balance, his free arm shooting out and down to support his weight, landing on Val's bandaged shoulder.

"Argh!" Val howled in pain.

"Sorry! Oh, Zel, ah...I could use a hand here..." Xelloss called over his shoulder, trying to sound bright and guilt-free.

"I should think you could have kept your hands off him until we left," Gourry said in an unfriendly tone of voice.

Xelloss caught the look of disgust in Zel's eyes.

"Hey!" he called out as Zelgadiss spun around and headed back out the door.

Zelgadiss hadn't said a word, but Xelloss could read 'homophobe' a mile away.

Amid Xelloss' denials of any wrongdoing, Gourry determinedly collected Val's few belongings.

"You're wasting your breath telling me," Gourry told Xelloss. "You upset Zel by acting that way. It just doesn't belong here, that's all I'm saying."

"But nothing was happening," Xelloss insisted. "That's what I'm saying. Val's just acting crazy because Gaav's gone and he had made himself Val's world 27/7-365. Val, tell him."

Val was snickering and no help to Xelloss at all.

"Fine. Be that way. Screw up my life," Xelloss muttered.

"This wasn't a life-altering event for you, Xelloss," Val said. "The only one you pissed off was Zel, and he's coming back."

Since Val couldn't wear his torn shirt over his bandaged body, Gourry draped his own coat across his shoulders and used the twisted up shirt like a scarf to tie the coat in place.

"That ought to get you to the car, then we need to find a way to keep you warm."

Zelgadiss rolled in the wheelchair required for patient removal from the hospital, and together with Gourry taking Val's other side, he helped Val settle in. Gourry grasped the handles firmly.

"I'll push him so you can hold on to his release papers," Gourry said to Zel.

Zel shrugged, and then said to Val in the sternest voice he could muster, "You could have told me you were underage. I had to lie and tell them you were Gourry's brother. You look more like him than me."

Val's blank look spurned Zelgadiss to add, "Only a family member can take a non-adult out of a hospital."

"Huh, what do you know?" Val shrugged, caring little for Zel's struggles with his conscience.

Both men were ignoring Xelloss for the moment, and he knew it. He pursed his lips shut and bore the brunt of Val's bad behavior. This new band idea had no hope in hell of happening.

"So, what's this about a studio tour?" Gourry asked, trying to switch to a safe topic.

"Let's get out of here. I'll tell you on the way," Zelgadiss said curtly.

"Well, I need to pack up my stuff, not much. Clothes... a few CD's...nah, I guess not...just my clothes," Gourry answered, halting over sensitive memories. "Val here needs a bed too, so I thought we'd do that first. He could help with picking out a couch, if you're up to it, that is?"

"Keeps my mind off what's happened. Sure," Val said.

"You have things to move, too?" Zelgadiss asked him.

Val shook his head. "I got nothing but some clothes at ... at where I was, which I can't get to. Ah, no key."

He was embarrassed. He had practically admitted to being no better than a slave in Gaav's household.

"So clothes shopping as well," Zelgadiss determined. "We'll start with that."

(o)

After choosing a couple pairs of pants, Val became too fatigued to do any more. Gourry sized him up, tossed in a few packages of underwear, t-shirts, zip-up athletic jacket, and found Zelgadiss looking over socks.

"We gotta get him home someplace."

Zelgadiss dipped his chin in quick agreement.

"He can stay at my place. In fact, I will too. You can take my car and finish up what you need to do."

"Thanks," Gourry grabbed a package of white socks, adding them to the pile at the register. "Won't need the car, though. Bus'll be okay for where I need to go. Hey, Xelloss. You can take care of the bill while I get Val out to he car, right?"

"Me? Why me?"

"You owe Val for jumping him when he was vulnerable," Gourry said seriously, then helped Val out of the store. "I think Zel paid all his hospital bills and he's living with me until he can get some income."

"But..."

"Will that be on your charge, sir?" the clerk asked, interrupting Xelloss' argument.

"Yeah, sure." Xelloss paid the bill and was surprised when Zelgadiss stepped up to help carry out one of the bags. "Thanks. I was afraid no one was talking to me aaaand I didn't do anything! You got to believe me. It was him; Val was all weird."

"I know," Zelgadiss said, the corner of his lips curving up for an instant in a wry smile. "He was coming on to Gourry, too."

"And you left me with him knowing that? You set me up! And then treated me like a degenerate!" Xelloss said.

"That bar friend of yours made you out to be a moral saint. Guess not."

"Saint? Who called me that? I don't mess around– never! But... saint? Hey, wait up!"

(o)

Hours later, Xelloss and Gourry ended up at the new apartment waiting for furniture delivery, while at the other side of town, Zelgadiss and Val entered Zelgadiss' apartment.

"You can crash in here," Zelgadiss said as he opened the door to the second bedroom.

There was a mattress with a sleeping bag rumpled on top along one wall, a desk with a computer and littered with CD's and guitars hanging on hooks along another, a stack of amps on the floor beside a closet door, which was open enough to reveal a jumble of boxes. Displayed was the orderly chaos of a bachelor, professional musician with no desire to live beyond his means.

"Thanks. I'll do that. Ah, can I have a glass of water?" Val asked, removing his shoes and lowering himself slowly to the floor.

"Yeah."

When Zelgadiss returned, Val was stretched out on the mattress, leaning against a bolster he had pounded into submission. As Zelgadiss passed him the water, Val's fingers grazed his, and he snatched away his hand as if it had been burned.

"Thanks, man." Val drank and set the glass at the side. "Ahhhh, better."

He stared unabashedly at his benefactor.

Zelgadiss frowned under the unwanted scrutiny. He didn't mind admiring glances, but he didn't want to be analyzed. He'd had shrinks enough in the past.

"He must be a masochist," Val said, finally looking away with a shake of his head.

"Who do you mean?"

"Your secret admirer. Oh, don't worry, you are safe from _me_. As easy going as he appears, I'm sure he'd kill me if I tried anything."

"You say some dude likes me, is that what you're saying?" Zelgadiss retorted with the addition of a caustic string of curse words.

Val replied, "Point made. Both mine and yours. I wasn't implying that you might be interested in him. Just, you know, the guy must thrive on pain if he thinks he's got a chance with you. Listen, I just want to be friends; that's all. If this band thing's gonna work, I'd like to get to know you better."

Zelgadiss crossed his arms over his chest and glared harder for a few seconds then looked away.

"I don't like people much. Trust takes me awhile."

"Okay, so... Well, I'm seventeen, as you discovered, eighteen real soon. My parents died in an accident when I was little and I've been looking for a home ever since. Thought I found one-- and a steady job-- but now... I..." He struggled for the practical, then continued to say, "I have nothing– it's all gone-- again--"

"Of course."

Zelgadiss looked askance to the door, uncomfortable and flustered because he neglected his guest's more urgent needs.

"There's a spare razor, toothbrush in the bathroom. I don't think my clothes will fit you, but-- wait--here's a t-shirt."

"Thanks, I appreciate that, but right now I'd rather hear more about what makes you tick."

Zelgadiss stiffened and re-folded his arms over his chest defensively. His automatic protection in place, he met Val's inquisitive look. It was friendly. Zel sighed, and then got on with it.

"I just turned eighteen. I thought _I_ was the baby."

Having said that, Zelgadiss smiled briefly and relaxed some, hanging his head as he pulled up the chair from the computer desk.

"I own this condo. I inherited some money from my parents when they died, money that my grandfather absconded with."

"So that's why you stuck to that loser label for so long."

Zelgadiss jerked his head up. "What?"

"Before you signed on with Lina under the Wolfpack label, didn't you put out a CD with Red-Priest? It's shut down now, I think."

Zelgadiss looked away, deciding how much to reveal, then met Val's gaze.

"That was my grandfather's recording label. He used the inheritance as leverage over me. I was the best thing he had going. He was trying to break into the new sounds, and thought we me there he could attract others."

"Oh yeah? But then he just let you leave to join the Slayers?"

"I wouldn't say 'let.' Lina twisted his arm and hired the best lawyer possible– Amelia's father, who Lina knew through her ex-partner, Nahga, Amelia's sister. Phil Seyruun leased my contract and my money, thus," he gestured minimally with a flick of his hand, "I can afford to pay the utilities on this place and eat, even when the work's uneven."

"And it shut down the Red-Priest studio?"

"Yeah."

"So you are _that_ Greywords."

"Yes." Zelgadiss sighed and rolled his eyes upward in mock exasperation. "I liked the man once, but then I've liked other cheats, liars, and ... whatever."

There was no warmth when he spoke of his grandfather, and very little regret.

"Uh, huh. So, that why you're dating Amelia? A debt to her father for his help? I'm impressed," Val lied.

He allowed his train of thought to trail off as the man in front of him was alternatively pink with embarrassment and white with horror.

"You are utterly wrong." Zelgadiss' whole body was quaking with suppressed rage at Val's logic and fear that he might grasp the real meaning.

Zelgadiss was saved from further explanation by a knocking on his door. He left Val without another word. He was not expecting to find Amelia standing outside his place.

"Amelia?" he said not bothering to hide the surprise in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Four. 


	5. Chapter 5

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Five -- Phibrizzo, Inc **

* * *

"I-I couldn't get you on the phone," Amelia said, the desperation breaking her voice and tearing her eyes. "I got worried!"

Zelgadiss pulled his cell phone from his pocket and stared at it, expecting it to blink or glow with life.

"I don't remember turning it off."

He hadn't. The battery had completely discharged. There wasn't even a record of a missed call. He cursed himself for becoming so distracted by Xelloss, Val, and everyone else as to neglect his habitual duties, but otherwise was unconcerned by Amelia's agitated state.

"It's Miss Lina!" Amelia burst out impatiently. "She talked someone into signing her out of the hospital. I'm going right over and stay with her, but, Mr. Zelgadiss, she's all _gung-ho_ about getting even with some Phibrizzo guy. Do you know who she might mean? The only person I know with that name is the head of that other recording company."

"That's the guy she means. One of his kids may have caused her accident and another seen to it that Gaav died in it. There's bad blood there and illegal dealings, I expect as well. Thanks for telling me."

Zelgadiss moved as if to close the door, hinting that she had done her duty and could now take her leave. Amelia, however, didn't budge. She stood her ground until her mission was accomplished.

"Well, I thought you'd like to know. I'm going over to Miss Lina's now. She can't drive with her broken leg and shouldn't even be up! She wants to take the man on all by herself! If this Mr. Phibrizzo is guilty of crimes, he should be arrested. Justice is at stake here!"

"People's lives are too," Zel said. "Don't let her go anyplace, especially alone. It's dangerous– for you, too," he added, sounding less concerned than he should have for his girlfriend.

Amelia didn't look hurt. She was used to his coldness and expected little from him at any time.

"I'm going to call Daddy to get his opinion, and stop Miss Lina-- alone, if necessary."

Amelia could see a shadow of movement behind Zelgadiss.

"Is someone else there?"

"I have Val here."

Zelgadiss noticed Amelia's quizzical look and explained further.

"He was injured in the car with Gaav."

"Is he a friend of yours?"

Amelia was stunned that he might have one she knew nothing about.

"He was a studio musician of Gaav's, living with the man recently, but with no place to live when Gaav died. Anyway, to make short story even shorter, he's moving into an apartment with Gourry near Xelloss. They are over there now awaiting some furniture delivery while Val's resting in my guest room. That's enough of an explanation for now. You go, hold Lina until I get there, okay?"

"You'll come?" she asked, her face brightening at the prospect.

That was what her goal had been-- motivating Zelgadiss to do what was right. He kept his promises, she knew, and with his declaration to go she could now leave. It was all could she could hope for sometimes.

"Oh, yes, I'll do that, but hurry. You know Lina." Amelia smiled, turned on her heel, and headed out the door Zelgadiss was holding open.

Zel did know Lina. He didn't need reminding. Lina was self-centered, strong-willed, and head-strong. Her career soared to the heights and plunged to he depths, repeatedly, and yet she seemed to enjoy the ride because of the extremes – as long as it kept her in the limelight. She loved the notoriety it brought her nearly as much as the money. It made him think of Xelloss in comparison, whose career followed an ever-rising, often meandering path. However, or so he claimed, Xelloss preferred the wealth to the fame. Zelgadiss wasn't positive what he wanted, but he certainly didn't have it.

Zelgadiss strode into Val's room.

"What were you doing up?"

"Going to the bathroom, as you suggested," Val said, sounding surly and tired.

"Oh, ah, yeah," Zel mumbled, making his decision to leave soon. "Val, I have to go to Lina's."

"That was your girlfriend? You don't seem very _affectionate _towards her," Val went on rather recklessly.

Zelgadiss responded humorlessly, as expected. "I'm not big on romance. Besides, how would you know? Were listening to that?"

Val shrugged, not caring if he'd offended Zelgadiss' sense of privacy or not. As far as he was concerned, Zel had divulged his disinterest in his girlfriend. It could have been his kid sister at the door for all the depth of feeling Zelgadiss had exuded. How hard would it have been for the guy to care some for his girl? More than "not at all," Val guessed, and "not at all" was how much feeling Val figured Zel had put into that last exchange. No, Val didn't believe Zel's excuse at all, but he let it pass. There was no use arguing about it when there were other problems to consider. Val began to blame Lina again for Gaav's death as his thoughts took a darker turn.

"Lina, trouble just seems to chart a course for her, doesn't it? Maybe Lina had more to do with Gaav's death than we know. Xelloss said it was some kid making it look like an accident, but Lina may be making that all up."

"Xelloss told _you_ that?"

Zelgadiss decided to find out how much Val knew about Phibrizzo. Within a few minutes they both shared all they knew about Phibrizzo and Xelloss' involvement with him.

"He told me he wouldn't do anything risky without us, or me at least, but I'm not entirely sure I believe him," Zelgadiss said. "I'd like to..."

His voice trailed off as it occurred to him that he did care about Xelloss. In fact, Zelgadiss was startled how deeply the fear bit into him that some harm might come to Xelloss through all this. It was far deeper than his concern for Lina. He drew a breath, about to vow that he'd stop Xelloss from doing anything at all, and then realized how absurd that would sound. He had no power to command Xelloss in anything, as he himself would be first to point out. And it would also betray to Val how he felt, and he was in no way ready to do that. He did not even know how to deal with his feelings himself, let alone explain it to Val or to Xelloss. Friendship he could cope with– just. Even that made demands that he was unused to managing with and opened him up to hurt. It was his independence from others which had always been his greatest safety.

"You like him," Val said, grinning. "So is this you coming out of the closet?"

"Don't try to make me fit into your perverted world, get it!" Zelgadiss nearly hit the prone man, but, instead, harnessed his anger for another time. "I have to go. If any of those other clowns call, tell them I'm at Lina's."

As much as he felt the need to hurry, Zel's throat was dry and he needed a drink. Before leaving, he stopped in the kitchen to see what he might find in the refrigerator.

(o)

While waiting for the new couch and mattresses to be delivered, Xelloss and Gourry plenty of time to talk, and Xelloss discovered that Gourry was a thoughtful and funny guy. He knew he was kind and rather quiet, but they had never had any real conversation at practices, and jobs left little time free for deep discussions. Now, sitting at the kitchen table, he listened to Gourry tell stories about his past bands, life with Lina, and life in general.

Gourry stopped talking and looked over at Xelloss.

"Hey, here I've been doing all the talking and bored you to death."

"Oh, no, nothing like that. It was fascinating. You guys have had some real adventures."

"So have you." Gourry glanced at the other man meaningfully, and then looked away, adding, "Not that I believe all I hear."

"That's right!" Xelloss chuckled. "This is what I do for excitement. I am, as you can see, no party animal or bar crawler. I do get into some photo spreads. I was advised to give the girl fans something to hope for, and I did in my formative years, but that's all done with now. I got tired of the sham and thankfully Lina never pushed any of us into uncomfortable publicity shots."

Gourry may have believed him, or maybe he didn't care; he smiled in an artless manner.

"So, when did you know?"

"Know what?" Xelloss asked. "Oh, you mean when did I know I was gay? I was about thirteen when the other guys moved from whispering about to experimenting with girls, and I was finding myself obsessing over them– the guys, I mean."

"And you've never done anything...sex stuff?" Gourry asked, wincing slightly.

"You do get personal, don't you?"

Xelloss chuckled nervously and fingered his hair.

The color rose to Gourry's cheeks and he looked down at his hands.

"Sorry, none of my business."

"No, it isn't, but I don't mind telling you. It's just that most straight guys don't want to know. It makes them uncomfortable."

Gourry met his eyes with an unflinching stare.

"I'm comfortable, if you are."

"Okay," Xelloss said, smiling. "Well, I have done it with girls. It's, ah, so much safer to make a move on a girl because they expect a guy to– but not with guys. I want to, but at first I kept picking the wrong ones, so I stopped making advances and mostly now just fend off unwanted ones."

"Must be tough, but it's not what I thought you'd say. I mean, I figured you'd be more...whatever."

"That's what most people think. Gay men are promiscuous, down to the last man. Period."

"Well, not exactly what I thought, but I figured it was easier finding..." Gourry paused to find a less hurtful way to say what he meant. "I mean, guys generally want it, more than girls, mostly."

"Sure, so the difficulty becomes balancing the physical need with the mental. I've seen others who are reduced to despising everyone they have sex with. I didn't want to become what amounts to a public convenience into which some would relieve themselves and then move on to the next man. I mean, I was made desiring men, but I'm not going to become a slave to my passions."

"Not a healthy lifestyle, that's for sure. It disgusts most folks." Gourry smiled and looked Xelloss in the eye again. "You're pretty smart, for a drop out, if that's true– just what I heard about you."

Xelloss sat back, relaxing some.

"Oh yes, it's true. I remember the first guy I fell for. It was high school, or would have been had I finished, and he was in my science class. My lab partner. I thought he was so cute with his brown curly hair and green eyes. I couldn't help staring at him. He told me to cut it out and I tried. I found out where he lived and went to his house. His older brothers figured me for what I was and beat me up. After that I learned to keep my thoughts to myself, and I took up martial arts. I never went back to school, studied bass more seriously, and got into a band. I had connections, so that wasn't so hard and next thing I knew my band was recording and rather successful."

Xelloss smiled and ran a hand through his hair, leaving his bangs in a tousled state.

"My turn to take over the conversation, huh?"

Gourry smiled back.

"It's okay. I never really noticed anything different about you, 'cept that you could sing, even though Lina doesn't let you."

"Well, I'd like to think that I am just one of the guys. My sexual preferences are not something I advertise– or hide, either– and less so now."

"Why's that? " Gourry asked, "What made you change your mind?"

"I met _the one_."

"The one that what?"

"THE one. The one I can't get over. The one I want."

"Oh, _that_ one." Gourry looked thoughtful, a tiny frown creasing his brows. "Who is it? Not that Miwan guy we met?"

Xelloss' eyes widened, surprised, and then closed, his smile tightening.

"No, definitely not him, although he's a friend, most of the time. Miwan is too girly, even for me. Let's just say it's a secret, since this particular guy doesn't like me very much. He often hates me, I'd say. So it's a lost cause, which, now that I think about it, makes me really not want to talk about it, okay?"

"I don't think this guy you're talking about hates you, Xelloss. I think he doesn't understand you and probably hates himself, but then that's just a guess...ah...not knowing who it is and all."

However, the way Gourry said that and looked over at him, made Xelloss suspect the man knew exactly who he was infatuated with. He wondered if he was as good at hiding his feelings as he thought. Gourry said nothing more about it, and the conversation seemed stifled, when Xelloss' cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Xelloss said, meeting Gourry's eyes. "I'll see if he's available."

Xelloss mouthed "Lina" and waited for a response.

Gourry reached out and took the phone, saying, "Lina, what's up?"

He listened a minute then said, "Okay, I'll come over. Won't take me long."

Xelloss made a face as he took back his cell phone.

"Still at her bid and call?"

"It's not what you think. It's about the guy she thinks caused her accident. She's home and sounded in danger. I'm gonna go check things out. You know, stay until Amelia or Luna can be there with her. I won't be long."

"I'll wait for the movers, then," Xelloss said after Gourry's retreating back.

(o)

When Gourry arrived at the nearest bus stop to Lina's apartment, a young man strode up to meet him. Gourry judged him to about his age, possibly younger. He smiled amicably, reaching out to shake hands.

"Gourry Gabriev, right?"

"Yeah."

Gourry enveloped the smaller man's hand in his own and squeezed gently.

"I'm here to take you to Lina; she's already gone on ahead. She was sure you'd understand, but, here, she gave me this as she left, telling me you'd recognize it as hers in case you didn't take me at face value."

Gourry released the hand and took the offered bandana. The black cloth was a familiar accessory of Lina's.

"Sure, I know this. She gave it to you to show me? Well, okay. Ah, where are we going?"

"To the offices and studio of Phibrizzo, Inc," the stranger answered, opening a car door for Gourry then running around to the driver's seat. "Not far at all."

Gourry recognized the name and remembered Zelgadiss telling him that Xelloss was going to give them a tour.

"Is this like a tour or something?"

"That certainly can be arranged."

(o)

Zelgadiss was scavenging his refrigerator for a can of pop, finding nothing. Val must have consumed everything in sight, Zel grumbled to himself, although he couldn't see when the guy had had the time. Val's remarks had left him feeling agitated and insecure, and now Lina was stirring up trouble, getting Amelia on his back. He would have to do something about her. It wasn't fair stringing her along for his own duplicitous reasons. He'd have to come straight with her-- or not. His mood was sinking into a deep crevasse of gloom, when his cell phone hummed excitedly on the kitchen table. Zel slammed the refrigerator door shut with a "damn it all" and scrambled over to where the device was recharging on the kitchen table.

"What do you want?" he snapped irritably.

"Hey, you have no reason to yell at me!" Lina herself shouted. "Listen, I got this problem."

"Is that so? Well, I'm about to leave. I'll be over as soon as I am able."

"Gourry's missing! _He _was supposed to be coming over. I just called Xelloss and he said Gourry left half an hour ago and he's not here yet! There's been this suspicious looking car driving around; I don't see it now."

"Did Amelia get there?"

"Yeah, some time ago, but not Gourry. I got a bad feeling about this Phibrizzo character. I'm gonna confront him at his studio and get him off my back."

"You'll do no such thing, Lina; at least not until I get there. First, Gourry's probably lost. He most likely got off at the wrong stop and had to walk and stopped off for a sandwich on the way. However, as I said, I'm on my way over. That's right, so go nowhere and do nothing. Bye."

Zelgadiss kicked at a chair leg which was threatening to trip him up.

"Damn you Xelloss for getting Lina involved! Well, you're going to get her out of this somehow."

He punched in Xelloss' number and the moment he heard Xelloss soft "Hello?" he launched into an angry tirade.

"You are so stupid!" Zelgadiss spat at him, swinging his arm around as if to smash something on the ground, only he had nothing to throw, since the refrigerator had been devoid of drinks. "Lina just called. Yes, now Gourry's missing and she's ready to take on Phibrizzo. I wonder how she got that idea stuck in her head? Why did you get Lina into this kind of mess? I know you're trouble, the tabloids aren't completely false, but I didn't think you would use your friends to do whatever dirty work you need done. Yes, I'm saying that! Don't you ever think about what you're doing?"

Xelloss was pissed off by Gourry's inability to avoid screwing things up and Zelgadiss' accusations.

"No more than _you_ do. It wasn't me who got shafted by my grandfather and grew the biggest flaming chip-on-the-shoulder there ever was! You really must believe I'm some kind of a good-for-nothing devil worshiper, or something. "

As soon as he'd said it, Xelloss regretted it. He should have kept his mouth shut, like he usually did, but he cared. He cared too much. Zelgadiss was vulnerable, wide open to being hurt, twisted, even broken. Now, he was angry with himself for being clumsy, feeling too much and thinking too little, and the result: Zelgadiss was angrier. He had been frightened before, but then he had gone and insulted him, and Zelgadiss was not going to stand for that.

"Hey, sorry, man. I had no right to say that to you. I want to make everything right, I really do. Why don't you come pick me up outside the bar and..."

The sound of Zelgadiss' hang-up was eloquent. It was action and comment compressed into one little monosyllable. Xelloss stared at his silent cell phone a moment.

"Alternatively, we can take separate conveyances."

It was odd how happiness unshared was only half as great, and yet any kind of misfortune when alone was doubled. Xelloss sighed twice, rummaged through a coat pocket for bus fare, and then sighed again. His next sigh was broken by the sound of a rap at the door.

"Delivery for a Mr. Gabriev!"

Xelloss indicated where to place the couch and waited impatiently for both mattresses to be placed and unwrapped. He closed the door on the men and studied the list of "Things to Do" Zelgadiss had drawn up.

"Later, honey," he said, dropping the note on the kitchen counter.

He abandoned the rest of his chores and passed out of the room, the bar, and to the next challenge to his well being.

(o)

Zelgadiss unplugged the barely recharged cell phone and jammed it into his pocket, then rushed from his house. On the way to picking up the two girls, he made up his mind to change his life, though, if it didn't get prematurely ended in the current adventure. His dark mood precluded any greetings or conversation when he reached Lina's. Amelia helped Lina maneuver her self and her crutches into the back seat of his car, and then slid next to him up front.

Without a word, Zelgadiss drove Lina and Amelia to Mr. Phibrizzo's studio without argument, or a plan, but he reached a decision about how to alter his own life in what he hoped would be an improvement. Instantly he felt the melancholy lift. His problems seemed trivial now. He had only to act.

Lina pointed out the window, and said, "That's the same car I saw circling my block."

Zelgadiss pulled up alongside the black Mazda and turned off the ignition.

"It's the only car in the parking lot. Do you think we're expected?"

"Stifle the sarcasm, Zel and get me inside," Lina demanded and he obediently complied, dropping to his knees and studying the door lock.

Lina watched him with admiration as she continued to talk.

"Obviously Phibrizzo abducted Gourry under some pretense and is using him to get me to do something I won't do."

"Too bad he chose now to use him to motivate you," Zelgadiss said.

He selected a slender metal tool from a collection in his pocket and gave the lock one last shot.

"After you guys have broken up... there... and you don't care if Gourry lives or dies."

"I do care-- that much, anyway."

The lock released and the door swung open.

"How did you learn pick locks like that?" Amelia asked him.

"Escaping from my grandfather's house," he replied simply, choosing not to say more.

"Pick up the pace, you guys. I can hear voices down the hall! This way!"

Lina tottered on her crutches through the entry, pass the reception desk, and down a dimly lit hallway leading into the interior of the building. She did not look menacing that way. She looked small and fragile.

Zel shook his head, smiling a little half-smile, mumbling "This way, huh?"then proceeded to follow her, dragging his feet, pretending to be mired in sticky mud. Even moving in slow action he had no problem keeping up with her. Amelia, giggling at his unusual antics, matched his pace and limped on a "tender" leg.

Lina paused, twisted her head around and frowned. "Are you guys mocking me?"

"Who me? Unlikely," Zel said.

He stood ram-rod straight, arms crossed over his chest, gazing down at Lina with his sharp, blue-green eyes, his expression very, very serious.

Amelia, too, stood erect, eyes open and innocent. It was all Amelia could do not to laugh outright at Zel's temerity. He was suddenly acting like a different person.

The moment Lina turned the corner, when saw light pouring from an open door and could hear voices inside. Using her crutch to jab open the door wide enough to pass was the fastest way to get through. At the sound of the door crashing open, all heads turned to Lina. Gourry stepped toward her, perfectly healthy and hail as ever.

"Gourry! You're okay!"

"Hey, Lina, you finally got here. I've been looking for you. You got to see this place. Nice setup, good sound rooms, latest equipment. I think you oughtta listen to what the man has to say and maybe sign on with his company, for your next band, that is."

Mr. Phibrizzo and Lina stood face to face, Lina balancing on her good leg and using the crutches for support.

"So, you are Lina Inverse," he said pasting on a grin. "So good to finally meet you."

"That's right, buster. Xelloss has told me about you," she said with far less composure than she had hoped for.

For a father with teenage sons, the man was young looking, lean, with beautiful hands and a passionately sensitive face. As she studied his face she caught a strange wildness in his eyes, like that of an addict. He wasn't what she had expected. Lina had in mind a fat old geezer she could push around or flatter to death.

"Did he? Well, he was less kind to me," Phibrizzo said with a forced smile. "He has kept you practically a total secret, which I consider wise, considering your great beauty, but very selfish of him."

A blush washed upwards from her chest to her scalp.

"Er, ah, thanks."

"That can't be true," Amelia broke in. "You've had someone watching her house ever since she got home, and I wouldn't be surprised that it was you who had her watched in the hospital."

Before the man could deny her charges, Zelgadiss broke in to say, "And isn't it true that you're responsible for her accident in the first place? One that has killed one of your competitors?"

"Who? Gaav? Sad thing, but hardly competition. Oh dear, you have misunderstood me– massively thrown everything out of proportion. Gaav was a fool. He couldn't change with the times, modernize; his business was going into bankruptcy. Still, he had a few excellent contracts which I was generously offering to buy."

"But he refused to bend, so you killed him," Lina summarized.

"He forced my hand and I'm afraid my boyswere impetuous," the man said, his expression rueful. "But I am no killer."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lina waved her hand to stop the nonsense. "Listen, I'm here to tell you to leave me alone. I don't want any part of whatever your company has to offer, and I don't think the guys do either, but that's up to them seeing asour band's broken up."

"What? No!" Phibrizzo cried out.

"I don't think this man's stable," Amelia whispered to Zelgadiss, who nodded his assent.

"He's a liar," Zel whispered back, nodding agreement. "His motives are screwy, his logic non-existent, and his methods criminal."

"_Yes_." Lina leaned forward and jabbed at Phibrizzo with her crutch. "The Slayers just broke up, so you've wasted you time and killed a man for nothing, intentionally or not."

Zelgadiss swore under his breath and wished Xelloss was here to refute some of this with what he knew. As if on cue, Xelloss marched into the room as if he were going to war, and he felt as if he were.

Phibrizzo's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Xelloss? I hadn't expected you to show up here?"

"My friends need help, so here I am."

"I didn't ask for your help. You may go."

"Whatever do you mean?" Xelloss smiled innocently, and, yet, as his eyes opened to narrow slits, his expression turned dangerous. The face opposite Xelloss' was steadily losing its ingenuousness and becoming wary and hostile. "I meant," Xelloss said, "I'm here for them, not you."

Phibrizzo looked askance for his boys. They moved in closer, protectively, one on either side of him. This day was not turning out as he'd expected. Having Xelloss show up was unforeseen, but for the young man to suddenly to turn on him was very bad. He had to pull a rabbit out of a hat, and fast.

"Okay, I see I can't fool you all. Very clever, smart kids...all of you. Okay, I admit to a few wrongdoings but I've done nothing to harm any of you–"

"What! You think I like stumping around like this? You think I can go on stage this way!" Lina screamed.

"I regret any inconvenience to you, my dear. Here, how about I cover all your expenses? Will that help prove to you my good intentions?"

"It might help," Lina said, appearing placated by his offer.

Phibrizzo was pleased with the effect of that speech, encouraged enough to turn his attention toward Zelgadiss.

"And how about you? Sign with my company and I'll give you and whatever new band you form complete artistic control over the material and guarantee you at least two CD's..."

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Five 


	6. Chapter 6

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance; Lemon content, sexual situations**

**Chapter Six -- Revelation **

* * *

As Phibrizzo continued talking, denying his deadly intents while attempting to lure the boys into a contract with him, Lina remained at his elbow, her crutches nearly tripping him twice in order to keep him in clear view. Beneath her clothes she was wearing a recording device, which was continuously transmitting his entire admission. She was determined to bring him down, to ruin him, just as he had nearly ruined her. 

Zelgadiss listened carefully, but he didn't like the situation; in fact, the absurdity of what the man was saying compared to the facts as he knew them was growing intolerable to him. His teenage years had been about control, the subjugation of his true nature and his feelings. Those passions, which he had so carefully concealed with an impenetrable armor, were surfacing and threatening to explode inside him. Being part of Lina's band had begun the process, but breaking from the band had accelerated it. His earlier decision to do something about them was all that kept his common sense intact.

Over the past few days, during the latest events, he had enjoyed closer interactions with people whom he could now call friends than ever in his past. He'd been starved for that intimacy and he was not going to let it all get away from him. This man, Zelgadiss felt, was a threat to them, to all that was important to him. He would not let another adult hold him back.

It was the additional irritation caused by the self-satisfied smirk on the older son, an idle and sullen youth with a sensual face and dark eyes which stared at him insolently, that finally set him off. Zelgadiss had to speak out to keep his sanity. Naturally, had he known about Lina's little scheme to include the authorities, he might have held his tongue longer, not that it mattered in the end.

"Enough of this ridiculousness!"Zelgadiss shouted in a voice ending with a furious growl.

All eyes were drawn to him. He knew he had only a few minutes to settle the problem peaceably, if possible, but he had to make it clear that they knew everything. Lina and Gourry must not be drawn into Phibrizzo's trap.

"There's a kid back at my apartment whose life you just screwed up, and NO pretty contract deal can fix him, or replace everything he's lost. A man's life was snuffed out because he had the balls to run his own business his own way, and that annoyed you. Lina, here, was nearly killed herself, and what for? Just to get her attention, or was she just a tool to get to Gaav? It doesn't matter! Don't you see? Just knowing all that, how could Gourry or I or Xelloss here have the slightest desire to leave the Wolfpack label? Murder is no motivation to make us change recording companies, and only a madman would contemplate such a thing. Hah! Even a nutcase wouldn't sign on with someone who'd do something like that! You must be crazy! No, you _are _crazy!"

That outburst, the crazy little man did not like. Phibrizzo started screaming, foaming at the mouth, promising to murder them all. Suddenly, Lina was worried for their safety. Even if the police blasted through the door now, someone might get hurt.

Xelloss was thinking along the same lines. In a flash of movement, Xelloss grabbed one of Phibrizzo's sons, and flung him at Gourry, shouting "Grab him!" then in a blur of motion, grasped the remaining son and pushed him into Zelgadiss' arms.

"Hold on to them and don't let them get away!" Xelloss ordered his friends.

Gourry and Zelgadiss were alarmed, but had the presence of mind to do what they were told as they watched Xelloss block a round-house kick to the head by Phibrizzo, and then deliver a series of karate punches in rapid succession.

"I didn't know he could fight like that," Gourry said over Amelia's head to Zel.

"Me neither. Phibrizzo's good, too. Watch out Xelloss!" Zelgadiss warned him as he tightened his hold on the squirming boy in his arms.

Xelloss couldn't react in time to block the next punch, but Lina had been waiting for her chance to jump into the fray. She had lifted one of her crutches above her head, waiting for an opening, saw it coming, and then with all her strength pounded Phibrizzo across the back with all her might. Had she been holding a sword, and not missed her mark, she might have chopped his head clean off. As it was, she clubbed him to the floor.

"Damn! I meant to brain him!" she yelled.

Xelloss was on Phibrizzo in a split second, holding him with his legs while grappling to secure his arms. One arm slid free. There was a fleeting movement; Xelloss glimpsed a metallic sheen from the corner of his eye.

Xelloss shouted a warning and made a counter move of his own. "Get down!"

Phibrizzo had pulled out a gun from a pocket. Xelloss knocked it out of his hand just as it discharged, altering the aim. The bullet flew over Lina's head and lodged in the wall inches from where Amelia was standing.

"That was a very bad idea," Xelloss growled between gritted teeth. He bent over so he could speak directly into the man's ear while pinning him to the round, immobilized. "You _do_ realize that you are ruined, now. You will be unable to conduct business anymore, and Zelas will buy out the controlling shares. She will own it all."

"No!" Phibrizzo cried out.

But his eyes told Xelloss that at that moment he realized how Xelloss had tricked him into thinking Lina's band would be a pushover to steal away from Zelas. Just have to apply a little pressure, Xelloss had told him. Xelloss had persuaded him to combine both the strike against Gaav and the move on Lina in too close a time frame to be successful, thus ensuring failure as his sons' bungled both jobs. Of course it all had to be proved, and it was his word against a bunch of musicians who had attacked his boys and himself! Phibrizzo was just feeling better, convinced that he still had a way out of this situation, when the police arrived, congratulating Lina for capturing all Phibrizzo's confession.

"We got it all on tape. Good job, young lady," the officer in charge said as he tipped his hat to Lina, and then turned to his men. "That's right, even the boys. They are older than they look. Put them in manacles and read'em their rights."

"No...no! Nooooo!" Phibrizzo hollered as he was secured for removal.

Zelgadiss was relieved that it was all over, but irritated that Lina had kept them all in the dark.

"So, Lina, you were wired by the police? You had this all planned, and didn't tell us?"

He stepped aside to make room for the officers to take the deeply distraught Phibrizzo and his sons away.

"Well?" he asked her again.

"I'm tired, Zel, and really ought to be recuperating in bed, so I'm going home, but yeah. Hey, I wasn't sure who'd show up, but I'm glad you all did. I didn't know if I could still count on you anymore."

If Lina felt bad about not telling her friends about her plan, she wasn't showing it.

"And, ah, I'm really okay with you guys forming your own band, if you want. I think it's a good idea. I wanna start over, too. I think this time I'll go with synthesizers and add another singer."

"Yes, and we found out at the hospital that the nice nurse who took such good care of Lina does both. She plays the synthesizer and sings beautifully. Did you know that?" Amelia asked.

"Miss Sylphiel?" Xelloss wondered.

"That's the one!"

"Well, how odd how things have turned out," he mused.

"But we're all still friends and can part on good terms. That's the most important thing!" Amelia declared.

"No, the most important thing is that we are all alive," Zel muttered, glaring at Lina who remained unrepentant. "Anyone needing a ride, I'm going now."

After dropping Gourry and Xelloss off at their building, Zelgadiss drove back to his own place, collected Val, and shuttled him to his newly furnished room in Gourry's apartment. Xelloss waited around to see that Val was okay and listened as Gourry and Zel filled him in on the exciting events he had slept through. Although Val and Gourry acted normally, Zelgadiss excluded him from his field of vision and the conversation. Apparently he had not forgiven Xelloss for getting them all involved in his dangerous operation or for his stab at his past recording woes.

"We haven't heard the last of all this. Too much money is at stake. Who gets Gaav's properties? Phibrizzo's? There's more to come," Zelgadiss guessed.

Gourry shook his head and said, "Well, I hope they leave me out of it next time. I just want things to get back to some kinda normal and start getting some gigs."

They all agreed. They decided on a first practice date in the near future—Xelloss volunteering to make the arrangements at their Wolfpack studio. Before parting for the night, Gourry invited Zel and Xelloss for dinner the next evening.

Zelgadiss accepted with a curt nod.

"Thanks."

"You can cook?" Xelloss asked, questioning his culinary expertise.

"You didn't think Lina did any cooking did ya?" Gourry laughed.

"Okay, you got me there. I'd love to taste whatever you can concoct."

Xelloss chanced a brief look at Zelgadiss, but he was already heading for the stairs.

"Well, good night."

(o)

Xelloss slept late the next day. It was well into the afternoon before he dressed. He was anxious to see his friends, but mostly to recover some of Zelgadiss' goodwill, if there was any. Before the fight at Phibrizzo's studio, Zelgadiss' phone call had been harsh, and they'd both said regrettable things. Xelloss had been pushed to mention Zel's bad business with his grandfather, the details of which he did not know. In fact, all he really knew was that it made Zel mad, which is all he'd intended to do– lash back. But he really didn't want to hurt Zelgadiss, of course, he'd just been pressed and it was the first thing that came to mind, and the last. Zelgadiss had not directed a word to him since that phone call. He had probably only dropped him off at his apartment because he was going that way for Gourry.

Xelloss consoled himself with the reminder that Zelgadiss would be there tonight.

"At least he doesn't hate me so much that he's totally avoiding me."

He swabbed a cut to his arm with antiseptic and covered it with a clean bandage. He knew his fighting skills had saved them all from serious injury, but he hadn't escaped unscathed. He checked his bruises, and then dressed carefully in a moss green sweater over a clean t-shirt and a pair of loose black jeans. He examined his hair in the mirror, dabbing at the cut above his eye, hidden by his bangs, and then left the bathroom satisfied that he looked his best, under the circumstances. There was little he could do to mask the circles under his eyes caused by the niggling worries in the back of his mind.

Gourry and Val both opened the door and invited Xelloss into their house-warming dinner party. He was the last to arrive.

"Zelgadiss just got here," Gourry told him in a low voice.

"Gourry's going to teach me how to cook," Val said cheerfully.

He hung over a side of the couch, his body lean and elegantly effete, mint-green hair falling over his face, hiding wispy eyebrows. His unusual golden eyes scanned Gourry up and down, lingering on his well-endowed form longer than necessary.

"So," Val went on, "dinner will take a little longer than expected."

Xelloss looked at Val with acute suspicion out of the corner of his eye, then said,

"No rush."

Val smiled ravishingly up at Gourry.

"I feel in the way here," Zelgadiss said, looking looked over at Xelloss. "Maybe we could go downstairs, get a drink."

"I–"

Xelloss' voice would hardly obey him. Had Zelgadiss really asked him to accompany him? His heart was high in his throat or might have started to sing.

"That would be–" He nearly said "marvelous" but that sounded stupid, true, but stupid.

He gulped and swallowed hard. "Yeah."

He should get that silly smile off his face, too, but it wouldn't go.

Zelgadiss looked at him with a most curious smile, half interested and half amused. Xelloss knew he must have given himself away and he wanted nothing more than to run away, but his feet refused. His body remained one moment hot, then next cold, in Gourry's front room.

"Okay, then, let's go," Zelgadiss said.

Xelloss' heart beat so hard he felt the shaking of his body was visible, and his mouth was completely dry. Xelloss could feel Zel's cold, blue eyes raking him over, exposing his raw feelings to harsh reality. He hoped something magical would save him.

"Unless you don't feel up to it. You don't look well," Zelgadiss said.

Zelgadiss' eyes paused in their examination and locked on his.

"I see you cut yourself."

Was the cut that obvious? It took all Xelloss' control not to raise a hand and touch it. He wanted to grab Zelgadiss and run out the door; that is, had he been able to move.

Zelgadiss looked away, then back. It was direct contact.

"At the studio, in the fight and all... You did well...brilliantly, in fact. However, if you ever do anything like that again, I'll..."

Xelloss melted with the praise, and then grinned at him. He didn't want to smile, but he could not help it. Suddenly here was a joy beside the fear, a fierce warm ache he never wanted to lose. Zelgadiss had not touched him, nor he him, but the look in Zel's eyes had been a caress in itself, a touch that would never fade.

"Hey, dinner isn't really started. You guys can pop a beer and kick back," Gourry called out over a shoulder as Val passed Zelgadiss two bottles from the kitchen.

Zelgadiss jumped, looking after them, breaking his invisible bond with Xelloss. Xelloss could have killed Gourry for destroying his magical moment. He closed his eyes and summoned all his strength to calm down.

"So, Zelgadiss, you're not still mad at me, for what I said? It was uncalled for."

"No," Zelgadiss replied, "but we can talk about your involvement with Phibrizzo, the truth, another time. It's irrelevant now."

Xelloss let out his breath, then said, "Well, then, I'll be okay. I think I need to cool off first."

"Okay, sure," Zelgadiss agreed.

Xelloss starting walking, he knew not where, but ended his walk in the living room. He yanked off his sweater, pulled down his t-shirt where is stuck to his sweaty back, and then perched on the wide window sill, feeling the cool draft. His eyes opened to slits as he watched Zelgadiss step lightly across the rug, heading his way, carrying the beer bottles, the young man's silver hair shimmering under the overhead, ambient light. Xelloss unconsciously licked his lower lip and lowered his eyes as the young man approached.

"Hot?" Zelgadiss asked.

Xelloss looked up, startled– he thought he'd read his mind.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, they over-heat this place, don't you think?" Xelloss said aloud, then winced internally. What a stupid thing to say!

Zelgadiss stopped, a foot away. "What did you think I meant?"

Xelloss felt the heat rise up his neck to his cheeks.

"I wasn't thinking, exactly. Just reacting."

"To the heat...?" Zelgadiss asked.

Zelgadiss stepped closer.

"To you," Xelloss said, looking down.

There he'd said it finally. He decided to get it over with or he'd be skirting the issue forever. He couldn't disguise his feelings any longer.

"Do you mind that I have... an interest... in you? I would understand if you did. You're heterosexual, have a girlfriend, and imagining another man..." Xelloss was speaking with difficulty. "Shit, I'm sorry. Just hit me and get it over with."

He brought both arms up to run his fingers through his damp bangs nervously.

He didn't hear Zelgadiss set the bottles to the side. Instead he felt his wrists caught up in Zel's one-handed, vise-like grip, pressed back onto window frame, pinned. He winced, ready for the punch he knew he could block easily, but wouldn't. Xelloss struggled against his defensive reactions. He'd let Zelgadiss beat him to a pulp if it would make it easier for him to deal with the situation. In fact, he wanted to see the fist, so he opened his eyes just in time to get poked by Zelgadiss' wiry hair, to feel the warm breath moments before contact.

Zelgadiss slammed into him, their teeth clicking together under the brunt of his assault. It didn't register with Xelloss at first that the other man was kissing him, but when it did, his entire body shook with tension, fighting back from his submissive pose before relaxing into the window, allowing Zel to dominate him. His lips firmed slightly, resisting Zelgadiss' forceful attack, and he wiggled into a more comfortable position, spreading his legs slightly and allowing Zel to press closer. Feeling the other man's heat along his thighs caused an ache of pleasure centered in his groin. He tilted his hips without thinking, adding friction, and arousing them both more. Xelloss moaned into the kiss, parting his lips slightly, and was rewarded with a hot tongue, trusting into his mouth.

Xelloss had never permitted any one to take charge in that manner. He was always the aggressor, and never took things to the point where his activity could be misconstrued as encouragement for the other man to continue. But this was a dream. It wasn't Zelgadiss dribbling spit on his chin, thrusting his erection into his, holding him captive. It couldn't be. It had to be a dream. He'd be waking up any minute now.

Zelgadiss released his wrists, only to bury his fingers in Xelloss' hair. He nipped at Xelloss' lower lip, sucking, then nipping again, driving Xelloss mad with need. Xelloss used the opportunity to slide his hands beneath Zel's shirt. When he felt Zel move back a few inches, Xelloss opened his eyes. Yes, Zelgadiss was still there.

"This _is_ real," Xelloss whispered, tears running unchecked down his cheeks as the seconds ticked away.

Finally, Zelgadiss wiped off one wet cheek with a thumb.

"And they call _me_ the 'emo' one," he said tongue-in-cheek.

"Your music is...was... most definitely 'emo'. Oh, gods... If I rolled up all my fantasies into one, it couldn't compare to this."

Zelgadiss smoothed Xelloss' glossy, though slightly mussed hair, kissed him on his bruised lips, then met his gaze.

"I've wanted to touch your hair for the past year. Gods, it's so soft."

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" Xelloss asked, his voice husky with emotion. He looked down and whispered, "Why are you doing this now?

"I had to." Zelgadiss' voice broke. He took a soothing sip from one of the bottles before going on. "The way you looked, sitting there just now. And when you said you were attracted to me, I couldn't believe it, but I wasn't going to miss my chance to... admit my...feelings."

"So, you're not leading me on here, right?"

"No, had you not said anything, I would have. I've been thinking about things, changing my life. I couldn't hold it in any more; I didn't want to. You see, I've been trying my best to hate you because of the way you made me feel the first time I saw you. It's made me miserable, more than normal," Zel added wryly.

"_Hate_ me? For gods'sakes, why?"

"When Lina introduced you at that first rehearsal, I fell so hard." Zelgadiss looked off into the distance visualizing the moment locked in his memory. "But it wasn't the first time I'd seen you. I did _not_ want to lust after another guy. I'd fought it for years, but then you came and I couldn't ... avoid it."

"So you paired up with Amelia? Nice use of a band member." Xelloss hated denial excuses.

"It was wrong, awful of me. I have to talk to her, although she suspects. She's pretty smart; she probably knows."

Xelloss didn't want to lead the conversation to Amelia, though. He thought that there had to be more to Zelgadiss' past which had stunted his emotional state this drastically, something more than simple denial. Getting the guy to tell him was another thing. He returned to an earlier comment Zel had made and explored that.

"So, you said you'd seen me. Where?"

Suddenly, Zelgadiss clammed up. Exposing his inner thoughts proved painful and he was unsure if an outgoing guy like Xelloss would understand. He was very private, and yet he was dying to change.

"Tell me everything," Xelloss urged.

He brushed a light kiss over his lips for reassurance, then, pulling back, asked, "Why so you drive yourself so hard? Why are you so ashamed?"

Xelloss scooted over allowing Zelgadiss more room to ease himself at his side on the window ledge. With a little more prompting, Zelgadiss broke.

"I was thirteen, a little older, when my grandfather caught me kissing my cousin."

"That must have been embarrassing," Xelloss said, although he didn't see how that could be so terribly damaging.

Zelgadiss' eyes turned steely blue, hardening. "My cousin was a boy of fifteen."

Xelloss eyes widened. "You mean...?"

"My first kiss was with another boy, yes. Rezo was furious. My cousin was sent away. I never saw or heard from him again. My parents turned me over to my grandfather's care, for corrective measures. I became no better than a servant in his house, an unpaid slave to his demands at the studio. I had no friends and a tutor was hired for all my schooling. My only solace was in music. I taught myself to play the guitar, and in two year's time I had a hit song. He owned me and the rights to my music, or so I was told. It wasn't until Lina asked Amelia's father to look into my contract that I learned differently, and I was freed."

Zel's eyes were suddenly smoldering with hatred.

"He tried to turn me into something I was not, to change me. I was allowed to take dance lessons and touch a girl or two, but never was I allowed in a room, alone, with any male, man or boy. I hated myself for having this nasty affliction which caused me so much pain. I agonized over my dreams filled with visions of my cousin coming to save me. I tortured myself to rid myself of my sickness. I hated my grandfather for destroying my self-image and reducing me to a perpetual state of misery."

"But you were not sick, only in love with another boy. That wasn't your fault," Xelloss said softly, assuring his friend that he understood.

"He had me convinced that I was evil, Xelloss, and that he could undo that. I tried, but I could only keep up the charade as long as I didn't allow anyone to get too close, because if they did, I knew that somehow they would figure out my dirty little secret. I was relatively successful. Then one day, a couple years ago or so, I went to a club. Your band was up for a short spot. You had just put out your first CD; you had it for sale there and I bought it."

Xelloss chuckled nervously, adding, "Not for the music, I presume."

"No, not for the music. It was not my taste, but the picture on the inside cover was." How could he forget that? "You were nearly naked. Oh, just a long thin strap of black leather was wrapped around your body, concealing what it had to for the picture not to be obscene. I stayed for your numbers, but you were dressed on stage."

Zelgadiss blushed slightly as he said that, remembering his excitement and disappointment at the same time.

"Yeah, that picture wasn't my idea, but I was told it sold more copies as a poster than the band's CD ever did," Xelloss admitted.

"There's a poster of that?"

"That's what I understood, not that I ever saw it. I'm really not an exhibitionist. I refused to go on stage that way, and never did another photo shoot under the same conditions."

Zelgadiss relaxed, pleased somehow with that information.

"Anyway, I hid the CD, taking it out on rare occasions to look at it, then I'd punish myself with hours of practicing to drive you from my thoughts. Lina looked me up, and soon after, like I've told you before, I joined her band. You have no idea how shocked I was when you walked into a practice session one day. Just out of the blue, there you were. Lina didn't warn us or say she was trying to get you either."

"And so you admonished yourself for feeling... some attraction... to me by asking out Amelia and making her your girlfriend of convenience. Just to deny your feelings–" Xelloss said.

"Pretty much, yes."

Zelgadiss closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.

"Are you all right?" Xelloss asked, lightly touching Zel's arm.

He received a smile in return, as Zel dropped his hands into his lap and looked up.

"I feel the best ever that I can remember. All the mood enhancing medication in the world has done next to nothing for me, but telling you this, having you here to listen and understand."

"I do," Xelloss whispered. "I understand better than you think, Zelgadiss. From the moment I walked into that practice and saw you, I made up my mind that you were the one for me; at least, it would be you or no one else, as hopeless at it seemed at the time. I can bear it if you don't feel the same way, but that you are here, like this... It's enough."

"Is it?" Zelgadiss asked.

"To be honest?" Xelloss opened his eyes wide, chuckling softly. "No. I want it all, but I won't ask, or beg."

Zelgadiss opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the crash and ring of falling kitchen utensils. After a moment of silence, they heard Gourry call out.

"Everything's okay! No problem! Dinner...er... will take longer than I thought."

"You need some help?" Xelloss asked half-heartedly.

"NO!" Val and Gourry said in unison.

"Can we go next door... to your place? Where it's quieter," Zelgadiss suggested tentatively not knowing what he was asking for.

"Yeah, good idea," Xelloss replied, not knowing either but anxious to find out. "Hey, guys? Zel and I are going over to my place for awhile. I...ah... have a CD to play for him. Just knock on the door when dinner's ready, okay? That's not too...ah...rude sounding is it?"

"No, that's great," Gourry answered, his voice muffled slightly. "Later, then."

"Yeah." Xelloss smiled as he felt Zelgadiss grab his hand and pull him out the door. "You know, I could swear that those two are getting it on in the kitchen..."

"Come on," Zel urged him faster.

Visions of Val and Gourry having hot sex in the kitchen were instantly replaced by the real image of Zelgadiss looking at him with wide-eyed expectancy.

"Okay..." Xelloss murmured.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Six. 


	7. Chapter 7

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Seven -- The Birthday Gift **

* * *

Gourry had failed to complete dinner. He hadn't gotten too far in instructing Val how to mash boiled potatoes, when he had succumbed to the boy's charms. He had been too long denied his natural urges by Lina, who was hardly more than a slip of a girl, boyish in her form anyway. Val, his upper body wrapped in bandages like a bondage victim, knew too many tricks of the trade, the male prostitution trade, to not see that yearning in the older man's eyes and to take advantage of it. A sensual smile here, an accidental nudge there, a dropped hint, dropped pants...

Gourry saw his opening, so to speak, driving him over the edge, and Val over the table, smooth, rounded bottom up, sending the mashes potatoes, spoons, butter– no, not the butter, that might be useful– over the edge as well.

"Everything's okay! No problem! Dinner...er... will take longer than I thought."

"You need some help?"

"NO!" Val and Gourry answered in unison, Val's laughter silenced with his face pushed firmly onto the wooden surface.

"Hey, guys? Zel and I are going over to my place for awhile. I...ah... have a CD to play for him. Just knock on the door when dinner's ready, okay? That's not too...ah...rude sounding is it?"

"No, that's great," Gourry answered, his voice muffled by Val's back, the skin pressed flush against his lips. "Later, then."

A final "Yeah" was heard before the sound of the front door closing.

"I thought they'd never get the idea and go."

"Yeah, at last," Val said. "Now, do me, baby."

(o)

Zelgadiss slammed the door to Xelloss' studio, waved his arms in graceful gesture, and then turned, leaning back on the door jam, to look at Xelloss. "What?"

"What were you doing? The arm thing?" Xelloss demonstrated.

"I was putting a locking spell on the door, like a 'keep away' sign so no one, ah... comes over to tell us dinner's ready."

"I see." Xelloss raised his eyebrows expressively. "You are a very strange man."

That seemed to amuse Zelgadiss. A smile flickered over his face, his nerve fading quickly as uncertainty crossed his mind. He wanted more contact, mostly physical, but was suddenly shy. He had sprung the first move spontaneously– his next would have to be planned, and he had no plan.

Xelloss shrugged toward his settee.

"Want to sit?"

His eyes found and held Zel's, who had lost his voice.

"No? How about a dance?"

Zelgadiss followed his every movement with his eyes. Xelloss had a kind of sensuality about him that he found very attractive, not the decadence or immorality that oozed from Val, but a simpler pleasure. He needed to fill the quiet with some response.

"Dance? Sure, but I've never danced with...another guy before."

Xelloss crossed from the settee to the crate-and-board construction pushed against the wall, where an ancient TV and CD player resided. He flicked through a stack of CD's, selected one, and adjusted the volume as the tune began. He held out his arms, beckoning.

"Come here."

He took Zelgadiss' hands and placed one on each of his own hips. His, he rested lightly on Zel's shoulders. They were the same height, able to look each other in the eye. As they rocked slowly with the music, Xelloss' hands slipped around to Zel's back, pulling him closer, causing Zel's hands to glide lower and around. The blood rose to his face, realizing that Xelloss' butt was underneath, and then decided to safely stuff his hands into Xelloss' back pockets where he discovered he could feel the undulating muscles even better.

They weren't really dancing; that wasn't the point. Xelloss knew Zelgadiss could dance well. As he played guitar, he was always moving with quick, often elaborate, steps. It was part of his shtick, and appeal. But now, it was all Xelloss could do to get him to relax a little and met his eyes. What that was needed was an injection of levity, Xelloss decided ultimately.

"You're picturing me in that leather strap now, aren't you," Xelloss whispered into the wiry, hair-covered ear.

With his nose, Xelloss shoved an opening in the silvery fall, then found the lobe and drew it into his mouth with his lips. Zelgadiss gasped from the sheer pleasure of the contact, the warmth of the breath, the faint chuckle beneath it tantalizing him.

"Ahh, no, not really. At least I wasn't, although..." Zel said, gulping for air, and then adding, "I am _now_."

Xelloss drew back to catch Zel's reaction and was surprised to find him smirking. Xelloss smiled back in a manner he hoped was seductive.

"Well, if I wasn't excited before, I am now."

Xelloss broke apart and in a single fluid movement pulled off his t-shirt. Zelgadiss gaped at the alabaster skin over a well-toned body– a less fragile, more mature figure than in the photo. His nipples were rosy, matching his lips, and a line of fine dark hair led downwards from his bellybutton, disappearing under the edge of his pants. Zel's eyes were fixed on this vision of erotica standing only a shoulder's-width away.

"You've changed; that is, since the picture was taken."

"Yeah, I was younger. I work out. Martial arts."

"Oh yeah, I saw how you handled Phibrizzo. You're good, like I told you."

"Thanks," Xelloss said, smiling. "I'll take you to my dojo next week, if you like. Val asked already. Being able to defend yourself is important when your lifestyle doesn't fit the norm–"

His sentence was cut when Zelgadiss covered the short distance between them and pressed his lips over Xelloss', devouring his words. Strong fingers slid over his chest and sides, exploring, caressing. Xelloss was thrilled to the touches and pulled Zelgadiss over to the couch. He fell backwards, pulling the other man down upon him. There was nothing soft about Zelgadiss. He was hard and sharp, all angles and points. He wasn't gentle; in fact, his move on Xelloss was nearly ferocious. There was too much pent-up need with no experience to know what to do or how to do it to make Zel's advances anything but an attack.

"Hey, slow down," Xelloss murmured, then repeated louder. "Zel, I said slow down! No need to tear clothes here, okay?"

Zelgadiss stopped and sat up, straightening his remaining clothes. From his strained expression, he looked liked he wanted to devour Xelloss alive. His hands were shaking.

"Yeah..."

He pushed off and stood up in order to remove a lighter and joint of dope from his back pocket. He lit up and drew in a deep, shuddering breath, then offered a hit to Xelloss. His hand trembled and his eyes were hooded.

"No thanks," Xelloss whispered, eyes narrowing in disapproval. "I have nothing to escape here. I like my reality. I thought I might be enough for you, too."

Drugs before a gig were one thing. It made work possible some nights. This wasn't work, though, he wanted to feel every moment and remember it. He had the sudden thought that maybe Zelgadiss didn't. What it the guy was just using him to release some tension? What if his story was a lie? Was his own desire clouding reality? The terrible idea cooled his ardor immediately.

Zelgadiss stubbed out the joint and looked around for a place to set it. He rested it, along with the rest of the contents of his pockets, on the floor. There was no table.

"It's...it's just habit. It calms me down."

Xelloss stood, relieved that it was just a case of nerves, and moved to wrap his arms around his high-strung friend.

"I was afraid for a moment that you were trying to wipe this night out of your memory."

"Oh, no...nothing... like that..." Zel said haltingly, trying his best to reassure Xelloss while he steeled himself to do something to get back that closeness he craved, but that his actions hadstifled.

Xelloss seemed to understand; at least, he couldn't wait for Zel to conquer his inner demons. His desire was welling up, driving wit from his mind. As he pulled Zelgadiss back to the couch to sit at his side, he thought up a good distraction.

"You kiss really nice, Zel."

The blood rushed to Zelgadiss' face.

"I feel like a jerk, an amateur– a bumbling idiot!"

Ignoring his words, Xelloss carefully unbuttoned Zel's shirt and spoke in a quiet, even voice.

"I always loved your voice, so low and rich. When I saw your eyes, wow. I couldn't believe the color. You've got gorgeous eyes, Zel."

Those eyes had been riveted to Xelloss' face, but looked away after hearing the compliment. Xelloss felt Zel shiver beneath his light touches to his shoulder and to his arms as he slipped off the shirt. He wondered what the guy was thinking– fear, lust, a bit of both? Might as well find out...

"Are you guessing what we might do next? Does it make you want me, knowing whatever we do next will be exciting, but at the same time do you think that it might be something... nasty?" Xelloss asked in husky voice.

He was aware of his own body throbbing with need but knew neither one of them were ready to do much. But how much? There was a friendship at stake. So much at risk!

Zelgadiss blinked in surprise, unable to think of what he could say.

"Hnn..."

"Does it repel you when you consider what depraved acts it might take to appease me?" Xelloss asked, his smile widening. "Or make you hot?"

"Erk?"

"Hey, I'm just kidding! You know that, right?"

Zelgadiss blushed deeply, his heart pounding and breath shallow.

"Maybe..."

"Can we go lay down?" Xelloss asked, voice low, gently stroking Zel's hand. "The couch really isn't accommodating."

"It's a damned awful piece of furniture, Xelloss," Zelgadiss said with more force than necessary, but then smiled as Xelloss ran a hand over his shoulder and onto his chest, feather light, teasing his brown-pink nipples to form hard nubs.

"Yes, I agree. I never use it. Umm, and did I mention how I love that killer smile of yours?"

Zelgadiss lowered his eyes, embarrassed.

"I'm not some stupid girl, so you can stop with the flattery."

"Oh! And have I mentioned the rapier wit?"

He squeezed one of the nipples and gave it a cruel twist, eliciting a sharp gasp and a flash of surprise from the other young man.

"Hey!"

Xelloss bent forward and lapped at the swollen nub with his tongue as he held Zelgadiss' arms in place. His lips took the place of his tongue, suckling a moment, then returned to licking, swirling his tongue around and around, missing the blood infused tip. He could feel Zel shudder through his grip on his arms. His tongue left a wet trail as he moved onto the other nub. If Zelgadiss didn't get the point of that move, then Xelloss might consider him to be dumber than he thought, or far more innocent.

Together they stood and stumbled over to Xelloss' floor mattress, but only Xelloss managed to locate the zipper pull on Zel's pants and work it down. He had his own off a second later, then helped remove Zel's briefs. They fell in a tangle onto the mattress, touching and squirming, hoping to accomplish too much, and as a result it was all over within minutes.

Xelloss wiped the mess off both their stomachs with his t-shirt, or Zel's; it was too dark to tell. They held each other for several minutes, shocked at the brevity of their first love-making and wondering what to do next.

"Um, Xelloss? You asleep?"

"No."

"Hungry?"

Xelloss wasn't, but he didn't want to squelch Zel's interests, wherever they led. He had hoped Zel would want to stay longer. He had hoped Zel would want to stay all night, but if that couldn't happen then he certainly didn't want Zel leaving without him.

"I could be. What have you got in mind? You're not thinking of going back next door to Gourry's, I hope?"

"No. I'd like to go out."

Xelloss sat up and checked the time.

"I know a place that's open all night we can walk to, but the food's only so-so."

Zelgadiss was already up and dragging on his pants.

"Don't worry about it."

Xelloss played keep-up, pulling out two clean shirts and tossing one to Zel.

"Here."

"Thanks!"

Zel caught it mid-air and seemed pleased at the new color choice. He noticed Xelloss hunting around his small place.

"You left your sweater next door, if that's what you're looking for."

Xelloss stopped moving, his hand hovering over a questionable pile of dirty laundry or clean, but discarded, clothes. He pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Oh, that's right! Thanks. I'll have to take a coat, then. Okay."

(o)

Zelgadiss smiled inwardly, thrilled that he had really and truly distracted this older, composed man. He knew it would be too much to hope for an overnight invitation; he was lucky to have been invited into the guy's room at all! He was terribly insecure and was certain that after his rather dismal performance in bed that Xelloss wasn't likely to want him back for a repeat, so he had felt compelled to come up with some reason to draw out the time spent with him– and that was where they were headed now.

Zelgadiss waited for Xelloss to lock his door on the way out, and then took off downstairs. The bar was rocking with a driving pre-loaded CD of dance music. When Xelloss turned automatically toward the bar entrance, Zelgadiss reached out and grabbed his arm.

"This way," Zel said, indicating the rear exit.

He didn't move, though, as he watched Xelloss recoil, his smile vanish, and a frown appear.

"If you don't want to be seen with me, maybe you should go... home... alone," Xelloss choked out.

His words confused Zelgadiss, and for a minute his hopes sank, joining the few sips of beer in the cold pit of his stomach.

"What? No, I mean, I don't know what you mean. "

"You're not ready to have the world know you're gay, are you? I mean, it's okay in the dark confines of my apartment, but to walk through there with me after we've changed clothes... Making a public show is not on the agenda, is it? Not tonight."

"What? I wasn't thinking that. My car's out this way."

Xelloss' face lit up.

"Oh? Oh! That's good. Right. I just thought...right. So, you're taking me someplace special? Oh...you like me, then, really?"

"Shit, yeah!" Zel said, astonished.

And then Zelgadiss understood. He hadn't imagined that Xelloss would ever doubt himself, _ever_. He had always seemed unassailable, secure in his own skin and shielded by success, with unshakable belief in his own merit, but the guy was making it perfectly clear that he needed his reassurance this time.

"I get it now. You thought I didn't want anyone to know we, ah, like each other? Xelloss, thanks for looking out for me that way, but I have to come to terms with this. Oh, not you and me, that's great!"

How presumptuous that sounded!

"I mean, coming to terms about myself and how that will change the way others see me and treat me. You, gods, Xelloss... I'm so excited that you, well, _like_ me that, well... Hey, if you want, we can go through the bar. Let them think what they want."

Xelloss smile broke out into a grin.

"I-I don't know. How about we go out, but afterwards, come back in through the front door?" Xelloss suggested.

Zelgadiss' eyes widened. That meant that Xelloss wanted him to come _back_ with him!

"And go to your room?" Zel risked asking.

"Yeah, if you want to-- I do."

"I'd like to."

Zelgadiss reached for Xelloss' hand, timidly at first. He paused to let out a shaky sigh. Admitting weakness and flaws was not Zel's strong point, but Xelloss was showing his vulnerable side.

"Though I can't figure why you want me back. I was pretty lame–"

Xelloss cut off further disparaging remarks with a sudden kiss. This was what he'd been missing, what he'd been craving, and he didn't want the wonderful sensations to stop. Zel opened his eyes when he felt Xelloss squeezing his hand and pull away.

"You and me both. We need to get to know one another, Zel. This is all happening rather fast, that's all."

Zelgadiss looked worried and tried to catch Xelloss' expression in the dim overhead bulb of the passageway.

"Too fast, you think?"

"No!" came Xelloss' quick reply. "Something's just can't happen fast enough, but," he blushed under Zel's close examination. "But really knowing one another takes, you know, time."

"We've known each other over a year."

"Not that way! I mean," Xelloss cast about for the right words. "Sexually, I mean. What to do or not. That way."

"Oh, of course," Zelgadiss muttered, embarrassed.

He had his hand on the door, uncertain whether he could swallow any food now; he was so excited again.

"Do we still need to go?"

"Not for me, but I thought you were hungry. I'm not, actually; for food that is."

Food was overindulgence, highly overrated, Zelgadiss agreed.

"Me neither– any more."

Zel glanced quickly past Xelloss up toward the stairs, asking, "Shall we go back?"

"Okay, but how about we go out this door and come back in through the front?" Xelloss suggested.

"Fine."

His eyes met Xelloss' and this time he caught the hint of playfulness in them.

"You are going to pull something, aren't you?"

"Yes, I want to show you off. Do you mind?"

"No, I guess not, now that I'm expecting it." Zelgadiss said.

Zelgadiss glowed, his good feelings overshadowing his apprehensions. Who wanted to show off whom? He was rewarded with a chuckle from Xelloss.

"Ha! You know, Zel, earlier when you said you hated me? Well, I thought you really did, but for different reasons. You were never friendly. I believed you might even be a homophobe. I was wrong about you then, and now, too. You are a lot braver than I'd thought."

Zel felt him lean in close to whisper intimately into his ear.

"And better hung, too."

Zelgadiss blushed, but with pleasure. All guys secretly needed others to admire the quality of their male appendages, and an insecure man like him was no exception. He couldn't muster a "thanks;" instead, he yanked Xelloss past the door into the damp, cold night.

"At least it isn't raining."

The two young men ignored the funny looks, the frowns, and the astonishment of the people they passed on the street as they dashed, hand-in-hand around the building and half the block to re-enter the bar from the front door. Breathless, Zelgadiss let Xelloss lead him to the bar and waved for the bartender's attention.

The barkeep scanned their face, and then grumbled, "I see you've worked out your differences."

"Yes," nodded Xelloss, grinning. "They were not insurmountable after all."

"Love conquers all, they say," the man returned with a wry smile. "Can I get you anything? Drink, snacks?"

"Yes, both. Peanuts and crackers and whatever else you can dig up. We missed dinner."

Zelgadiss was about to order a beer, then remembered his stomach was pretty empty.

"Just water."

"Hmm."

The bartender stacked several heaping baskets of assorted snacks on the counter, and then produced a couple glasses.

"Orange juice has vitamins."

"Okay." Xelloss agreed to drink the same beverage, too excited to care what he was served.

Zelgadiss grasped his hands, stopping him before he started to mess with his hair.

"Relax."

But Xelloss was irrepressible. In an instant, Zelgadiss felt Xelloss slip out of his hold and reach out, seizing his head and dragging him in for a very, deep kiss. He knew they were the center of attention; he had noticed the eyes on them from the moment they had stepped inside the bar, but now Xelloss was putting on a show. There was no way to back out of this relationship now, even if he had wanted to, which Zel didn't.

It felt so good. His world contracted to consist of strong fingers in his hair, yielding lips upon his, and the soft downy facial hair of a man without a beard, forever young like Peter Pan. Xelloss– just like he had imagined– and yet he was real. He could feel the physical reality of Xelloss. Xelloss was really there holding him and kissing him. What would happen to them when the dream ended?

The barkeep cleared his throat as he placed the drinks on the bar.

"Hope your friend there doesn't mind being scandalized, Xelloss, because you've just been photographed by at least a dozen cell phones. Now settle down and eat up. Oh, and since it's the next day, happy birthday, Xelloss."

Zelgadiss broke the kiss.

"It's your birthday?"

"Yeah, and you're the best gift I could ever ask for," Xelloss said, smiling.

"I'll bet," Zel replied, secretly pleased. "Which one? How old are you?"

"Twenty-one. And it's a good thing you're eighteen or I could be prosecuted for what I'm thinking of doing to you."

Blood flushed Zelgadiss' face. More than anything, he wished he could sink into the wood work and disappear. Xelloss had spoken in a low voice. Probably no one else had heard what he'd said, but still, it embarrassed him.

"Shall we get out of this noisy place and go upstairs?" Xelloss asked.

A sudden thought occurred to Zelgadiss.

"Yes, but how about we go to my place instead? It's quieter."

"And more private, I'm sure. Yeah, that would be great. You know, I've never been inside your house."

Xelloss moved to run a hand through his hair, but this time Zelgadiss caught it up and interwove his fingers between Xelloss'. It felt very strange to be holding hands with another guy. It feltclose, linking them together in an unmistakable expression of affection.

"Maybe I'll get lucky!" Xelloss added with a laugh.

Zelgadiss punched him not too lightly, grousing, "Enough. Come on, before I change my mind."

"Okay," Xelloss said without apology, then added for drama, "take me, I'm yours!"

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Seven 


	8. Chapter 8

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Eight -- Crime of the Century**

* * *

Xelloss didn't even get a tour of Zel's place before they stumbled into the bedroom, tearing at clothes, and tumbling onto the mattress, groping and kissing feverishly. A mad whirl of pleasure took over, encircling the pair in uncontrolled chaos and sexual excitement. Still, Zelgadiss' strict, ascetic upbringing barred him from falling completely under the other man's spell and giving over to all of Xelloss' desires. 

Hours passed before Xelloss had Zelgadiss convinced that his mouth could be far for stimulating for sex than just hands– or maybe it just seemed to take that long to an over-zealous Xelloss. Zel was squeamish, he didn't feel clean, and he had had a lifetime of "it's dirty" lessons to traumatize him against experimentation. Xelloss thought for a moment to point out that STD's should be of higher concern, but didn't because he was afraid the guy would turn him out on the floor. Also, he was disease-free and suspected Zelgadiss was virginally clean, so it wasn't pertinent.

"There is no need for you to continue practicing self-denial."

"I'm not a... prude," Zelgadiss insisted, knowing that was just what he was.

"Then let me go crazy and enjoy this."

Xelloss ignored the fingers tightening in his hair, preventing his head to reach its goal, and stretched his tongue to its fullest.

"Enjoy–? Oh!"

Zelgadiss gave up the fight under Xelloss' persistent and wonderful ministrations. He could only return the favor using his hands. As wonderful as it felt to have it done to him, it was still too disgusting to his way of thinking to put his mouth "down there." The experience left Xelloss feeling mildly disappointed, but he knew Zel would eventually come around. Rezo's brainwashing couldn't be undone in a single night, it seemed.

Zelgadiss did turn out to be very affectionate, however, loving to be held and kissed, so much so that Xelloss was surprised by it. He thoroughly enjoyed the adoring attention. Zel was also curious, wanting to examine Xelloss and watch him respond to his caresses. Sometimes this nearly clinical interest frustrated Xelloss.

"It's just so dark and perfect," Zel said, admiring Xelloss' privates.

Xelloss moaned. "Don't be a prick tease."

"See how it curves slightly to the left? Mine's straight."

"Please!"

Xelloss writhed, clutching the sheets, nearly tearing them, trying to get some friction on his erection. Luckily, Zelgadiss was just fascinated and not sadistic. He was having fun he never believed was possible. He was also awfully good with his hands, applying pressure, squeezing, caressing until Xelloss screamed with pleasure at his release.

It wasn't what Xelloss had imagined lying with Zelgadiss would be like– nothing like he had imagined it. After the new band had formed, Zelgadiss hadn't given him a clue. He had closeted his urges for weeks, and now he was holding him. It certainly wasn't what Xelloss had hoped for on his birthday, and yet so much more. He was lying with The One, in his arms, being loved, worshiped even, and they would have time, later, for more. No hurry.

They dosed off and on until near-dawn, when they finally fell deeply asleep entwined in each other and the sheets. It wasn't until late afternoon that hunger drove them out of bed, again sharing clothes, and out the door to locate a suitable eating establishment. Zelgadiss' building was in an entirely residential neighborhood, so they would have to drive a ways to eat.

(o)

"Okay, Miss Lina. I know just the place to take you for lunch."

Amelia had her driver's license for little over a month and didn't know her way around town well. She did remember a restaurant Zelgadiss had taken her to twice before– if only she could find it now. She was delighted when she spotted the sign just as a parking space opened up.

"This is great, isn't it?"

"Yeah, looks fine," Lina said, sighing as she collapsed into a booth at the back, stowing her crutches at the side. "I can't wait to get this cast off tomorrow."

Catching the attention of a waitress took her no time and soon the two girls were sinking their teeth into juicy hamburgers. They demolished two giant baskets of fries and reordered, adding a pair of milkshakes a slice each of apple and cherry pie. Lina was just sitting back, patting her full belly with satisfaction, when Amelia straightened up. She had a partial view of the door and recognized both Xelloss and Zelgadiss entering the restaurant. Her first instinct was to jump up and call out to her friends, and she nearly did, but something in their manner stopped her. Wasn't Zelgadiss wearing one of Xelloss' shirts? Those were certainly Zelgadiss' leather pants Xelloss was squeezed into!

"What is it?" Lina asked her, trying to twist around and see around the back of the booth.

"N-nothing," Amelia began, but knowing that she was a terrible liar, added, "much. Looks like Mr. Xelloss and Mr. Zelgadiss. But let's not bother them."

Amelia couldn't help but watch; she'd never seen Zelgadiss look so relaxed and smile so genuinely. His behavior was uncharacteristic, but hardly notable until she saw Xelloss surreptitiously slip his hand under the table, partially masked by the long tablecloth, and reach for Zelgadiss', and then watched Zelgadiss blush and gently press the fingers around Xelloss' hand in return.

Could it be possible? Was her boyfriend gay? She was burningly jealous. Zelgadiss hadn't looked that way when he'd been with her, she was sure. She had imagined Filia had been wrong, accusing Xelloss of lusting after Zelgadiss, but there is was, clear on both their faces– the attraction was mutual. The agony of watching Zelgadiss infatuated with Xelloss, of knowing that the man she loved preferred, in fact, _adored_ someone else was intolerable.

"Amelia! What's wrong? You're turning purple!' Lina slapped her hand on the table to get her friend's attention.

What could she do? Amelia wanted to run away. She wanted to scream, cry and punch Zel's face in all at once. She could feel her anger and despair building, threaten to explode inside her. Amelia didn't want to make a scene with some kind of an outburst; she was better behaved, in public anyway, than Lina. She restrained herself with difficulty, but the cost of control was holding her breath until she passed out.

"Amelia!" Lina gasped, and scrambled around to her side of the bench seat. "Amelia, what's going on?"

Zelgadiss and Xelloss heard the commotion and recognized their friends at the center of it.

Zelgadiss was first to get up, muttering, "What now?"

Xelloss grabbed his wrist as he stood.

"It's Amelia, Zel. Maybe she saw us."

"Saw us do what? We're just sitting?"

"Oh, Zel," Xelloss smiled slightly, watching his boyfriend race over to his girlfriend.

Zelgadiss decided it was time to talk with Amelia in private.

"I'll drop you off at your house, Lina, and then you and I," he said, looking at Amelia, "can go for a drive."

"Don't worry about me. I'll find my own way home," Xelloss said as a reminder that he still existed.

But Zelgadiss had not forgotten him.

He leaned into him as he passed on his way out, saying, "I know. We have our first band practice. I'll pick you up in time. Just wait back at my place. Here're the keys."

"Okay." Xelloss returned his quick smile, stepping aside for Lina on crutches to get by. "Bye."

(o)

Val sauntered into the bar and took a seat, wearing a cat-who-caught-the-rat smile of supreme satisfaction. He checked the clock on the wall, knowing he had hours to kill before the band would meet for their first practice session. Gourry wasn't around. He had gone out to fill his car with gasoline, now that it was back from repairs. This enabled Gourry to get around on his own the way he was used to, and Val hoped he would include him in his plans.

It was never a sure thing, getting a boyfriend, not like getting a client, which had clear-cut stages and steps he knew like his own face. Having and being a boyfriend meant establishing mutual trust and caring, but Val had never had that in his life. This was Gourry's first taste of homosexual contact. Would he tire of it, reject him, and move on, Val wondered?

Val knew he couldn't change the way other's thought, but he could take advantage of every weakness and turn it to his advantage. He was young in years, but his experiences could have filled a previous life. He didn't know what the future would hold, so he set his intentions on making it the best possible.

The barkeep looked him over, evaluating the young man's intentions and frowned. He was aware of his patron's secret lives and weaknesses, and he liked most of the kids, as he thought of them. He couldn't let their activities threaten his livelihood, however, and so he made his decision to clear the air immediately.

"You staying upstairs, then Valentine?"

"Yes. Gourry has taken me in. I have a home at last."

"A home. That's good, because mine is the only business to be conducted on these premises. You understand?" the barman warned.

The color fled from his face as Val stiffened with anger and shame. He had enough pride to be hurt when his darker lifestyle was revealed by others. Male whores could make a lot of money, but rarely were highly esteemed for their success.

"I'm not doing that no more. I don't need to."

"I'm glad to know that, for your own good. Here's an orange juice, on the house– just to show there are no hard feelings, okay?"

(O)

After dropping Lina at her house, Zelgadiss took the road out of town. He wanted to clear the air with Amelia a quickly as possible, but someplace where they wouldn't be bothered. He could hear her sniffling beside her.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For hurting you this way."

"Who says you hurt me?"

"Okay, then I'm just guessing... from your reaction back there...and you're crying."

"You're such a jerk sometimes, Mr. Zelgadiss! You think you're so special, like the world revolves around you."

"That's...that's absolutely untrue, and you know it!"

He pulled off at a scenic viewpoint, found a parking space, and turned off the engine.

"Now, let's get things straight."

"A funny choice of words," she muttered.

"Things aren't working out between us, this poor excuse for a conversation being an example."

"You just didn't give us a chance!"

He sighed resignedly.

"Possibly. In any case, I think it's best if we just went our own ways."

"You're breaking up with me, and it's all Xelloss' doing. Filia was right all along– he's a bad influence on you. I think you're spending far too much time with him and joining the same band is a very bad idea!"

"I met you when we were in the same band– was that a bad idea?"

"You... you are just being mean now. There's no reason to say such mean things to me!"

"Then keep your opinions to yourself and stop blaming others for your problems. Xelloss has nothing to do with what makes us not work."

"Hasn't he? You couldn't keep your eyes off of him there in the restaurant. And you let him...hold your hand!"

"That's none of your business, Amelia. You wouldn't understand, you never have."

"You wouldn't let me! You never let me close to you or told me anything about yourself. I-I suppose you can talk to him."

"Yes, we have...a lot in common."

"Did you kiss him?"

Zelgadiss turned to stare at her a moment.

"I'm taking you home now. I won't defend myself to you and I have nothing left to say."

He started the car and backed up.

"That means you have! Oh, Mr. Zelgadiss can't you see how wrong that all is? Let me show you a better way; let me put you on the righteous path!"

"If you don't shut up, I'll leave you here."

He jammed the car into drive and roared off, speeding.

Amelia wrapped her arms around herself and bit her lip to keep it from shaking. It was a long, silent ride home, and very uncomfortable for them both. It was Zelgadiss who broke the quiet. He parked outside Amelia's family home and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, and I mean that, Amelia. I, ah, need him– a lot. I mean, it's not as if being a, ah, homosexual is a crime."

Her eyes grew large.

"But it is a crime! Two men co-habiting in false marriage, fornicating– it's against the law!"

"We didn't... we don't... It's not like that!"

He threw up all he defenses as his heart broke in the tight-clenching fist of agonizing sorrow. Xelloss had told him it was natural; it was okay. He had been so happy for once in his life, feeling that with Xelloss' sanction he was alright, that he could fit in, and that someone treasured him the way he was.

"Your great-grandfather was the greatest priest the White Shrine ever had and he helped lay down the laws for the entire city-state of Seyruun. I'm sure your grandfather was taught well. Why not ask him, if you don't believe me? Good bye, Mr. Zelgadiss. It's not too late. You can call me anytime."

Zelgadiss turned off his cell phone. He wanted to be completely alone. Everything was dark, hopeless. He lost all sense of time and was unaware of where he was driving until he found himself sitting in his car back at the viewpoint, tears streaming from his eyes. He couldn't live without Xelloss, or with him, not now, not in violation of the laws of the land. It was proof that everything his grandfather had told him, had tried to drum into him for years, was right. And that Xelloss had lied to him. He wasn't okay. He was a terrible person, hardly human, with no cure for his perverse condition. He could not face Xelloss knowing how sick it was, feeling that wayabout the man; it made him physically ill.

And he had felt so good! It had felt so right with Xelloss! He couldn't go back to life without Xelloss. He couldn't return to the life his grandfather had outlined for him. He just could not. His stomach cramped and his head spun. He was glad he was sitting, as he leaned his back on the seat and closed his eyes.

Make it all go away. I just want to sleep and make my world go away. And never wake up. Ever.

(o)

"Hello?"

Xelloss answered his cell phone, anxious to hear from Zelgadiss who hadn't come by to pick him up, and he was over an hour overdue.

"Hey," said Gourry. "Um, we scheduled a practice, right?"

"Yes, Zelgadiss is late. He and I ran into Lina and Amelia at a restaurant. There was some problem and he took the two girls home. He was going to talk to Amelia and then come get me. He doesn't answer his cell phone, either. I was wondering if he just went on to the studio. Are you there?"

"Yeah, me and Val. He's not home, huh?"

"No, I'm at his place now."

"You last saw him go with Amelia, you say? I'll give her a call and see what I can find out. I'll call you back one way or the other."

Waiting the next few minutes were terrible, but it was going to get even worse. When his cell phone buzzed he jumped.

"What!"

"I got my car fixed yesterday," Gourry said. "I'm going for a drive to see if I can't find out where he is."

"I want to come with you."

Gourry thought a moment, and then said. "I'm on the road now. If I stop by to get you, I'll take me more than half an hour out of my way. I know a couple places he used go when he...ah... wanted to be alone to think, or something. If I don't find him in those places, I'll come get you."

"Call me," Xelloss demanded, hating to be left out. "Each placeyou stop, call me, okay?"

"Okay."

This time the waiting was more terrible than the first, but the worst was yet to come.

"Hello!"

Xelloss' face lost all its color as he listened to what Gourry had to tell him.

"Ahhh, I found him, but Xelloss, he, ah, he's not okay."

"I hear sirens, Gourry!"

"Yeah, the paramedics are just about to go. He was out, like he was sleeping but he wouldn't move, so I called for emergency help. A unit just happened to be coming this way, way out on the highway to Atlas City, so they got here real fast. I called Val and told him to take a cab to Zel's, so he oughta be there any time. I'm gonna follow these guys to the hospital and meet you there, when you can."

"He wasn't moving? What was wrong with him? Was there an accident?"

Gourry remembered handing over the empty pill bottle to the paramedics.

"I don't think so, Xelloss. He may have overdosed on some pills. I found a bottle on the floor of the car."

"Pills?" Xelloss croaked; his voice ragged.

He could hardly concentrate. He was mad with fear and desperate to do something.

"But why? What kind?"

"I gotta go, Xelloss. I don't know much more. I got an idea, but I need to make another call, then, well, we'll talk at the hospital."

"Okay. Oh, I think that's the cab outside."

He didn't think to ask what number to call to reach Gourry as the call ended. He ran out the door and stood on the front steps. It wasn't Val; he didn't come for a few more minutes. When Val arrived, they directed the cab to the hospital for the longest, most terrible wait of all.

That was when Xelloss learned of Zelgadiss' past bouts of depression. It still didn't make sense, however. He had seemed so happy and content. He'd even said so! Why would he then try to kill himself, for that was what the emergency crew leader had told them she thought had happened? Xelloss raked his memory of the past days with Zel for any clue or hint that he might have intended to end his life, but he couldn't come up with anything. He had liked the closeness, the intimacy, and the sex, hadn't he? Xelloss began to question everything. Had he pressed for too much, to soon? He was older, had he forced Zelgadiss beyond his limits? Was he responsible for this? That was a dismal thought, so his mind locked onto it for awhile longer, maximizing his torment.

Val and Gourry sat on either side of him, exchanging worried glances. Xelloss ran his hands alternatively through his hair until it hung in limp strings. He sat motionless staring down at the floor, grieving for himself, Zelgadiss, and for his worthless life so far.

"You Mr. Gabriev? You found the young man named Zelgadiss?"

The three young men were instantly on their feet. Gourry stepped forward.

"Yeah, we're all his friends, best friends. Is he okay?"

"He's a very lucky young man. His prognosis is...good, but guarded. The pill container you found, that was what he took, but he took very few so it must have been nearly empty. You must have found him soon after his swallowed them and the crew got him here very fast-- a very fortunate young man. He is sleeping, but his brain activity is normal, so I think he will wake up shortly. His stomach was pumped so his throat will feel raw and he'll have some temporary discomfort."

Gourry said under his breath, "He was lucky I discovered the dope he'd left in his car before anyone else, too."

The doctor took a deep breath, holding up his hand motioning them to let him continued uninterrupted.

"I called the doctor who gave him the prescription. These were antidepressants, so he may have been attempting to medicate himself and accidentally taken more than he should have. That is a possibility. We can't ignore the other, more disturbing possibility that he may have intended to end his life. And that is where you, his friends come into his future prospects for improvement."

"I-I thought he was really happy when I saw him at lunch," Xelloss said, obviously anguished.

Gourry wondered what had gone on from the time the other two men left his dinner party until that lunch time meeting, but said nothing. Their new band had only been formed for a few weeks, but a lot had happened in his own life. He was waiting for Amelia to show up, which she did at that moment.

Amelia ran into the waiting room, clearly distressed.

"Where is he? Is he all right? What happened? I'm his girlfriend and I demand to know."

The doctor explained what he'd said already, then stood back and listened to the discussion, interested in their interactions and learning as much as he could about the different facets of the damaged young man clinging to a life he had nearly tossed away. He had to separate them at one point when it appeared Xelloss and Amelia might come to blows. There was a clear rivalry and what he thought was the crux of Zelgadiss' problems.

"Okay, kids, let me see if I can summarize what I've been hearing. Zelgadiss has lived with his grandfather for as long as you know, after the death or his abandonment by his parents."

"His mother died in an accident and his father died of grief shortly after," Amelia supplied.

The doctor grunted but didn't disagree. She was just a child in his eyes. The truth had been hidden from her from her parents, and he wasn't to be the one to enlighten her, not here, not now.

"He had a very strict upbringing, as one would expect coming from the household of the Great Red Priest's son. He had homosexual tendencies which were punished by his grandfather, rather severely."

"He _was_ and _is_ gay and made to suffer for it," Xelloss wished to clarify.

"After leaving his grandfather's home, he gained medical help for his frequent bouts of depression, which may or may not have to do with all the aforementioned conditions. For the past year he's had only the one relationship with you, Miss Amelia–"

"With no romance, I can vouch for that," Val cut in.

"That's not... entirely true!" she said defensively.

"And most recently a homosexual encounter with Xelloss, here-"

"It was more than an _'encounter'_. He told me he'd never been happier than when he could be himself with me," Xelloss said angrily.

"But it's wrong!" Amelia asserted. "I told him so. He didn't think he was committing a crime not only against the rules of the White Shrine, but of the state!"

"Crime?" Val growled.

"Where the hell did you get that idea?" Xelloss spat out, harnessing his desire to strangle her with great difficulty.

"Isn't it?"

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Eight 


	9. Chapter 9

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Nine -- The Band Gets a Name **

* * *

Val growled low and bared his teeth, looking as if he were about to snap off Amelia's head. As a proactive measure, Gourry wedged himself into his path; however, this opened a direct route for Xelloss. When it appeared that Xelloss was scarcely better at harnessing his own desire to strangle the poor girl, Gourry seemed uncertain what to do. Should he step in and stop Xelloss from blowing up at Amelia, giving Val an opening, or just let him have his way? In the end, he just shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

It would have been comical, if the situation had not been so serious. At last, the doctor asserted himself, containing the passions and bringing the matter to a close. He had learned enough; it was time to wake up his patient and see if he would talk.

The doctor cleared his throat, then said, "Miss Amelia, I'm afraid you have been incorrectly informed. Let me bring you up to date. A very few years ago the anti-gay laws were repealed. They were only localized to Seyruun proper anyway, being the center of the White Shrine influence. Mr. Zelgadiss has the right to explore all his possibilities without fear of punishment, miss, and its clear to me that this has caused him considerable distress. I shall go see him now, and if he wishes to see any of you I'll call you in. Thank you for your candor. It can only help him."

"Please, doctor," Amelia said, stopping him in his tracks. "Tell him... tell him, if he's awake, please, tell him I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I'll try," he said, then departed.

The three young men and one young lady stood in silence, thinking over their roles in Zel's life and what they could have done to help him. They would certainly all have important parts to play in his recovery. First, however, laying a little more blame was in order.

"You are so conceited and self-centered," Amelia said. "You think only of yourself and what you want!"

Xelloss slowly opened his dark eyes; framed by his glossy hair and shadowed by his long bangs, it lent a dangerous edge to his appearance.

"And you _imagine_ him to be what you want, and don't see what he really is. Can't you see what happens when he knows he can't conform? Just go. Cut your losses."

"He needs me. I'll help him find the right path and stay on it."

"What's the matter? Can't you accept him the way he is? Do you want to change Zelgadiss into something he isn't?"

"No, no I don't. Of course not...I..."

She stopped. She did not know what she meant.

"No one gets everything," Xelloss said softly. "If what you care for in him is that part which clings to his own values, then you have to accept all that goes with it. It is time to weigh what exactly life with him would mean if you know he's suppressing his true nature and desires, and then decide if that is what you really want."

For a few moments neither said anything. Xelloss watched and waited for Amelia to come to makeup her mind. At last she drew a deep breath and let it out, shuddering with nervous energy.

"There is no decision for me, really. Zelgadiss doesn't even look at me in that way, not like he was looking at you. To be honest, he-he broke up with me today."

"That must have been hard."

"Yes, it was, but much harder to admit to you."

She sighed again.

"Apparently he is the opposite of everything I cherish. Perhaps that was what attracted me to him? Not reality at all, but simply an enchantment with the idea of being different."

The doctor reappeared, announcing, "He's awake now and is asking for you, Xelloss. And while he's gone, I'll tell the rest of you the good news."

As Xelloss passed, the doctor motioned him closer, and then said in a low voice, "He's very embarrassed by this whole incident."

"I'll be nice," Xelloss said, then moved quickly to Zel's door.

(o)

Zelgadiss was lying in the sterile-looking hospital bed, when Xelloss walked in, dark haired and dark eyed, with a face full of humor and undisciplined imagination, although at the moment his expression was concerned. Guilt washed over Zel. He had brought this misery on them both.

"Hey, love."

A gush of warmth filled his chest. Xelloss still cared!

Zel tried to greet him, but could only manage a raspy croak, "Hey."

"Let me pour you some water. How are you doing?"

"Better."

Zelgadiss sipped at the stale water, which tasted of plastic hospital pitcher.

"Zel, why—?"

"Better still. Sit down, here."

Zelgadiss set the cup aside and patted the edge of his hospital bed.

"Listen, I didn't try to kill myself. I just wanted you to know that right off." He was ashamed that his friends should think he could, that he must seem so weak to them. "It was an accident. I was–"

"Depressed. Amelia told us what happened after you left the restaurant, well, she thought she was telling the truth but it wasn't right. It's not a crime to be gay."

"Right. The doctor told me just before you came in. Xelloss, I take the medication every so often, when I feel especially bad. And, yeah, I should have just gone home and talked to you and everything could have been fixed and I would have felt better, but I didn't... I didn't want to appear weak to you. I thought I could take the pills and wait it out, go home feeling okay, or at least good enough."

"So what happened? If it was anything I said, or did...? I wasn't pushing you to hard or anything-- was I? I really--"

"No, stop it Xelloss! It was nothing you did, okay? I guess I was worse off than I thought, and what Amelia told me set it off. Made me doubt myself, my fleeting bout of happiness with you, everything we'd accomplished was blown away. So... I took a couple pills, then I must have forgot and took more, too many. It was a good thing the bottle was mostly empty to start with."

"It was a good thing you went someplace Gourry expected you to and that he had his car and that you got medical help as fast as you did. Why didn't you call me? Why did you shut off your cell phone? Dammit, Zel, I came so close to losing you, and we'd only just begun!"

Zelgadiss looked away. He couldn't bear seeing Xelloss' eyes brimming with tears, knowing he'd hurt him.

"I know."

He felt Xelloss' weight shift and a cool hand touching his own.

"Don't blame yourself. We're in this together now and it won't happen again. Things are going to get better, I promise."

"And when the band doesn't get jobs because our fans reject us because we are... are–?"

"Gay? Lovers? If that happens, and I don't think it will, then we'll do something else. We're young and talented."

Xelloss leaned over, brushing his lips over Zel's, and then he said, "And I love you."

"You...what?"

Zelgadiss couldn't believe he'd heard Xelloss correctly. Had he said 'I'd love to?'

"_Love_ you. Can't you tell? I saved myself for the one special guy I wanted to share my life with, and it's you. And even if you're not ready for what I can give you, I can't help it. That's how I feel. Sure, I want to make wild, passionate love to you, but I want to just share the ordinary times too, and the hard ones. I've had my taste of stardom, and frankly, it's not so hot. I can take it or leave it."

"It's important to _me_," Zelgadiss said, his voice cracking. "I say that at the expense of sounding shallow. I don't want to lose that status I've worked hard for, but I don't want to hide us. I am done with pretending I'm something I'm not. I want to be accepted the way I am."

"So do I and I'll bet Val feels the same way. I think we can pull it off, but Zel, I won't lie to you and say I can guarantee things like the fan base sticking with us, I can't and I won't," Xelloss said.

"I know that," Zelgadiss said, looking past Xelloss, staring into space. "I know, I just wish otherwise. You seem so all-powerful sometimes. Every band you've played in has been a success. You seem able to skirt the issue of being gay and get more popular all the time. You must have a magical publicist."

As the admiration crept into his voice, he noticed Xelloss on his feet and backing off until he was up against a wall. Zel stopped talking and studied his friend's face. His eyes were pinched, hurt. What had he said wrong?

"But do you love me?" Xelloss repeated, "_Me_?"

Zel realized then that he'd been talking about one thing while avoiding the central issue. He loved to look at Xelloss, to touch him, to know who he was and that he was loved in return. But, did he know Xelloss, the real man enough to love that man? Zel wanted to say 'yes,' but he didn't know. He screwed up his remaining courage and faced Xelloss.

"I think I do," he muttered, "but I don't really know you that well. I haven't been in love before, so I have nothing to compare it to. I can't imagine feeling the way I do for anyone else, that's for sure. No one, absolutely no one has ever been so close to me."

Xelloss' face fell.

"Oh."

There was no way Xelloss could mask his disappointment at the news. It wasn't a rejection, but it wasn't the passionate declaration he was expecting, Zel knew from his reaction. More than anything, he wanted to tell Xelloss he was in love with more than his image, but he wasn't sure and he wouldn't lie.

"Sorry," Zelgadiss said.

They remained fixed in place: Zelgadiss on his bed, Xelloss standing a few feet away, way, eyes locked, battling their emotions in silence a few moments.

"That's okay." Xelloss said at last.

He moved close, reaching out to stroke Zel's face, gently re-arranging some of his wiry hair.

"I appreciate your honesty. You do need more time to get past this infatuation you've got for that Xelloss-guy on stage. I can't say that thrills me, but I'm much happier knowing you trust my affections are strong enough to take the truth."

"Honesty is very important to me, Xelloss. I've been lied to all my life by people trying to manipulate me, so trusting you is a big deal for me at this point. There is no one I do trust more than you, I guess."

"Oh, I think you trust Gourry more, but that's okay for now. You've known him longer, and, hell, I trust him quite a bit myself! I can see I have my work cut out for me, earning your love. I think I'll start with introducing you to my publicist, who is, by the way, more than magical, she's my mother."

"Your mother? You want me to meet your mother?"

"Oh, and she's also the owner of our recording company--"

"Your mother is Zelas Metallium!" Of, course, they had the same last names, but it had never, ever occurred to Zel that Xelloss might be related.

"Shhhh..." Xelloss said, touching a finger to Zel's lips. "That really is a secret."

"Zelas. And she had you spying on Phibrizzo? And now he's ruined--"

Xelloss cut in, "And so is Gaav, and I had nothing to do with that whatsoever!"

Zelgadiss wasn't so sure he wasn't at least indirectly involved, technically speaking, but his mind flitted on to other mysterious circumstances in the trade.

"And so is my grandfather's business, which leaves your mother in charge of Beastmaster Enterprises and all the important recording contracts in the city-state of Seyruun now or soon, anyway."

"My, you are quick to see all that, but I can assure you, I was not involved with either Rezo or Gaav, not on purpose, and certainly not– as I can see where your mind is heading, so stop that right now, Zel– through you at all. With you it was love at first sight. Simple as that. No devious missions, understand?"

"Love at first sight?" Zel said, unable to stop the sudden flush of blood to his face.

"Oh yeah. You are so cool. And sexy. It makes me hot, Zel."

That was a come-on he couldn't miss. Zelgadiss reached up and pulled Xelloss down for a kiss. His throat was dry and ragged from the stomach pumping, but he couldn't resist the lure of Xelloss.

Xelloss tugged on Zel's hand. "Let's go home."

"Whose home?"

"Take your pick as long as we go together a-a-and... I get to take a shower and change clothes."

Xelloss made a face as he sniffed at his shirt.

"Deal."

Greeting Amelia and the boys just outside the hospital's lobby were reporters and fans. Xelloss stepped past the door, shielding Zelgadiss with an arm. He stopped after a few feet to face the crowd, Gourry, Amelia, and Val to his left and slightly in front, Zelgadiss on his right. Xelloss turned to Val, who was frowning, making agitated noises and shooting covetous looks over at Gourry. Gourry was grinning and waving shyly by a bevy of drooling fan girls.

"Smile, Val. I'll introduce you so you can start acquiring your own groupies."

Val shot him a moody look, and grumbled, "I'm not envious."

"I didn't think you were."

Xelloss thought a moment. Okay, so on second thought, may be was jealous of the girls and not Gourry. Maybe Val was denying what he really felt. Val's unusual golden eyes were currently drilling into the side of Gourry's head. Could it be something real going on between them? Gourry was big, strong-looking like Gaav, Val's type. He suspected a sexual encounter the night of the non-excitant dinner party, but could Val's feelings run deeper for his roommate? Val certainly appeared resentful of the fans' intrusion and jealous of the smiles and attention they were receiving from Gourry.

Xelloss leaned into Val and whispered, "You know it's stupid to expect anything else from a hetero man?"

"What?" Val asked.

"You of all people know that miracles never happen and true love is a myth."

"Oh, yeah? Look at you– you don't believe that, do you?" Val asked, smiling, but it looked more like a sneer.

Xelloss' eyes slid to check on Zel, finding that he'd lost Zelgadiss to a knot of girls, and a press agent from the local paper was closing in fast. He was going to have to get this broken up and Zel home quickly.

"Not anymore, if ever. I believe in magic, too, so don't listen to me. Still, hard isn't it?"

"What is?" Val asked with irritation in his voice.

"Us, you and me, watching them."

Xelloss turned his attention to the reporters, glued on his complacent smile, and waved his arms.

"I have a statement, if you're interested."

The press was very interested and all the attention was focused on him instantly.

"As you've heard, the Slayers band is no more. Amelia here is part of a new band with Lina..."

"And Miss Filia and a new member Miss Sylphiel!" Amelia added, cheerfully.

"Right. Gourry, Zelgadiss, and I have formed a band of our own, with our new man, Val here on the keyboards. Take a bow, man. Right. What was that? Yeah, naturally he's a terrific musician; he's with us! If you hang around a barbershop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut."

A murmur of chuckles circulated the group, as one lady stepped forward, asking, "We understand Mr. Zelgadiss tried to commit suicide. Would you like to comment on that?"

Xelloss pretended to hold a monocle to his eye as he examined Zelgadiss from head to toe.

"He appears to be alive. I would say, then, that he failed."

The crowd laughed this time, and he waited a moment before saying, "No, actually, this was all a performance so we could make our band announcement."

And they believed him. It was the kind of publicity stunt he had pulled in his prior bands. Xelloss was rewarded with a faint smile from Zelgadiss.

"So tell us, Zelgadiss, what's this band's name since you've got us all here?" asked another press agent.

Zelgadiss, seeing that he was expected to address he group, cleared his still-sore throat. "Ah– "

But they hadn't thought of a name. They were just a bunch of guys in a band, an all-boy band.

"We're just an all-boy band."

There was a babbling of what he said around the small circle, and out of it they determined that he meant the band's name was "Boy Band."

Xelloss heard a sigh of admiration, perhaps of longing, at his elbow. He looked down to find one young man apparently intoxicated by Zelgadiss. His fair face was brightly flushed and he leaned forward as if by being in such close proximity he could absorb some of his life force. It was definitely time to head out.

"Xelloss," a reporter began, blocking his retreat. "In your last interview for the Atlas Music Magazine, you gave your date of birth as... well, it says here the year 985. That would make you 1021 years old, which is hard to believe. Would you like to correct that date at this time?"

Xelloss wasn't fond of being interviewed. He knew his personal story wasn't going to satisfy the press' prurient tastes, unless he revealed secrets he wouldn't dare, so he told a different story each time. When someone pointed out that that wasn't what he had said the last time, he would become evasive, and did. This time, he shrugged expressively, lifting his shoulders high and tuning out his hands, palms upwards.

"Really? Oh, but that's so dull! I've thought of a much better one– 1896. Okay? Now, we must clear this entrance for the paying customers, so thank you and good night, everyone!"

No one ever knew where they were with him.

Exception, possibly, Gourry.

"Xelloss?" Gourry said.

"Yeah?"

"I'll be taking Zel home, I think. He shouldn't drive or be alone tonight."

Before Xelloss could argue, he added, "Or be with you. He needs to sleep, undisturbed."

"But–"

"Take Val back on the bus or cab for me. I'll get Zel's car tomorrow out on the highway before practice."

And with that said, Gourry shouldered his way past the others, leading Zelgadiss by a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Oh?"

Xelloss stood staring after them as if he'd been slapped in the face.

"Come on," Val bumped him, "I'll buy you a drink."

(O)

It turned out to be several drinks. The usual bartender was taking a few days off, leaving his younger brother in charge. He worked the place a couple days a week, more over time, so he knew the ropes and the customers. Val, he hadn't met yet.

"Hey, I didn't give my bud here a birthday sendoff, so set him up with his favorite to start," Val said, placing their orders. "I'll have the same."

"I just let him do that, you know?" Xelloss said. "I let my boyfriend just go, be consoled, by Gourry. It should be me, you know? Right?"

"Naw, ya did right, Xel. Zelgadiss probably conked out before they left the parking lot. Gourry knows where he lives. Bet you couldn't find his house, huh?"

No, he couldn't.

"You even know how to drive?"

"Yes, Val, I can drive. I even had a car, until I wrecked it."

"Yeah? What kind?"

"Austin Healy. Met a light post and it won."

"Sweet car. Sucks not having a car, huh?"

"Haven't missed it, actually. That one in particular was in the shop half the time. I never go anyplace anyway."

Xelloss finished his drink and Val signaled the bartender to refresh them both.

"You get hurt?" Val asked.

Xelloss looked at him incredulously.

"You didn't see the paper a couple years ago? It was all over the front pages, the accident, my bloody body."

He pushed up his bangs, revealing a nasty jagged scar running from an eyebrow into his hairline, and said, "Nearly scalped."

Val made a face. They both tossed back their drinks and started on the next round. They were feeling a nice buzz, which thrummed in time to the music. Xelloss surprised Val when he asked if he wanted to dance. The dance space was small and crowded, but Val agreed. Dancing, though, works up a thirst and so they were back at the bar before too long, having another round of drinks. When the bar closed, Val and Xelloss stumbled upstairs, Xelloss leaning heavily on Val.

"You know, I don't wanna be alone tonight either. Come inside," Val muttered, guiding the other young man down the hall and into his apartment. "Gourry's with your guy, so you shouldn't be alone either. Come in here. I'll take care of you."

Xelloss mumbled nonsense and let his friend pull off his clothes and haul him into bed beside him. Xelloss woke up, his head pulsing with the alarm. He reached out to shut it down, when he realized it wasn't his alarm clock, it wasn't even his bed in his apartment.

"Phone?" he croaked, struggling to sit up. Then he spotted Val's naked torso till partially wrapped in bandages. "Aaaaah!"

He flew out off the bed, catching his foot in the duvet cover and dragging it and himself to flop on the floor. At least there he encountered his pants and his beeping cell phone in the pocket.

"Hello?"

"Are you still in bed?"

"Zelgadiss!"

"Yeah... Listen, Gourry's on his way over to take a shower and get Val. I'm doing the same and I'll be by to get you and we can go eat before practice."

Many thoughts crystallized in Xelloss' head simultaneously, none of them very forward-thinking.

"Your car–?"

"We already got it this morning. And I'm feeling fine this morning, but I'm hungry. So... are you up for lunch in a bit?"

"Gourry is–?"

"He left a little while ago. He ought to be there soon."

Xelloss scrambled to his feet, using the edge of the bed for support.

"Okay, I'll get showered, too. I'm, ah... I stayed over with Val. Company, you know?"

"Yeah, Gourry told me he'd told Val to see you got home and some sleep, too. Okay, then, I'll see you in forty minutes or so. Bye."

"Okay, bye."

Xelloss stood and picked up the object beneath his hand. It was a condom package– open and empty.

"ACK! Val! Get up! Hurry! What did you do with my clothes! Val! Gourry'll be here any minute!"

Val moved far too slowly for Xelloss, but he located Xelloss' underwear, shirt, and one sock. As Xelloss yanked on his pants, Val left the room. Xelloss' head was a muddled, chaotic mess of worries. What had he done? What had happened? He couldn't remember anything. He had let the hospital with Val and come home. No, not home, to the bar. He had had a drink, and then... blank. He couldn't fill in the blank, though. What was he doing in bed with Val? He was on his hands and feet, searching under the bed for his other sock.

"Damn it all, I didn't...I didn't..."

Val returned to the room, tossing a blanket at Xelloss.

"Here, leave it on the couch on your way out. Say you crashed there, if it makes you feel better."

"Nothing makes me feel better. Where's my other sock!"

Val bent and picked it up.

"Here. Steady, Xelloss–"

Xelloss snatched the sock out of Val's hand, dashed out to the front room, dropped the blanket, spotted his sweater from days ago, and grabbed that and his shoes at the door just as he heard footfalls outside the door.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Nine 


	10. Chapter 10

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance**

**Chapter Ten -- Coming Out**

* * *

Xelloss let the shower pelt his head and back, hoping he could wash away the night before. He didn't want his budding relationship with Zelgadiss to go down the drain, but if Val opened his big mouth, what could he say?

Xelloss pounded the tile in frustration. What actually had happened? He had too much to drink, of that he was sure, enough to affect his memory. He hadn't done that in a long time. What a time to lose his judgment! He obviously spent the night in Val's bed, but did they have sex? That was the question. The awful, terrible, life-altering question. If they had, then Val would crow about it and Zel would never, ever trust him again. That would be over. Of that, too, he was sure.

He scrubbed his body hard, removing any lingering scent of Val. Think. Think. He took stock of his own body, which he knew pretty well. Val hadn't entered him, or he'd know it. There was no lingering signs or pain. But there was the empty condom packet. Maybe he'd done Val. Shit. He'd been too stressed out by Zel's wake-up phone call and had been seriously lacking in conscious awareness to notice anything like the smell of semen. Gods, he couldn't have cheated on Zelgadiss, not after waiting so long to attract him. Zel would not forgive him, not so soon in their relationship. This was not happening! He pounded on the shower again hoping a little pain might act to jumpstart his brain. There was no way to know. He couldn't recall a thing.

Xelloss shut off the water, deciding to have a talk with Val before he could screw up his life further. He stepped out of the shower, did a cursory job of drying his body, and then left the bathroom drying his hair with the same towel.

"That's nice."

He dropped the towel, his eyes tracing the familiar sounding voice and riveting immediately on the relaxed body stretched upon his mattress.

"Zel!"

"I can see you're glad to see me," Zel said, a smile on his face and his eyes taking in his boyfriend's aroused state.

Xelloss automatically moved to cover his erection, and then paused, recovering from his unnecessary modesty.

"Yes. I missed you. Ah–"

His eyes slid to the door, which he was positive that he had locked. Zelgadiss pulled off his T-shirt and unbuttoned his pants.

"I'm good at locks."

Xelloss smiled as he walked the short distance to his bed.

"Oh, yeah. Lina said you'd picked the lock on Phibrizzo's place. Pretty slick."

Zelgadiss grabbed Xelloss' erection as it came into reach.

"Mine."

Xelloss gasped in surprise at Zelgadiss' bold move. He groaned as his knees gave way and he sank onto the mattress slowly. Zelgadiss released him and wrapped his arms around him instead, drawing his mouth closer for a kiss. This could have played out several ways, but Xelloss' conscience kicked in from the dark and quiet place it usually hid, and a worse case scenario took place.

Xelloss shrank back.

"Stop. I-I have to tell you something."

Zelgadiss let his hands fall to his sides, his expression wary.

"Yeah? You look serious. What's wrong?"

"I don't know what I did last night."

"And?"

"I had a few drinks at the bar. Me and Val. A lot of them."

"That was stupid."

"I was jealous that Gourry took you home."

"Even stupider, but I sense you have more to say here than that."

"Yeah, more of a confession," Xelloss said, shivering as water dripped from his bangs and down his naked chest. "You see, I remember going upstairs and Val telling me he didn't want to be alone and going with him to his apartment and...nothing else until I woke up."

Zel said nothing, but he no longer looked happy. Xelloss felt a cold trickle of water run down his back, but still didn't move to grab a blanket. He needed to suffer.

He ran his fingers through his hair, and said, "I woke up in bed with Val."

Zel's eyes narrowed, a frown forming between them as his mouth curved into a snarl.

"You bastard! You goddamned bastard!" Zel yelled, hopping to his feet and clenching his fists. "Here I was coming over to . . . to . . . it doesn't matter what now. And you slept with him, didn't you?"

"I don't know! I don't remember!"

"I thought you were my boyfriend, Xelloss! I thought that meant something to you! What an idiot I was!"

Both boys started shouting, voices raised, until a pounding at the door sent Xelloss stomping over to answer it. Gourry was there with Val right behind him.

"This is a really bad time. I'll talk to you later," Xelloss said, using the door to shield his still-naked body.

Gourry pushed the door open and entered anyway, dragging Val along by his wrist.

"I know, sorry, but we could hear you out in the hall. I think Val has something to say you need to listen to. Tell them, Val."

Xelloss found a pair of shorts to pull on, then fell cross-legged onto his mattress, glaring at Val.

"Oh gods . . ."

"I don't want to hear it," Zel assured them all.

He already had his pants re-closed and shirt on.

"Yeah, you do. Go on, Val."

Val explained stopping for drinks to get Xelloss to unwind a little, then taking him upstairs.

"You were on the couch, taking off you shoes, ready to pass out, but I didn't want the new couch getting all smelly with your sweaty body, so I took you to my room, where I was gonna make you shower, but you collapsed on my bed. You were dead to the world."

"Tell'em what you told me, Val."

"Oh, yeah, you kept pushing me away saying something like 'hands off. I'm taken,' or something. You get the idea, right?"

"So . . . ? Nothing happened? Is that what you're telling me?" Xelloss asked, his voice full of hope.

"Naw, 'cept I got a pretty good look at'cher when I stripped you," Val grinned and laughed as Xelloss pulled a face. "Nice ass for a skinny little guy."

"What I wanted you to know, Zel," Gourry cut in, "was that Xelloss didn't instigate nothing. He didn't betray you."

Zelgadiss met Gourry's eyes and avoided Val's.

"You know?"

"That you and Xelloss, ah . . . like each other? Yeah, I'm not as stupid as you think," Gourry said, smiling and shaking the hair out of his face. "I may be just the drummer, but I know people. Xelloss, I figured out first, how he felt about you. Val suggested the dinner party and the . . . ah . . . delay idea to see if you two might, ah . . . figure it out for yourselves. Guess you did, but then you ran off and took those pills."

"I OD'd by mistake!"

"Okay, and then Xelloss pretty much said he was your boyfriend. He told the doctor everything, Zel, and that's why Amelia figured to back off. So it's no secret to us."

"And your integrity is intact," Val said to Xelloss still sniggering behind his hand.

"How do you know?" Zelgadiss asked. "You were drunk too."

"No, I wasn't. See, that's an old trick I learned way back. I'd get some guy stinking drunk, while I'd just be having the barman water down my same drink. Then when it was time to put out, the guy would usually pass out or be so far out of it that he couldn't tell what was up. I'd keep his money and he'd never know whether he got some or not."

Xelloss were impressed with his ingenuity.

"You pull that on Gaav, too?"

"Only once, but he could hold his liquor better than anyone I'd ever known. He . . . ah . . . punished me for that and I didn't try it again until last night. Sorry, Xelloss. If I'd thought you'd take it so hard, shit . . . I didn't think you'd go and tell Zel what you didn't even know for sure that you did!"

At last Zelgadiss shot Xelloss a glance, and a weak smile to go with it.

Valgaav added, contrite, "I was gonna tell you, but you ran out and then Gourry came in and I, ah, got distracted. But, hey, things are okay, ya know?"

Xelloss rose to his feet feeling that he'd been forgiven, his eyes locked on only Zelgadiss sensitive to any change in his demeanor.

"I was determined to be completely honest with you, Zel. I could hide anything from everybody, but not you. You told me how important that was to you and I couldn't pretend I was innocent, when I didn't know if I was."

Gourry cleared his throat before saying, "I just got a few things to say to you. If this band's got any future, things have gotta change. Xelloss, you've gotta to stop drinking. You'll be an alcoholic in ten years or less. You know that. And Zel, bud. Never stash your dope in your car. You get pulled over for a minor violation, the cop sees that and you're in for big time trouble. If our band's ever gonna get off the ground, this ain't a good way to start. Oh, and, ah . . . one more thing . . . I did always kinda like you, Zel, but I'd never say anything, knowing how you weren't forthcoming about feelings and all. Didn't want to ruin a good friendship, you know? Then Xelloss came along and by the way you reacted to him and took to Amelia, well, I figured it was a good thing I'd never approached you. Anyway, I don't know if I'd call myself gay or not. I suppose I'm something like that, but I think I like girls, too."

"Let's avoid the labels then, okay?" Xelloss suggested.

He was keeping an eye on Zelgadiss, who was silent following what should have been a revelation following his friend's confession.

"Sure," Zel spoke at last, breaking the tense moment. "What time are we scheduled for the studio today?"

Their arrangement for studio time couldn't be delayed until later, so the foursome agreed to grab a bite on the way and start the day anew. Gourry draped an arm over Val's shoulder.

"Come on," Gourry said into his ear.

"I want to watch them kiss and make up," Val whined.

Gourry gave him a swift kick out the door and mumbled something Xelloss couldn't hear as he closed the door behind them. He would have wondered more about the obvious attachment those two were forming, but at the moment Zelgadiss touched his arm.

"Let's just go."

(O)

By the time they had reached the studio and got down to business, Xelloss had returned to his cheerful self. He was a great bass player whose voice blended well with Zel's, they discovered. Val spent an inordinate amount of time tinkering with the settings on a new keyboard, but the resulting new sounds were staggering.

Zelgadiss was quiet, though; he was still stunned by Gourry's revelation. He had never suspected his friend had harbored any kind of feeling for him beyond the ordinary, and certainly never supposed the guy was ever attracted to him. He didn't know what to say to him.

Zelgadiss watched his longtime friend adjust his drums and try out a few test beats for the new song Zelgadiss had just completed. He wondered what he should say to him as Gourry cast a guileful look from beneath his pale fall of bangs toward the keyboards, and smiled. Suddenly it was painfully apparent that Gourry's interest in Val was not in the least casual. Zelgadiss could recall too many of the idiotic details of his own infatuation with Xelloss to be deceived by his current behavior. He knew just that affectation of indifference, the clenching of the stomach in spite of all one could do, the heart in the throat when his name was mentioned, when he smiled at him, when people spoke of them in the same breath. He burned with embarrassment at the memory, because he knew he himself was still acting that way, feeling that way towards Xelloss, and that excited him.

At last he could take it no longer, and shouted, "Stop!"

"What is it, Zel?" Xelloss asked.

"Gourry, what's going on– really going on?"

Gourry looked a little sheepish.

"Practicing?" Gourry said.

"With you telling me you once were attracted to me? What was with that?"

"Getting things out?"

"Then get it all out," Zelgadiss said. "Let me help you. What's going on with you and Val?"

"Oh. Well, ah . . . Val and I are . . . ah . . . together . . . ah, too," Gourry said, the blood rushing to his face, even turning his part bright pink in contrast to his straw-blond hair.

Xelloss looked as if he were about to say "I told you so!", but Zelgadiss stopped him with a raised hand.

"Fine. I just wanted to know I wasn't crazy thinking something was going on that wasn't. Okay, back to that second retake–"

He may have thought it was really Gourry who was crazy, hooking up with a slut like Val, but he knew how stupid it would be for him to say so, so he kept his thoughts to himself. He and Xelloss could thrash it out later, and that thought warmed him thoroughly, causing a smile to spread across his face. Xelloss. His boyfriend.

"Hey," Xelloss purred in his ear. "I hope that's me you're thinking about, 'cause that look on your face is getting me hot, babe."

Zelgadiss was very pleased. Now that he felt free to be himself, his libido was going into hyper drive, making up for lost time, he supposed. He never wanted Xelloss to stop craving him that way.

"Ah, yeah, well, ah . . . me too."

He looked askance at Xelloss to catch a flash of surprise before he smiled in pleasure. He had been on his way to pick up Xelloss a little early. He had been planning for some intimate contact, before the 'Val revelation' put them off-course. Now, he was uncomfortable trying to cover up and hold back his urges. He checked his watch.

"Damn."

"How much longer?" Xelloss asked, his lips near enough that his warm breath tickled Zel's ear.

"Two hours." Zelgadiss sighed. "Move over there. Further off so I can concentrate."

Xelloss chuckled, but did what he was asked. The chuckle disturbed Zel because he knew that Xelloss knew how desirable he was and how desired _by_ him he was and how anxious he was to get into bed with him and that Xelloss was clearly relishing his discomfort. Well . . . let him. He knew that Xelloss was a live wire, on the playful side, and had to accept that aspect of him, maybe even like it. _Especially_ that facet of Xelloss.

The two hours dragged on for what felt like eternity, but the practice was productive and restorative. They meshed well, incorporating Val's harder edged sound with Zel's 'emotional crisis' music, Gourry's laid-back tunes, and Xelloss' love songs. They were creating their own new sound and having a blast.

Xelloss opened the car door as Zelgadiss settled into the driver's seat. Zelgadiss watched as he slipped into his seat, closed the door, attached his seat belt, and then noticed that Zel hadn't started the car. Zel hadn't attached his seat belt; he hadn't even put the keys into the ignition. Xelloss' eyes opened to meet his.

"What? You're studying me," Xelloss said.

Zelgadiss shook his head and smiled. How could he explain how he felt? That he couldn't take his eyes off him; that he couldn't believe that this amazing man was in love with him, that all he had to do was drive home and he could spend the night in his arms.

"How about Thai?" Xelloss guessed.

"A tie?"

"Food, Zel. I have this overpowering desire to feed you," Xelloss said, smiling, hiding something.

Zel wondered what was in store for him.

"To feed me? Well, it is dinnertime. I suppose we should go shopping or go out, if you want."

"Right. I have you figured out."

"Oh, have you?" Zel asked.

"Yes, if I feed you, or lead you to believe I'm going to feed you or that food will be forthcoming . . . then you'll mate with me."

"Whaa . . . ?"

"So, drive on. Stop at the Tasty Thai Kitchen. I'll hand-feed you nibbles, then we'll go home, your home, where we shall bathe. Each other. And then you will submit to my domineering will, bow down to my demands, and take what you can get." Xelloss paused, cast him an innocent smile, and asked, "Okay?"

"Gods, Xelloss," Zelgadiss muttered, flushing hot and red to his ear tips. "You can be a real asshole–"

"Drive on, Jeeves! I'll buy you dinner and chocolates, if you want. No need to get dressed up, unless that's what you want . . . or I want, since I'm your master today."

Seeing that he wouldn't get Xelloss out of his current mood, Zelgadiss started the car. "Stop treating me like you would a girlfriend, Xelloss."

"If you'd been my girlfriend, Zelgadiss, I would have left out the first steps of that plan and just gone for the goal. As it is, I'm treating you like my boyfriend and romancing you up a bit first. See the difference?"

Zelgadiss drove and didn't answer for a moment.

"What I see is just another persona you put on. Sometime, I'd like to know the real you."

"Maybe this is the real me, ever think of that? I'm a spoiled, horny, rich boy with nothing to do but amuse myself." Xelloss leaned in, rubbing Zel's crotch with his thumb, then said, "And you are the target of all my affection and interest. Aren't you lucky?"

This time Zelgadiss chuckled, before saying, "Well, at least you're being honest. And while you're on that train of thought, you can tell me all about yourself over dinner. Note that the caliber of my performance that follows is based on how I judge that conversation."

And Zel was very pleased by the surprised expression on Xelloss' face, the raised eyebrows and dropped the smug smile, in particular.

"Here we are."

"It's not the Tasty Thai."

Xelloss even sounded disappointed, even though Zel knew he was not.

"No, that would be too public a place."

"But . . . Danaus Drive-in?"

"We'll eat in the car."

Zelgadiss watched the sly smile reappear as Xelloss said, "You are afraid of what I might do."

"I'm not sure how much of all that 'feeding blather' you really meant to carry out and I'm not about to make a scene in a restaurant."

"I see."

They ordered, waited the few minutes for their drinks, burgers, and fries to arrive, while Xelloss counted out his money and Zelgadiss searched the floor for a CD case. A few minutes later, tunes were playing, and Xelloss was waving the first hot, greasy French fry in an alluring manner in front of his boyfriend's nose.

"Are you trying to tempt me with that?" Zel asked.

"Are you . . . tempted? Open up," Xelloss said, and then tapped him on the nose with it. "And no biting."

Zelgadiss smiled and snapped the fry out of his hand.

"There. Satisfied?"

"You mean, '_satisfried_?'"

Xelloss pulled out two more fries and wiggled them like bait as he whispered, "Here, my pretty. Look at what I've got for youuuu."

This time Zelgadiss chewed them slowly, inching up to Xelloss' fingertips, and then sucking in a few inches of the fingers as well. In a moment, his tongue had cleaned the salt off and aroused a moan from his boyfriend. He freed the fingers and turned his attention to his soda.

"Okay, that was subtle."

Xelloss pulled out another fry, put half in his mouth, and leaning forward, offered Zel the other half to share. Zelgadiss met him with a kiss that lingered after the fry had dissolved. Zelgadiss was enjoying his meal more than usual. He could feel the heat from Xelloss chest as his hand caressed it then sought out a firm grip on Xelloss' shoulder. He parted from Xelloss' lips with his heart beating in his throat.

Xelloss blinked once, and then closed his eyes.

"I was born 21 years ago on Wolfpack Island. At least, I assume I was born naturally. I might have been created out of the ether or possibly it was a case of immaculate conception–"

"Xelloss, the truth."

"It was! I never knew my father, saw a picture of him, heard his name, or read it on my birth certificate. It caused me problems in school. Kids teased me. So, when we moved to the mainland I started making up a past, a really fun, exciting past to make up for my unremarkable, lonely one. I'm still doing it. I get older, but I haven't grown up, have I?"

Zelgadiss thought of his Peter Pan comparison again and decided it fit Xelloss in many ways.

"Maybe not, but I'm not going to be your judge, considering my problems. Thanks for telling me. Someday, if you want, I could help you find your father. Zelas knows him and she ought to tell you."

"I don't think so, but when you meet her, you'll understand. What else would you like to know about me?"

"So, what's your favorite color? Food? Music? Place? Who was your first friend?"

"My favorite color? Blue, I guess. Like your eyes. Food... let's see...raw oysters with a squeeze of lemon and a dash of Tabasco sauce. Music? Anything new, that I don't already know. My favorite place is rapidly becoming your condo, since I shouldn't hang out in the bar anymore, right? And my first friend was my cousin Sherra."

"Sherra. Tell me about her."

"We nearly grew up together. Her father would bring her over to stay when my aunt would go on these long archeological digs, leaving him to take care of a little girl."

"Did they both live with you and your mom on the island then?"

"Yes, often, I think. Sherra was two years older, with doesn't sound like much, but girls mature faster than boys and I was a little backward on top of it so I was very impressed by her and all she knew. I didn't even know what entering puberty meant when I did, but she noticed one weekend when she stayed over. It didn't seem wrong to sleep together in the same bed like we'd done hundreds of times before, but that weekend... she showed me hers and looked over mine and showed me what to do with it."

"You mean, you slept with your cousin?"

"Sex, yeah. And that first time wasn't the last. I didn't lust after her, though. It was all about touching and reacting. I just didn't feel excited by girls at all. As if I needed something else to make me different! The few boys I hung out with started noticing girls, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the boys, especially in the shower room after gym. I could cover it all up okay, mostly because I was actually getting some with a girl and knew more about sex than any of them. The problem was...the act couldn't last forever, and when I met a guy I thought I was crazy about one day, well, I went a little crazy and started to, I guess you'd say 'flirt.' He rejected me pretty plainly, but I was so nuts about him I followed him to his house. Unfortunately, he told his older brothers I was bugging him, and so when I showed up, they...kicked my butt bad."

Zelgadiss winced, imagining how awful that would be, then asked, "Were you hurt badly?"

"Bad enough so that we moved off the island. Oh, mom thought it was the physical battering that was my problem, but it was only a part. The boy betrayed my feelings; my heart was broken."

"So your mom knew then– that you liked boys?"

"Yeah, not that she accepted it. She's been trying to cover it up, cover my trail, ever since."

"The martial arts?"

"My idea. I figured that wouldn't be the last time I'd have to fight off fag haters. So, I worked out, dropped out of school, and learned bass– all at the same time. Oh, and I grew out my hair and created a new me again. Funny, I really didn't start putting on muscle until about two years ago. I still don't shave."

"Lucky you," Zel said. "Shaving over zits is nasty."

Zelgadiss loved the way he looked, beauty but with the right male attributes to be masculine. He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he was caught looking Xelloss over.

"Lets finish this meal and go," he said in an attempt to divert Xelloss' attention away from him.

"Let's just go." Xelloss smiled.

"_After_ we eat."

Zelgadiss insisted on eating first, so they finished off their burgers and fries, tossed out the garbage, and left. They drove around back of the bar, where Zel parked.

"Here?" Xelloss asked. He sounded disappointed.

"Yes, it's your place. I thought you'd like to pick up a few clean clothes, check your mail, throw out the rotting food in your refrigerator–"

The place looked neglected and un-lived in.

"I haven't been here for ages, it seems like," Xelloss said as he gathered up his dirty clothes and stuffed them into a basket.

"You don't cook!" Zelgadiss said, his voice floating up from inside the empty refrigerator.

"Astute observation. I also don't clean often or wash."

"You'd make a crappy roommate. Are you bringing all those clothes with you?"

"No, this is my dirty pile, but I could. You have a washing machine?"

"Yes. Okay. Might as well toss in your towels. You are a worse slob than Lina, and that's intended to be an insult."

Xelloss made a face.

"Can we go now?"

"Yeah, sure."

The pair had entered and exited by the back door, avoiding the bar purposefully. Xelloss didn't need to be enticed into drinking or getting sidetracked by friends. Both young men wanted to spend time with each other exclusively, so they avoided the public room and sped away into the night.

Zelgadiss' home looked un-lived in, too, but in an entirely different way.

"Hey, this place is really clean. When did you have time to clean? You couldn't have and I know you and Gourry didn't have a de-contamination party here this morning."

"You're right; we didn't. I hire a cleaning service. They come once a week."

"No kidding? They do laundry too?"

"Bedding, towels and what's ever in the basket, but I do my own during the week, too."

Xelloss dumped out his dirty clothes and started to sort them. Zelgadiss walked by, correcting him.

"That's wool. Send it out for dry cleaning."

"I don't want to do this now, Zel."

"I know, but you will and while one load is going, we can shower. There's plenty of hot water. No, not in that pile. Xelloss, you are doing a really bad job of this. Here."

Zelgadiss made quick work of separating the rest of the clothes into the proper piles.

"Didn't your mother teach you how to take care of yourself?" Zelgadiss chastised him. "How have you made it on your own this long?"

"No, she didn't. She couldn't be bothered. She was always busy working. And I guess there was always some girl trying to impress me who would come over and pick up the place or cook or something. Miwan sometimes, too. Mothering me, you know?"

"Well, I'm not. You can do your own wash. We'll both take a cooking class."

"And work out together. You want to learn Karate, still?" Xelloss asked, following Zel to the small utility room with the 'white' load.

"Yeah, that would be cool. Gourry told me he'd make sure Val'd go too, although I didn't get why he cared at the time. What do you think of that?"

"'That' being what? The two of them?" Xelloss said as he scooped out a cup of detergent and started the machine. "I think Gourry gave you a load of crap. I don't think he ever was 'interested' in you, not that way. I think he said that to make you feel better somehow about 'coming out.' Either that or he's trying to give some basis for his current infatuation with his big Valentine."

"You don't think he likes Val?"

"I think he likes sex and lots of it and Val's ready, willing, and very, very able, whereas Lina was not. Val adores him, I can tell. I see a bad ending, which will hurt the band when the time comes."

"I don't know, Xelloss. Gourry's very loyal and good-hearted. I don't think he has ever used anyone, besides, have you seen the way he looks at Val?"

Xelloss tugged at Zel's shirt.

"How can I? I'm ogling you all the time. Come on. I've done my first chore. I want some play time."

Knowing that Xelloss' serious period had reached its end, Zel held his hand and pulled him gently down the hall to the bathroom.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Ten 


	11. Chapter 11

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance------> _lemon warning _**

**Chapter Eleven -- Agreement**

* * *

"Xelloss," Zelgadiss said, abandoning his efforts, "how does this thing unfasten?"

"Oh, yeah, the tie is complicated," he said as he assisted Zel with the elaborate yellow sash around his waist. "Something new I was trying out."

"It looks cool."

"Yeah, but if my boyfriend can't undress me, then what good is it?"

Xelloss pulled off the matching turtleneck shirt and started unbuttoning Zel's shirt, all the time feeling Zel's eyes traveling over his chest.

"It made we wait and think about what I was doing."

"Undressing me? Does that make you hot, Zel?"

Xelloss knew it did. Of course it did, but saying it aloud was even more arousing. Sex talk, however, was not Zel's forte. Xelloss could tell the guy was deeply embarrassed about his needs and expressing them. This didn't bother him much. It just meant he would be taking charge this time, which was what he'd promised, and wanted. He took his time unhooking Zel's jeans, dragging a finger around the waistband until he found the boxers so he could push them both off simultaneously.

"Your ass is mine," Xelloss mumbled. It was just a saying; it wasn't his yet; their sex had been tame so far.

Zel yipped and broke free, leaving his pants on the floor and Xelloss to finish getting undressed. Xelloss dispatched with his clothes in a second or less, then stood naked at the shower, watching Zel adjust the temperature, while deciding how he was going to approach his task. Slow, put him at ease, then attack.

"Is it too cold?" Zelgadiss asked.

Xelloss stepped in, shivering.

"Yes, I like it hotter. Let me warm up a little then you can turn it down if you want. Here's the soap. You can start on my front, okay?"

He could feel Zel gain courage as he worked up the lather over his chest then move tentatively under his arms, over his shoulders, and to his hands. He moaned encouragement as he progressed, and it worked. Zel started his left leg, dropping onto one knee to the floor of the shower. Xelloss chuckled when he tickled his foot, before moving to the other foot and working his way up. Xelloss felt him pause a moment, but stuck to his decision not to push, to let Zel do what he wanted in his own time– for the moment. Instead, he started shampooing his hair, ignoring Zel's indecisiveness deliberately.

Warm gentle bubbles and strong fingers enveloped his body in a moment of sheer pleasure. He moved his feet apart allowing Zel better access, but otherwise remained still, enjoying the sensations. The water spray made too much noise for them to talk; all communication had to be done by touch or expression, and Xelloss made sure his face said it all. Rapture.

When he couldn't take any more teasing, as incredible as it felt, Xelloss turned, facing the jetting water, and rinsed his face while Zel scrubbed his back, but when it came to washing his rear, Zel stopped. Zel would have none of it, and pulled away.

Xelloss pretended not to care. He rinsed off and traded places with the other man. He lathered up some soap on his hands and went to work, retracing the steps Zel had done before, although, before turning him around, Xel pressed their bodies together and let them slide across one another's little hills and valleys. He gently kissed Zel, who returned a spirited kiss. Xelloss was pleased; things were going well. Zel was very responsive, just unsure.

He massaged the tension from Zel's shoulders, moving in small circles, applying pressure where the muscles seemed firm. Xelloss didn't push his luck any further. Before Zel could tell him 'no,' he wrapped him in his arms, kissing his concerns away.

Zelgadiss shut off the water, wrapped himself in a towel, and then proceeded to dry Xelloss with another. Xelloss laughed as Zel tickled him again.

"Yes, I'm very ticklish! Stop!"

When Zel didn't, Xelloss started moving toward the door, the hall, and into Zel's bedroom with his neatly made bed, smelling faintly of lemony-wax. Zel was strong, but Xelloss was stronger and had better leverage. He had Zelgadiss on his back, on the bed, towels in hand in two steps. With a foot his had caught up his pants, held Zel down with one hand and freed the other to fumble in the pant's pockets. Finding what he wanted, he slipped the small container under a pillow. Their kissing deepened; Xelloss moves grew more aggressive. It was like a battle where both opponents knew how it would end, and so, didn't fight very hard.

Their eyes met and Xelloss smiled. "I love you. Trust me."

(O)

Zelgadiss closed his eyes and relented at last. He had never dreamed he would let any guy do this to him, even Xelloss, yet here he was in the most vulnerable position possible. Of course it felt strange, horrible if he thought about it, but if he just relaxed and let the sensations roll over, through, and past him, it was okay. Xelloss had opened up to him earlier, telling him about a past no one else knew. He had trusted him with that information, Zel figured he could trust him not to hurt him now, otherwise he'd never get another chance; Zel promised himself he'd never submit to the indignity again if it hurt. When he chanced a glance up at Xelloss, the man was grinning, inches from his face.

"Your eyelashes are so long; they make your eyes even more spectacular than they already are with that amazing color."

Zelgadiss really didn't mind the praise, knowing Xel meant it, but it didn't make him feel manlier. He frowned. He didn't like being treated like a girl, and Xelloss kept doing that, even though he denied thinking of him that way. Considering the particular circumstances...

"I like your hair and eyes, Zel, but underneath it all is you. It's you, babe."

As Xelloss repositioned himself, easing slowly, entering Zelgadiss carefully. Zel closed his eyes, feeling every centimeter of progress, anticipating pain. When he opened his eyes he discovered Xelloss studying him intently, eyes wide.

"Okay?"

At that moment, he understood more about Xelloss than he ever had before. He really seemed to care about him. Xelloss' arms trembled slightly from the effort of holding his position, fighting the desire to move. The man who had faced rejection as a boy was afraid of it still, and yet he put Zel's feelings before his own. Was this what love was, he wondered?

Zel nodded to Xelloss, and the pressure started again, but before it started to hurt, Xelloss located that wonderful, magical spot and bore down on it. Zel groaned. He understood why men would submit to another this way after trying it once; it was almost too good. Zelgadiss opened his eyes again and found Xelloss' looking into his, entreating him to let him proceed. That was when Zel noticed he was gripping Xelloss so hard by the shoulders that he might even leave bruises. Instantly he let up, moving one hand to touch a hank of that silky, black hair hanging in his face. So soft and cool.

"Go ahead, then."

While he was blissfully carried into oblivion, he could only barely feel the heavy weight of Xelloss on his chest and hear him repeating "I love you, babe" over and over into his ear. He helped Xelloss retrieve the covers and pull them up over their bodies as they eased into comfortable positions. Zelgadiss held his lover close. He wanted to feel his soft hair on his chest again, and Xelloss seemed to like the hard pillow Zel's chest provided.

Xelloss was murmuring kind words, but all Zel could understand was how much he liked this person he had just met under the most intimate of conditions. He had known Xelloss for over a year, and yet only this night had he really seen behind the masks and met the real boy behind man.

Zelgadiss woke up when a laser beam of morning sunlight burned through the gap in his shades, toasting his eyelids unexpectedly. It was winter, not normally the time of the year for sunny mornings, but then sharing his bed with another warm body wasn't the norm either. It was very nice. He was tempted to nudge Xelloss awake just to see his violet-colored eyes blink back all the light, but he knew Xelloss wasn't a morning person.

Damn. Xelloss sure looked good in the morning. Zel wished his hair would fall in a silky curtain the way Xelloss' did. Xelloss' skin was so pale, his eyeballs turned the translucent skin of his eyelids a lavender color, as if he was wearing eye shadow, and it contrasted sharply with his plum lips and dark hair. No man should be so physically beautiful. As the sun beamed onto Xelloss' face he groaned and turned over, burying his face in the pillows.

With the show over, Zel slipped out of bed to relieve himself. He was starving, something else that made this morning unusual, and ran through his mental pantry inventory while washing up. He also noticed how sore his bottom was, acting as a constant reminder of their activities the night before. He hadn't dreamed they would have sex like that, ever, but they had, and he'd been a very willing participant.

He tip-toed back into his room, careful not to awaken his sleeping beauty, pulled on a t-shirt and sweat pants, and then headed into the kitchen. Xelloss wasn't the only one who could feed his mate, he decided. Zelgadiss started some coffee, wondering if Xelloss drank it or preferred tea. Nothing like spending a few days together, living together, to get to know your lover's habits and preferences. He scanned the refrigerator, removed milk, eggs, and butter, cranked up the heat under a pan, and proceeded to mix a batch of pancakes. He poured out batter in two small pools, and while they cooked, opened the front door to his building to retrieve the newspaper. Little bubbles popped on the surface of the cakes, signaling their readiness, so he flipped them over, each perfectly browned around the edges.

He poured a cup of coffee and sipped carefully. Sumatra, freshly ground. Now he felt better. Oops! Pancakes were ready, so he hastily lifted them off the hot pan and onto his plate, buttered them, poured on a little syrup, and settled down to eat. Sex had really worked up his appetite!

He took his time on his second stack, reading the paper, drinking the hot coffee, and then he checked the time. The digital clock on the wall told him in no uncertain terms that is was exactly 10:52. Xelloss had had enough beauty sleep, Zel determined, and poured more batter onto the hot skillet, making neat round circles. A few minutes later he carried a mug of coffee and a glass of juice to the bedside, setting them on the side table. Would he want milk and sugar? Why not be prepared?

On his next trip he carried in a carton of milk, the sugar bowl and a spoon. The pancakes were ready, so he buttered them, drizzled them with syrup, and carried the plateful to the bed, where he sat, bouncing heavily on the edge.

"Hey..."

"Hey, yourself. Sit up. I'll make it worth your while," Zel said.

Xelloss groaned in feigned misery, but forced open his eyes, perking up at the sight of food and Zel's smile. "Just a sec..." He jammed the pillows into the headboard, and scooted into an upright position.

"Eh, eh. No," Zel told him, shaking his head as Xelloss reached for the plate. "I'm feeding you."

Zel nearly melted under Xelloss' warm smile and eager look. He was new at trying to please someone else and unsure if he was doing the right thing, but without saying a word, Xelloss was telling him 'yes!' The sheets were settled around Xelloss hips, exposing his chest, and as he stretched his arms overhead, it was all Zel could do not to pitch the plate and run his hands over that sooth skin.

"Pancakes, lovely. When do we start?' Xelloss asked.

Zel's eyes returned to his face, only to fine him smiling seductively, teasing him, he knew.

"Ah, now, while it's hot, er, they're hot. Tell me how you like them."

It was fun carving off little forkfuls and stuffing them into his lover's mouth. It also gave him the chance to dominate the conversation.

"You know, you're a high maintenance kind of boyfriend to have. You don't cook or generally take care of yourself or your house, your car's wrecked, you haven't a job and your prospects are dim. On top of that, you're rather demanding in other ways."

Xelloss quickly swallowed what was in his mouth before commenting.

"Our band's prospects are actually very good. In fact, you and I ought to pay mother a call today."

"Yeah, like I said: you are demanding. Today, really?"

"You don't mean to coop me up in bed all day with you, do you?" Xelloss asked.

Zel swallowed hard. That sounded like a good idea to him.

"Compared to meeting your mother-- that sounds damned relaxing."

Xelloss laughed, nearly choking and spilling his remaining plateful of food. When he did finally settle down, Zelgadiss passed him his mug. Xelloss sniffed at it then reached for the sugar, scooped far more than necessary, splashed in milk to the top, then failed at stirring it without slopping over an inch or two onto the tabletop. Zelgadiss was quick to sop up the spill with one of the used towels, then sat back to watch his favorite entertainer taste his drink. After testing his concoction and ultimately rejecting it, Xelloss replaced the mug onto the side table and reached for the juice.

"High maintenance, eh? Now why would you think that? Only if you're thinking of asking me to move in with you, I'd say. Are you thinking that? Would you like that?"

Zelgadiss started. He hadn't considered inviting Xelloss to move in. After living under his grandfather's control for most of his life, he liked living alone.

"Oh, my. I can see you weren't going that way at all. Sorry. Hey, I'm not trying to pressure you or anything. Sometimes you're pretty subtle; I jump to conclusions. Sorry."

"But," Zelgadiss reached for Xelloss hand and clasped it. "I like the company. You. Here. With me. I mean, you're right. I hadn't thought of you moving in with me. It wouldn't have occurred to me you'd want to. Your place is cool and I know you like how convenient it is, unlike this place. But... I think I'd like it, the company, and all."

"Especially the 'and all' part, am I right?" Xelloss asked, the mischievous glint returning to his eyes.

He set his glass and plate onto he table and leaned forward, pulling Zelgadiss down on top of him.

"I like the 'and all' part too, especially when it's so convenient," Xelloss growled into his ear.

They both chuckled as they rolled around, trying to pin each one another down, and ending with a lot of kissing. It was decided that they'd go visit 'mom' straight away, then look over Xelloss' apartment. It wouldn't take long to move his few possessions, should they both finally agree to the arrangement. Zelgadiss was not positively sold on it. He didn't want to give up his second bedroom, which was his computer room. That meant Xelloss would have to share all his rooms with none to call his own. Xelloss wasn't so sure that would be a good idea. He was certain Zel would tire of 'too much Xelloss' in no time under those conditions. It was something to think about before making the big move.

(O)

"So, how are you introducing me? Friend, band member?" Zelgadiss asked as the two young men approached Zelas' door on the uppermost story, the penthouse suite of the tallest building in all Seyruun.

Xelloss knocked at he door, then rang the bell. "I'll think of something. Oh, hi, Gracie, mom up?"

"Oh, yes, yes. Come in, Master Xelloss. It has been far too long since I've seen you. And you've brought a friend. Good. Company is good. Go in the kitchen. I'm making tea and I have cake. You like cake?"

Zelgadiss nodded mutely, and then remembered his manners and said, "Yes, thank you."

"Gracie, this is my best friend, my _boyfriend_, Zel-ga-diss," Xelloss said slowly and clearly. "Zel, this is Gracie, my savior and mother to me when I needed one."

Gracie blushed. "Oh, now, I'm just the housekeeper. Nice to meet you Mr. Zel-ga..."

"Just call me Zel, Gracie."

"Zel. Very simple. So, you are _boy_friends? That's a very special friend. I'm a modern woman and can understand. Love is love and all that, but the mistress, well, she will not be so sympathetic. It brought him lots of trouble before, liking some other boy."

"Gracie! Who is there with you?" called a woman's voice, filtering down from an upstairs landing.

"Oh, Mistress, it's Master Xelloss come home to visit."

"Ah, ha, ha," came a flinty laugh. "I'll bet. Send him up."

"Stay here and have some tea," he told Zelgadiss. "She seems to want to meet with me privately."

Xelloss squeezed Zel's arm firmly, which Zel took to mean "do as I say," so he nodded, indicating his compliance. The moment Xelloss was out of the room, Gracie started in. She wasted no time learning everything she could about Zelgadiss' intentions with Xelloss.

"It is no business of mine, of course, but I can see you're a fine young man and must like our master quite a lot to agree to a visit."

"Yes," he said, eyes glued to the teapot as she served him a cup.

"And you've known him a long time, have you?"

"Sorta. We've known each other more than a year, been in the same band."

"So, you're band friends?"

"Well, that too. We only... discovered... that... we... liked... each other... lately."

Zelgadiss told her this with great difficulty, blushing furiously with each word. He finished with a long drag of tea, covering for his embarrassment.

"I think the master must love you, to bring you here. He never brings friends by; you may not know that. He was very hurt. I don't know if he told you."

"He mentioned getting beat up, but that was quite a while ago. High school."

"It was more serious than that. He never was the same happy boy after that."

Zelgadiss raised his eyes to find the housekeeper searching his.

"Do you love him, Mr. Zel?"

He dropped his eyes immediately. He wished Xelloss would come back. He wished he hadn't come. It was a mistake. He felt like a kid in the grown up world who wasn't playing by the rules, but was trying to beat the adults at the adult games.

"You're a bashful young man. Don't worry, I won't tell. I just want to know."

Her candor surprised him into answering honestly.

"I-I'm not sure. I think so. We're thinking of living together."

He didn't know why he just volunteered that information.

"Living together? Two boys can do that, but you mean this is serious. Make sure you know your heart first. He is more fragile inside than he'll ever let on. Weakness like that he hides. If you care for him, don't do anything that will hurt him badly."

Before he could say anything to alter her perception of him further, Xelloss bounced into the room and grasped his hand, sauing, "Business done. Come on into the sunroom and bring your tea."

And for an instant, Zelgadiss smiled, thankful Xelloss was there and grateful for his enthusiasm. But only for an instant. He was suddenly most dreadfully uncomfortable. Nothing could put the joy of life out of his reach faster than uncertainty. He shook off Xelloss' touch, passing on that small comfort. He wanted to be passed off as a friend, a band member, and say hello, and go. Just go. Leave now.

Xelloss leaned over and kissed him lightly.

"I love you, babe. I'll make this quick, okay?"

Zel nodded, let out a sigh to release some tension, and followed Xelloss out at a safe distance. On the way, Zelgadiss prepared himself to meet the executive behind the Wolfpack label– something in a severe black business suit, dark hair parted in the middle and glued into some kind of chignon, not a hair out of place, stiletto heals.

Stepping into the sunroom, he was temporarily blinded by the brilliant sunlight pouring unfiltered through the glass wall of windows. A fountain played out of sight, but his keen ears could make out the water cascading off metal and splashing into a deep bowl. He held up an arm to shade his eyes, and then he saw Xelloss' mother. He wouldn't have guessed their relationship. Aside from the shape of their highly colored lips and their slight stature, there was no resemblance. He studied her from behind the safety of his silver bangs, shadowed by his raised hand, noticing the flowing, wavy blonde hair, tanned limbs, slinky cream-colored dress, gold sandals, and matching gold ankle bracelet. He felt very young and awkward in the presence of this powerful, elegant woman who was absolutely nothing like he had expected.

"Zelgadiss Greywords. I knew we had you on our label, but we've never met. I'm Zelas Metallium."

He automatically reached out and shook her hand, manners having been ground into him.

"Hi," he said.

Her hand tightened on his, claiming dominance instantly. She didn't relinquish her hold either as he tugged to free it, forcing him to look into her face as he stepped back. It was a fleeting glance, then he hunted for the fountain, and found it as reflected light dazzled his eyes.

"Gods, he's another faggotty boy. Xelloss, when will you ever learn?"

Zelgadiss choked on his own inhaled spit.

"Oh, don't bother denying it. I can tell when a lusty young man doesn't notice my cleavage or that I'm braless. Good gods, Xelloss, do you think I'm getting senile in my advancing years?"

Xelloss was about to say something smart, when his mother brushed him aside and stepped right into Zel's face, asking abruptly.

"Are you sleeping with my son?"

Zel's jaw dropped and he choked again on his sharp intake of breath.

"Mother!" Xelloss pushed Zelgadiss a safe distance away. "That was rude, uncalled for, and none of your god damned business! What were you just telling me? That it's too bad I don't share my life with you? I never introduce my friends to you? That I never visit you? Can you see why? I introduce you to my best friend, my first real boyfriend and the first thing out of your mouth insults him and puts him on the defense."

"I was simply curious and being direct."

"No you weren't. You were trying to make him even more uncomfortable than he already was. He must think were monsters. He may be under contract with you, but he doesn't owe you the intimate details of our life. He's my boyfriend and a guest in your house. He deserves some level of respect."

"I see. So, _you_'re doing _him_. I just wanted to know the relationship here. Well, have fun, dear, but do be careful and don't disable our new band when you're through, or are you doing the other two as well? That Valgaav bitch is a real talent, or so dear Gaav told me."

Xelloss looked like a venomous snake about to strike. Zelgadiss had never seen him so angry, and didn't want to find out what would happen when he was pushed too far and lost his temper. He gently rested a hand on his arm.

"Xelloss, forget it. Let's just go. You don't need this; I don't want to hear any more." He met Zelas' eyes for once, saying, "I don't know what you have against me, but I've heard worse, so I'll just forget this all happened. Sorry to disappoint."

He dragged Xelloss backwards.

"At least you have balls, Zelgadiss Greywords. I can say that much for you. Now let's see how you handle being on stage, facing an angry crowd of fans you've let down by your wonderful, perverted love affair."

Zelas turned her back to them, dismissing them both from her house.

"Well, after that, meeting my grandfather should be a cake walk."

"You're kidding me. Tell me, you're joking, Zel."

"Why not? The old man might just have a heart attack."

"And here I thought my biggest problems would be with our friends. Those well-meaning, interfering friends. You know, those smooth operators trying to keep us apart."

"I was more afraid of the jealous backlash from all your admirers," Zel said, cracking a smile. "But I think I could work that into some song lyrics... Smooth operators keeping us apart...Smooth operators tearing at my heart..."

"Ooooh, cool. I'm in on a rare moment in history– creative genius at work!" Xelloss laughed. "But you could use some work on your basic ogling-women's-boobs skills."

Xelloss had intended for this to be a joke, but Zelgadiss was still very sensitive about all manner of manhood issues. He was only just eighteen and gay and had only just stopped seeing that as a curse to be overcome.

"I do so look at girls...breasts."

"Not look, _look_. You know, at least feigning as much interest as you have in men's dicks."

Xelloss was still speaking in a light tone, missing Zel's irritation completely.

"I don't stare at men's... anything."

"You do so. I'll bet you can tell me how long you think Gourry's is and Val's too!"

"I..." But of course he could estimate very closely, and he was proud of that skill as well, so he couldn't deny one thing without shorting the other. "Oh, just shut up about the whole thing."

He walked red-faced past Xelloss and out to his car at a quickened pace. Xelloss had to skip to keep up.

"So, where are we going now?"

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"For a drive someplace?"

"What about moving?" Zelgadiss ventured.

"Travel is always uncertain– moving, more so."

"Then let's do it. I'll move the computer...my other stuff. There's nothing in that room I really care about anyway. I'd much rather it housed you where I can keep an eye on you."

Zelgadiss had made his first impulsive decision, since he'd kissed Xelloss.

Xelloss smiled, recognizing the fact and said, "I get my own room, huh? Cool... I'd like that, but here's a thought. I'll keep my apartment and just bring over some clothes and stuff. That way, if you look back on this as the biggest disaster ever, I have an escape route, okay?"

"You don't think I know what I want, is that it?"

"No, I'm sure you do, at the moment, but you still have some growing up to do, and so do I, I think. In a few weeks we just might feel differently. It should be a mutual need thing, not just my needs or your wants, but our combined dreams made real. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Zel admitted.

It did, but he wished it didn't. He wanted his first rash move to be met with more enthusiasm; however, he was also a little relieved. He would still have Xelloss to sleep with and cook for, and his own room to escape from him.

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Eleven 


	12. Chapter 12

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance **

**Chapter Twelve -- Shattered**

* * *

The Boy Band's first gig would more appropriately be labeled an impromptu session for their buddies at the bar, except that they had taken care deciding on what their play list should be. It provided a good time for all, and aside from a few technical glitches the event was a success. The music flowed; the crowd was enthusiastic and supportive. That they were gay, or mostly so, and performing in a gay bar was one aspect of their popularity. It was some of their own, four gay men, performing just for them, more gay men, songs they could relate to, which were mostly angst-saturated love songs.

Afterwards, the band members congratulated one another and discussed their upcoming gigs while breaking down their equipment. They agreed the night was a promising start for their new band, that they should work in more of Val's hard rockers to expand their appeal, and that they would need fifteen more songs, some covers, to play the local clubs without repeating so much of their material. Limiting themselves to their own compositions would be fine later, when they'd written more.

"We have bookings Thursday through Saturday night this week and something like that for the next three months," Xelloss told them.

"So, we got the first half of each week to grind out a CD? That's tough, but I could use the money," Gourry said as he turned to Val. "If it wasn't for Gaav's estate coming in, and him leaving Val some money, I couldn't have made rent next month; it was that tight."

"But you made money with the Slayers. What happened to all that?" Zel asked.

"Well, Lina hoarded her own money, and we both liked going out to eat," Gourry said with a smile, and then shook his head, thinking of some of his own past indulgences.

"He also didn't get a lucky inheritance," Val added in support of Gourry's penniless condition. "Unlike you...or me...or Mr. Wolfpack over there."

Val nodded toward Xelloss, who was disassembling the microphone setup and didn't hear him, or appeared not to hear him.

Before Zelgadiss had a chance to snap back in defense of Xelloss, Gourry stepped in, assuaging prickly feelings and staunching any escalation of the discussion into an argument.

"Now, that's all right. We all are here and everything's okay even though we all got to this point in different ways. Nothing's equal in the world. It's how we deal with what we're given that counts. Things are going great for us, right? And I know, if ever I needed anything, I could count on any of you."

"That's right; we're good for it, of course. Always there for you," Zel agreed, and then finished winding up his cables.

(O)

It was Thursday night. The boys had invited Lina and her band to their first major performance not only for their support and because of their past close, but complicated, relationships, but also for their advice and critiquing skills. They knew Lina and Amelia, if not Filia and Sylphiel as well, would pick apart the songs and show without sugar-coating it and make concrete recommendations for improvement.

Gourry had not before seen Lina in Val's presence and was suddenly uncomfortable. Val was teasing him, wanting some attention, mostly a kiss and a few words of encouragement, but the moment Lina put in an appearance, Gourry shoved him away and told him to "get lost."

(O)

"Fuck you!" Val growled, wounded, and stumbled back. At the sight of Lina, he straightened his back and marched off stage to find Zelgadiss' stash. He 'knew' his place, always second to somebody, but it was growing more difficult to accept that secondary position with Gourry. He had never known a guy like Gourry and he had fallen in love despite all his intentions to just seduce, blow, and go. Now he was suffering for that. He needed some dope to mask the pain. Where was Zelgadiss?

(O)

Of course, Gourry regretted doing what he had seconds later, but it was too late, Val was gone. He thought he loved Val, in his own way. So why was what Lina thought still so important to him? Gourry didn't know, but it was, regardless. He needed some serious evaluation of his own desires, and some weighing of costs and rewards, if he were to have any chance at happiness. But now, it just wasn't the time for that. His nerves were jingling and having Lina show up was like putting his emotions through meat grinder: what had been whole and delicious prime beef steak was now a pile of cheap shit.

"Lina, Amelia– what are you doing backstage? I got you those premier seats up front," he said.

"I was just coming back to wish you luck, but now I want to know why you were such an ass to Val? Why you went and hurt Val that way, pushing him off around me? Look, you and I are long over, and I know you've found someone to make you happy. What could be better, eh?"

Gourry remained mute on the topic.

"What's the matter? Hey, you can tell me, right? I can tell how you feel about him, and you know he likes you, don'tcha?"

"I don't want to be liked, Lina. Who on earth only wants to be liked? I _like_ hot oatmeal for breakfast."

"Why do you like hot oatmeal?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you like hot oatmeal?" she repeated.

"Why does it matter?" he asked, becoming impatient with Lina. "Because it's warm and filling, I guess. That's not my point."

"I know you meant to contrast a bland and unimportant feeling with one of passion and intensity. But really you meant that you _enjoy_ hot oatmeal. That you like the way it makes you feel."

"Are you just trying to confuse me here?"

"Not hardly! I'm trying to distinguish between love and like. When it comes to the affection we feel for another person we might think mostly about how they make us feel, but as we like them, as liking them intensifies to love, then we become concerned for what they feel. It's an unselfish thing. I guess it's something I just learned myself."

"I hadn't thought about that..."

"Yes you had. You are ready to walk out on stage and possibly get into a considerable amount of trouble in order to make it up to him– that's the kind of thoughtful person you are."

"I am? All right, I get your point. I'll go out there and do my best, for him. So he knows how I feel."

"That's the spirit!"

"Don't think too lightly about liking someone either, Mr. Gourry!" Amelia broke in. "It is important to like someone you live with. You can fall out of love as well as in love. Everyone probably does lots of times, especially if you don't actually like the other person as well. Liking doesn't often grow into loving," she said wistfully. "You wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you didn't like, would you?"

He did not look up, but his lips curved up in amusement, almost as if he were about to laugh.

"No, Amelia, I wouldn't. Thanks."

He found Val, who was nursing his bruised ego over a toke with Zelgadiss. Gourry wrapped his arms around him from the back and leaned his head around.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry, man."

"Yeah, well..."

Then Gourry twisted Val around, kissing him in full view of all his friends without reservations.

When they broke apart, he said, "I'll never do that to you again."

"What? Kiss me?"

"No, turn you away," Gourry said, and then planted another kiss on Val's pouty lips, drawing back slowly. "I'll kiss you whenever I can."

"Promise?" Val asked, voice cracking.

"Promise."

"Ready guys?" Xelloss called out from the stage. "Let's get this going before the crowd's plastered."

As Zelgadiss passed him he asked, "Did they fix their problem?"

"I think so. They kissed."

"A kiss doesn't fix a problem. A kiss doesn't fix anything," Xelloss said.

"Well, this one might have."

(O)

Several weeks later, Xelloss and Zelgadiss decided to make the live-in arrangement complete. Xelloss was giving up his tiny studio apartment above the bar and Zel was giving up his computer/storage room, but they were both gaining a sense of permanency. They had spent the day apart each to his own duties with the plan to meet at the bar later. That time had arrived.

Zelgadiss entered the bar, pausing just inside the doorway while his eyes adjusted to the dim light. He was tired, aching muscles from lugging heavy boxes and furniture around making him irritable. He should have made Xelloss help him. He scanned for his boyfriend, and spotting a knot of people toward the back, he started out in that direction. If Xelloss was done packing, he should have a few bags or boxes with him-- something. He wanted to grab the boxes, Xelloss, and go. Maybe catch a bite to eat on the way. Someone moved their head allowing Zel a glimpse of the center of attention.

Xelloss.

He was perched on the table, feet on a chair and surrounded by beautiful boys who were all languishing away for just a glance, some recognition from him. The loud music interfered with Zel's hearing from this distance, but Xelloss must have been telling a story from the high color in his cheeks and the sparkle in his eyes. His arms were outstretched, as if encompassing the world at large or just the gathering of admirers, it was impossible to tell, but there was a glass in one hand. Dozens of glasses decorated the table top, reminding Zelgadiss oddly of his chemistry lab from more than a year ago. His attention retracted back on the moment when he heard Xelloss' sexy laugh over the din. He was drinking and he'd promised to stop, he was flirting although not outrageously, he hadn't packed, in fact, it didn't look to him as if Xelloss had even made it up to his apartment.

A hot flush of resentment washed over him. Zelgadiss had been emptying his spare room, clearing out his stuff, finding new places to store it, and cleaning the room so that Xelloss could move in his belongs that day, doing exactly what he had said he would do, being reliable and trustworthy and loyal, while Xelloss was having a party.

Maybe rooming together permanently wasn't such a hot idea. The last few weeks had been great, though. Xelloss had left his mark in every room without owning a thing in them. He never put anything away or cleaned up after himself, but Zel hadn't minded because Xelloss would hold him in dark on the couch and listen to it rain, without the need of talk. Because Xelloss would eat anything he cooked and praise it to the stars. Because Xelloss loved him and demonstrated it in every touch, and look, and thought. Because he made Zel feel needed and important and cherished, Zel would do just about anything for him.

But was that how he treated everyone? This crowd of boys would do anything for him, too. He made them feel...what? They made him feel...what? Did he need an audience all the time? Was he not enough for Xelloss after all? Was he just not so special or so easily replaceable from the readily available stable?

Anger surged drowning out his logical thoughts and replacing them with the overwhelming, impassioned need to knock the glass out of his hand. He needed to smash that glass, destroy it, and let out his hurt. He leaped forward just as one of the onlookers shuffled his feet.

(O)

From Xelloss' standpoint, his goodbye party was a smashing success. Every one of the usual customers showed up. He bought them a few rounds of beer, while he stuck to non-alcoholic versions. His clothes had already migrated over to Zel's place; the few remaining personal mementoes he had boxed earlier and stowed behind the bar. He had handed his apartment keys to a very grateful Miwan, turning over to him the air mattress, crate furniture, kitchen items, and, of course, the awful couch. With time remaining until his best friend, roommate, and lover rolled into one came by to pick him up, he had a nice long farewell period to regale his friends and admirers with a few last stories. He was just finishing a retelling of their last gig, when he spied his lover's hair, gleaming silver as the strands caught and reflected the bar light. The slender, lithe body whose contours he knew intimately turned his way.

"Ah, and here he is at last. Isn't he cute?"

Xelloss smiled, hoping to capture Zel's eye and entice him into the warm circle to meet everyone, but was confused, shocked even, when he saw Zel's expression. Why was he angry? What had happened? He had only the one moment to wonder before Zelgadiss came at him, leaping, no... stumbling over someone's foot.

Xelloss' world come smashing down around him as the table tipped and he toppled over and down. Zelgadiss flew over, falling headlong, face down into shattering glassware. Sparkling shards exploded into the air as if an ice castle had been blasted to crystalline bits around him. Voices cried out, among them Zel's, shrieking with pain. All Xelloss could see was blood as he somehow reached Zelgadiss and yanked him backwards off the glass. Zel came to rest across his legs, his head on his lap. Now, he was smeared with blood mixed with glass, while desperately holding Zelgadiss' flailing arms away from the shards near his eyes.

"His neck's bleeding!" Miwan shouted above the din.

Xelloss released his hold on Zel, instantly whipping off his sash and pressing it firmly to Zel's bloody neck all the while hoping it wasn't a severed carotid artery. Xelloss watched blood well from scattered chest wounds, too many to staunch.

"ER's coming!" shouted someone, possibly the barkeep.

All Xelloss could do was murmur comforting words and rock his beloved and watch Miwan cautiously remove glass splinters from Zel's once flawless skin. He didn't know when Zel's screaming stopped or his terrified eyes closed, or maybe it was his own screaming that never stopped. It was all the same.

(O)

Xelloss rented a room in a hotel walking distance from the hospital. He would only leave Zel's side when he had to: to bathe, get a few hours sleep, eat when someone put food in front of him and told him to "eat, damnit!" Their apartment was too far away and too empty for him to remain there. In the days that followed the accident, Xelloss learned that Zel's eyes had escaped harm, a huge relief, but that he had lost a lot of blood and would need a great deal of rest. He also had required thousands of stitches to close his wounds, many of which would leave scars, noticeable ones.

Xelloss was virtually unharmed and only a handful of others had needed medical treatment. It seemed Zelgadiss had received the brunt of the injuries.

"Leave the bandages alone," Xelloss told him.

"I want to see how I look. It's my face and it matters to me."

"They'll look terrible and you'll be depressed. It'll take time to heal, Zel, the doctor said so. This may leave scars, but you're alive and your hands are okay. What if you had lost a finger? How could you have played guitar? Or worse, if that glass had sunk into your neck another millimeter and severed you artery completely, you might have died. It could have been worse, that's all."

But Zel was inconsolable.

"If my face is scarred, I might as well be dead. My career's over. It's all over."

"That's not true. I'm here. We are not over. You can still sing and play and soon move like you did before, which means you'll be out there performing in a week or so."

"Not if my face..."

"What? Has a few scars? So what? It will give you character, like a fighter. I can read the headlines now: 'Boy Band Member in Bar Room Brawl.' It all makes you sound pretty tough so you'll need the scars to prove it."

Zelgadiss smiled in spite of his misery.

"Great," he muttered, looking sad suddenly, and looking away.

"What is it?" Xelloss asked.

"Nothing."

"No, it's something. What?"

Zel met his eyes, and asked, "What if I look like a monster? What then?"

"Then...we'll listen to what the doctor has to suggest. I don't know, just wait and see."

"That's not what I meant."

Xelloss pondered the possibilities a moment before saying, "You're not worried about what I might think, are you? We've been over this and I repeat: I am not so shallow as to base my feelings strictly on your physical beauty."

"Oh, please... like you would feel the same if I was an ugly duckling."

"Even if I was a swan, as long as we were on the same side of the pond, things would be fine and I'd still love you," Xelloss said, trading in his serious expression for a whimsical smile. "Now, if you'd lost your dick, then we'd be in a shitload of trouble."

Zelgadiss chuckled, tears welling in his eyes.

"Gods, Xelloss..."

Xelloss leaned over, carefully avoiding Zel's bandages, and lightly kissed his lips.

"These still work."

He lowered the sheet, exposing Zel's swathed chest and found a nipple to tease until it hardened to a point.

"So does this! The question is..."

"Xelloss!"

Zel gasped as Xelloss' hand wrapped around his private parts.

"What are you...? Not here! Someone can see! Or just walk in on us..."

Xelloss touched a finger to his lips.

"Watch this."

He took hold of the curtain used to shield a patient from view during a bath or examination and pulled it around.

"Now if someone comes in we have time to...warn them or cover you or something. No one will come though. Now where did I leave off?"

"What about these bindings? It will make a mess!"

"Not likely," Xelloss said, and then went down on him, enclosing the him with his mouth.

(O)

After that, Zelgadiss just had to trust and believe that Xelloss meant what he said, although he didn't understand why he should be that way. Why did Xelloss care for him so deeply? What had he done to deserve it? His only answer was that he, Zelgadiss, needed more time to grow up, to get over himself, before he was ready to commit to Xelloss on the same level.

He felt Xelloss move, raising his head, his elbows on the hospital bed while seated in a chair. Zel cupped the smooth cheek and ran his finger through the silky hair. And then he tried to match Xelloss' optimistic smile, but he was so tired.

"Why?"

"Why what, Zel?"

"Why do you care so much? How can you?"

Xelloss leaned closer, his eyes locking and holding Zel's.

"I like your eyes and how when you peek through your hair at me it's like a sparkling waterfall. I like your half smile and your sarcastic sense of humor and how your ears come to little points."

"I like how you stand up for yourself. When I first saw you, you were arguing with Lina. I thought that you'd let her ram her opinions down your throat, but you didn't. I like how you reason things out and give logical explanations, and when you're wrong, you admit it. I like how you give credit to others; how you humbly accept the credit others give you."

"I am impressed at every practice with how smart you are. Like the other day when you were explaining how to read the frequency monitors on the leveling thing and what wavelengths mean and why we should care. You made yourself a success, got where you were, and finished high school-- and you could go to college and be a scientist or doctor or something."

"I am amazed how your fingers create magic from your instrument. Your light touch and lightening moves. Watching you dance and play gives me goose bumps. You hear every detail and nuance and always play perfectly in tune. Your creativeness is astounding and carries into every aspect of our band, the lyrics, the riffs, the song choices. Your taste is very sophisticated yet off the wall."

"I really appreciate how you've taken me into your life, how you've shared your stuff, especially your clothes. Isn't it great that we can share clothes? How many hetero couples can claim that?"

He paused to chuckle.

"You're cooking is so good and I know I'm a terrible roommate and I will learn to do more, everything, to help from now on."

"I love the sounds you make when we make love. I know I'm the only one that's ever heard them; they are just for me and they move me to try harder to make you happy. I love how you make me feel sexy and wanted and needed and important. I love being with you, talking to you, making love to you everyday, all the time."

Xelloss sniffed and wiped the tears from his reddened eyes, having given up trying to withhold them any longer.

"I love you so much and in so many ways. And I hope...someday...that you learn to feel the same for me." He kissed Zelgadiss on his closed eyes. "I know you're asleep and can't hear, but I need to tell someone. I'm scared, Zel, for you, for us. I hope you can love yourself when these wrappings come off, otherwise...it's going to be hard on us, Zel."

He drew his breath and started to sing in a soft voice:

"Never been burned by a beautiful boy.

I always had myself a couple little toys.

None of them matter when you're lying next to me.

You know you shook me like a baby in a tree.

But, hey, is it easier to be out there on your own?

Did you find what you're looking for?

I know I'll never be the one that you adore..."

He straightened, hearing a noise in the room, and asked, "Who's there?"

An older woman pulled back the curtain with one hand while patting her eyes with a napkin with the other. He relaxed, recognizing the night shift nurse. She had obviously overheard some of what he'd said and was covering her tears.

"Sorry to interrupt you, but visiting hours are over."

He nodded.

"They were over an hour ago, thanks for the extra time."

"Well, no one but his friends and you come to visit, although there are mobs of fans trying to sneak in, and the press! Doesn't the poor boy have any family?"

"I'm all there is."

"And you aren't...related."

Xelloss shook his head.

"Here, take this and sign it on the back. Show it at the nurse's station when you come in. Now, go home and get some rest. I'm changing his IV, supplementing it with pain killers so he'll get a good long sleep tonight. You do the same, get something to eat, take care of yourself. You won't be any use to him if you go and get sick, now will you?"

"No ma'am," he replied, smiling.

He glanced at the card in his hand. It was a 'family member' pass.

"Thanks for this."

He hugged her tightly a moment, breaking away to look down a Zel's bandaged face one more time, then fled the room before he completely fell apart.

* * *

"Beautiful Boy" copyrighted by Lola Ray; check them out.

End Boy Band Chapter Twelve


	13. Chapter 13

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance **

**Chapter Thirteen -- Parting Ways **

* * *

"Go home."

Xelloss shook his head sending his hair gently swinging at the sides.

"I want to stay with you here in the hospital."

"Fine, then go home and come back, but go home and check the mail. Pay bills. Make sure we haven't been robbed. Have you even moved the rest of your things in?"

No, Xelloss hadn't. His two small packages were still stashed behind the bar, for all he knew. He hadn't set foot in the bar since Zelgadiss' accident. He wouldn't admit that to his boyfriend, though. He just wasn't ready to face all his fears.

"Okay," Xelloss relented. "I'll go."

"Take the keys."

"I can take the bus."

"Drive the car, damnit, Xelloss. It needs to be driven or the battery goes dead and who knows what else."

Xelloss hadn't driven since he wrecked his sports car in a nearly deadly accident. He was aware of a growing, superstitious-like fear in the back of his mind that everything he cared about, lately, he ruined. His car, his relationship with his mother, his boyfriend, maybe his band– what was next? All he had was his house, band and Zel's affection. He could destroy the bar. Everyone around him!

But fear could destroy _him_. He couldn't explain about all his fears-- no, not fears, just _problem_s right now. Not to Zel, not now. Not now! He had to be the strong one. He felt his mental lapse eating up time.

"I'd rather not, but– okay."

For Zel, he'd face one fear, problem, at a time...

He only made a single wrong turn on his way to their house. No near misses, no screeching brakes, no problems. Proud of his achievement, he parked in the garage, pocketed the keys, and faced his next challenge. It was the first time in almost a week since Xelloss had entered the house he and Zelgadiss shared. Without Zel it wasn't home. He opened the refrigerator and checked the contents, tossing out anything spoiled or questionable. On the counter Zel kept a "Things to Get" list, and now Xelloss wrote down: milk, eggs, bread, butter, juice– just like Zel had done and would being doing now if he were there.

After toting the garbage out the back to the dumpster, he gathered up the nerve to check out the two bedrooms. Zel's was a mess with piles of boxes loaded up against the wall and the computer, still disconnected, resting on his dresser completely inaccessible and useless. In the closet, all their clothes were lined up neatly, mixed up not partitioned 'yours and mine' style.

The second bedroom was empty, save for the beat up old mattress on the floor. He smiled. Zelgadiss never could understand why he preferred his air mattress over a typical spring one and had probably left this one for him to choose. The closet was empty, the walls and floor cleaned. The guy had to have knocked himself out to have done all this by himself. Xelloss shook his head, thinking he should have helped, but Zel had been so insistent that he not. He wanted to go through his stuff alone.

Xelloss hoped to break him from his loner habits and thought about it as he walked back into Zel's room. It depressed him with its mess; how would it make Zelgadiss feel to come home and see it? Xelloss needed to get it fixed up and he only had a few days until Zel would demand to leave the hospital. But he shouldn't come home to this. Now, Xelloss was wise enough to know he couldn't fix the place by himself. He had no 'design sense' or desire to work that hard. Besides, he wanted to spend time with Zel, not his house. So, he crammed the grocery list in his pocket, snapped up the car keys, which was easier on the second try, pulled out his cell phone, and headed out to the bar to get some advice.

Miwan met him outside the back door near the parking lot.

"Oh, Xelly, you came to the right place. First, come look at your old room."

Xelloss hesitated. He did not want to enter the bar, but if he kept his eyes on his feet and entered through the back, he could avoid the worst of it. He fought back his fears, again, mastered himself, hid his reluctance behind a benign smile and followed Miwan up the stairs to his place, his ex-place. He couldn't believe what Miwan had done with the room. Everything had been rearranged, pieces added, painted, or recovered and there were a few additions, but not many. It looked totally different. Xelloss could appreciate good taste when he saw it even if he couldn't achieve it himself.

"It's amazing! I can't believe it. How did you do this so fast, Miwan? Who helped you and how can I get them to help me?"

"I've just finished getting my degree in interior decorating– my little secret. Yes, I know, so just what you'd expect from your archetypical, emblematic gay poster boy, right? You really like it? I ditched your couch; sorry, but it was horrid. I have tons of ideas and when I get money, I want to try them out."

"Would you try them out for me? I'll pay you. Say you will, please?"

Miwan looked surprised. As if he could deny Xelloss anything he asked of him!

"Me? You can afford anyone. There are some experts out there who've been decorating for years. I'm sure..."

"I'm sure I want you for the job. I haven't time to argue. Can you start right away?"

"Well, sure, but..."

"Cool. Come on, then. I'll show you the place."

"Can I get my...?" Miwan pleaded.

"No! Now!" Xelloss said, dragging the smaller young man out the door into the near-freezing rainstorm.

When Miwan had completed his tour of Zel's house, jotting notes and measurements, his first step was to determine how much Xelloss wanted to spend and on what. He was eager to please Xelloss; he was still madly, hopelessly in love with him. He also was aware of the great opportunity Xelloss was giving him. It was his first job. He wanted to make it a show place and get a glowing recommendation. There were lots of rising young stars out there needing to improve their digs. And who knows? One of them might fall in love with their decorator.

"I know how soon you want it done, and I can do that, but you have to know that it will cost more for the extra labor, depending on what we do. Now, here's what I'm thinking _he'd_ like. Let's lay out the spare room as a guest room/office, turning the closet into computer central, installing shelving, lighting and power outlets for the computer. Get rid of the mattress and get a nice futon thing for guests, some tables like here and here, because I just know you aren't planning on sleeping on that thing anytime yourself. I mean, if you have a fight or something, you'll want to leave the house and come visit a friend, me for instance."

Xelloss laughed and rolled his eyes, but agreed that he didn't need another place to sleep.

"I have connections..." Miwan began slyly.

"Already?"

"Yes, I have connections and can get this carpeting replaced. Now, let's talk about the bedroom. First, that double bed's got to go. Queen sized for two men. I'm certain Zelgadiss won't mind with you in it, whatever it is. Moving on..."

After an hour total time, Miwan had a workable plan to make over the two bedrooms in a manner which would guarantee that the job would be completed in the allotted time. Xelloss would pay a considerable amount of money for the extra labor, but it was either that or do the work himself, and that wasn't going to happen. He signed over a check for $5,000 to get Miwan started with materials, then left to make him a copy of the keys.

Essentially, the colors would remain the same. There would be more storage and space-efficient furniture. Zelgadiss would love the computer space, Xelloss was sure, but would he be mad that he did it without consulting him? Xelloss hoped not, but there was no telling. Too late to add that to his list of worries– no, problems, yet.

(O)

Their practice schedule was put on hold until Zelgadiss was stronger, but they were paying for studio time whether they used it or not, so Val, Xelloss, and Gourry visited to the studio to lay down a few rhythm tracks. Later on, Zelgadiss could add his instrumental line, Val would work out a keyboard part, and they'd all do vocals. Xelloss wouldn't stay long. He was distracted and distracting, enough so that the others were relieved when he abandoned them, preferring his hospital stakeout duty.

Other musicians passed in and out of the studio, most of them friends and acquaintances. On one occasion, a dark-haired, lanky young man called Zangalus was hanging around, waiting for someone, presumably. He was part of Lina's new band _Slayers Next_.

"So, how's it going with you?" he asked Gourry in passing.

"Could be better. How's the band working out for you?" Gourry said.

He wasn't interested, just being polite.

"Going good, real good. You hear Lina's got a new boyfriend?"

That was one of the reasons Gourry didn't like the man; he didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

"No. Well, I gotta be going. See ya 'round."

Gourry was unable to escape. Martina blocked his path. Martina was a workaholic, slaving around the studio for a long time, as long as Gourry could remember. She worked public relations for Zelas Metallium and had had a hand in the advertising for every band under contract. Martina had also slept with nearly every male band member possible. Gourry had made the mistake, once. Xelloss had had publicity photos taken with her in skimpy clothing and had been rumored to have dated her. Gourry didn't know if they'd ever been intimate, but he didn't put it past either of them.

"You're not going to say hi to me?" she asked.

Before Gourry could sigh and say hello, she had wrapped her arms around Zangalus and announced.

"That's okay. As long as you congratulate us. We're getting married!"

Martina shook her hand in Gourry's face, showing off a large shiny stone on a ring.

"Ah, congratulations...both of you," Gourry said, much relived that both people had found suitable mates apart from anyone he cared about.

"Oh, yes. It will be a big wedding everyone will be invited. It will be THE occasion."

She was glowing. Even her green curly hair was bouncing with her exuberance.

"That's great," Gourry said. "Well, I got to be heading back to the studio."

"Did you tell him about Lina and Zolf?" Martina said loudly to Zangalus.

Gourry kept walking. He'd heard enough. If Lina and some Zolf fellow were dating, well, that was just fine too. More power to them. Everyone should be happy. He smiled, thinking of Val, who was certainly making him happy.

"Hey, you get lost or something?"

Gourry looked up and met Val's eyes. He smiled and fought the urge to wrap him in an embrace and kiss him.

"Naw, just ran into Zangalus and Martina. They're getting married."

Val rolled his eyes and stretched.

"Bummer."

Gourry watched Val unfold his arms to full extension. The bandages were off and his motion was nearly back to what it had been before the accident which had killed Gaav. He looked fit and fine. All that tempting body posed invitingly was too much for even Gourry's carefully controlled libido. He shoved Val up against the wall, licking a hot trail down Val's exposed neck, and then kissed him hard, parting his mouth and thrusting with his tongue. Moments later they pulled apart, panting.

"Xelloss left already."

Gourry nodded.

"So should we-- before I yank off your clothes right where were standing."

Val took his hand and squeezed it tightly, growling.

"I'm not a slut any more. You gotta take me home and romance me some first."

"Oh, I'll take you home, all right, but if you expect romance, you'd better be supplying it."

Val crossed his arms over his chest a pout on his face.

Gourry sighed shakily, relenting at last, then said, "I'll light a candle."

"That will do."

(O)

"Close your eyes," Xelloss told Zelgadiss as he opened the door to his house, their house now.

"I'm really not in the mood for any games, Xelloss, so just knock it off."

Zelgadiss pushed past him into front room, stepping out of his shoes and tossing his jacket across a chair. He slowed to a stop, detecting that something was not right. He could smell food, good food smells coming from the kitchen.

"Is that dinner?"

"Yes!" Xelloss bounded around him as he turned and began walking to the kitchen.

Zelgadiss opened the oven door.

"Chicken pot pie? My favorite. Did you cook this?"

"I wish, but no. Gourry did and showed me how to re-heat it. There's a salad in the refrigerator and drink, too. I think I bought everything we need for a few days. I can make us scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast."

Zelgadiss looked bemused, and said, "Sounds nice. Thanks. When will it be ready?"

"Anytime you are."

Zel nodded.

"I want to, ah, change my clothes and wash up first."

Xelloss could barely contain his excitement as he followed Zel down the hall to his bedroom. So far, things had been going pretty smoothly. Zel hadn't freaked out as much as Xelloss feared – no, _thought_– he would the moment the gauze was removed to reveal many obvious scars marring his features. His left hand was still stiff from stitches closing a wound which had nearly severed a tendon. He knew it meant the band had had to cancel a few gigs, but he had taken that news well too. Considering the circumstances, Xelloss thought he had accepted his situation admirably.

"I can do this alone. You don't have to follow me around. Ah—!"

Xelloss almost ran him down. Zelgadiss was standing transfixed at the sight of freshly painted, re-carpeted bedroom, cleared of boxes, computer, and even dust.

"I'll bet you didn't do this last night. Where's everything? Oh, the bed grew? Xelloss?"

Xelloss laughed and ran a hand through his bangs, and for a second a tuft stood straight up in the air, and then flopped into his eyes.

"Do you like it? I was afraid you might not, but the place was such a mess and I wanted your homecoming to be special. Oh, come see the other room!"

He led his friend by the hand to the next room and flicked on the lights. Zel was stunned. He moved as a man in a dream. Everything had been changed. He didn't know where to start, until Xelloss opened the doors, revealing the computer desk. The monitor glowed with the words "Welcome back, love."

"You did this...for me?"

"Well, I didn't want to look at that thing while _doing it _in the bedroom. Now we have space for guests. Do you like the chair? I tried out at least ten until I found the one that fit me best. You can work for hours at the computer and not get tired."

"But...didn't you want a room to yourself?"

"You can't be in every room at once," Xelloss said, chuckling. "Can you? I can read in bed or on play video games on the couch while you scan web sites for sex toys or whatever it is you like to do."

Zelgadiss ran his fingers lightly over the keyboard.

"It's all good. It looks great, Xelloss."

Xelloss wrapped him in a loose hug.

"I was so worried. It's your place and you didn't say I could do this. I wanted to surprise you but not offend you. It was fine before, but I wanted to make it ours. Please say you're not hurt."

Zelgadiss shrugged off Xelloss arms.

"Presumptuous is the word. You should have told me, I would have let you, but of course it's too late now, not that I'd change a thing."

He must have sensed Xelloss' tension increase, because he added quickly, "Hey, scratch that. I'm not really all here, I don't think. It's really nice, Xelloss and I'm touched by all the trouble you've gone to accommodate me. And it is your home, too, now, isn't it? You needed to make it yours. I can accept that. And you and I wouldn't have done this on our own. So, who helped you?"

"You know. Why don't you clean up like you wanted to and then we'll sit and relax, have dinner, and I'll tell you all about it."

Xelloss leaned in and grazed Zel's lips with his own in a feather light kiss, then left Zelgadiss to himself.

Zel wasn't deliriously happy, but he wasn't angry either, so that was good, Xelloss decided. He had noticed Zel left the hospital with a sack of drugs, mostly pain killers, antibiotics, and anti depressants, all of which would dampen anyone's spirits. No, he had been expecting too much from his boyfriend, too much, too soon. He'd be thrilled later when he felt better. Having convinced himself not to let Zel's subdued mood bother him, Xelloss went about setting out dinner for two.

The meal was quiet. Zelgadiss ate lightly, thanked him for all his effort, and then excused himself to the bathroom. When Zel didn't return after a few minutes, Xelloss pushed away from the table to check on his boyfriend's progress. He found him stretched out, fully clothed on the new bed, fast asleep. With a sigh, Xelloss undressed him, taking care not to scrape any tender skin or disturb the bandages, and musing when he had finished that it was the first time he had touched his naked boyfriend's body that he wasn't driven into a lustful assault on that body. But it hadn't looked like his boyfriend's body either. He didn't want to think about that right now and turn it into another fear– no, problem– to face in the morning. He turned back the covers on one side, rolled him over, and pulled the covers back.

On the bedside table he noticed that Zelgadiss had set out his numerous medications and a glass of water, empty now. Xelloss read the labels, then the warnings, then sat on the bed, mulling over the future.

"How are you going to play music doped out on all this crap?"

Of course there was no answer. There was nothing else to do. It was certainly too early for him to retire for the evening, so Xelloss cleaned up the kitchen and turned on the TV to drown out the voice of terror screaming in his head.

(O)

After a few days of sameness and very little progress, Xelloss was stir-crazy. It wasn't just that they hadn't engaged in any sexual contact, Zelgadiss wouldn't consciously let him touch his body, at all. He shrugged off hugs, turned away kisses, and avoided discussing the problem. Xelloss was considering moving to the futon to remove all remnants of temptation. He was even getting up with Zelgadiss each morning, just to keep an eye on him. On this morning, Zelgadiss was sitting at the kitchen table, cup of cooling coffee neglected at his finger tips. He was staring listlessly out the window.

"How about we take a walk? It looks nice out and we could use some fresh milk," Xelloss asked.

Zel shrugged.

"Come on, I could use the exercise, too."

"Later, maybe."

Well, that set Xelloss off. He couldn't handle this alone. He needed help and had the wits to know that he did and that he had people to turn to, so he left the room and called his band friends. Within minutes, both Val and Gourry were getting the tour of the new guest/office space. Gourry hauled out Zel's older guitar and encouraged him to pick out a tune. It took awhile, but he eventually acquiesced.

"My hand hurts," Zelgadiss complained, flexing his left hand where the stitches ran across the creases in his hands. "And it's stiff."

"Just move it a little every so often and it will get better. That's what the doc says," Gourry reminded him. "You also got to get your energy up so we can start rescheduling our gigs."

Xelloss stood in the doorway not wanting to intrude and happy someone else was taking the brunt of Zel's stubbornness. He nearly stepped in to help. He knew Gourry hated to pressure the guy, but he needed the jobs for income. Xelloss felt that if they didn't get back to work, Zel might fall into a deeper depression, however, getting him to move had been, up until now, impossible.

Val grabbed his arm, and shouted over his shoulder as he dragged him to the door, "Hey, why don't we leave Gourry to work this out and you come with me. You look like hell."

Xelloss smiled.

"Thanks, I feel like I've been there lately. Okay."

"We're heading out to do some errands," Val said.

"Okay, I got some stuff to do, too. I'll take Zel," Gourry said, and waved them off.

Once Xelloss and Val were half way around the block, he broke down.

"I don't know if I can take it any more."

"Have you called the doctor?"

"No, I guess I should. He's like a zombie only warm. Gods...he even looks like one."

Val looked at him sharply. That was the first time he'd ever heard Xelloss say anything about his boyfriend's changed appearance. The two of them had been a beautiful couple before, but now with the copious scarring caused by the accident the relationship was bound to change.

"Shit, forget I said that, I'm just tired."

"You need a break. And it's true, he looks pretty messed up. Xelloss, it's okay to tell me that. It won't go beyond my ears. I'm sure he's well aware of what he looks like by now."

Xelloss nodded.

"I guess so. He must see his reflection in the mirror. He doesn't say anything. Oh, a moan every so often when his pain killers are wearing off. He's taking so many drugs right now it's no wonder he's out of his mind."

"How much longer does he have to take them?"

"I don't know. Most of the bottles are nearly empty."

"That could be good then. Once he not all doped up he'll think clearly and get back to normal."

"Normal? He's never had an over abundance of confidence as it is. After all this... I'm not sure he'll go out on stage. I can't even get him to go on a walk. You saw how he covers his face all the time. How can he do that and sing? What if that hand's messed up with scar tissue?"

Val shook his head.

"Band's screwed."

After a few more blocks Val asked, "How do you feel?"

"Frustrated, angry, exhausted, for starts, if you're interested. If you're asking me how I feel about my boyfriend, you can forget it."

"I don't know how you felt about him before the accident, but you moved in with him and gave up your apartment. Are you staying with him?"

"Yeah, I'd be a real bastard if I didn't, but it's hard. He's not he same guy, although just getting away from it all and talking about it has helped. Thanks. Sorry I'm so bitchy."

"It's okay."

"I just don't know if I can handle all this."

"I think you can. Think how long you waited for him, a year? He wasn't nice then either. If anyone can hold out, it's you."

When they returned, Gourry and Zel had gone.

(O)

Group practices started three days later. Zelgadiss played, but didn't sing. His heart wasn't in it yet but would be, he said. He was short tempered, especially with Xelloss, who took it like a man as best he could, remembering Val's words. If things had been better at home he would have been satisfied, but Zelgadiss was still aloof, cold even. Sharing a bed was like lying with a marble statue, a heavy, cold weight on the other side of the bed. He was in general stonyhearted, insensible to Xelloss' ministrations or his suffering.

But still, Xelloss endured. He wasn't certain if he loved this man any longer, but he was certain Zel didn't love him. The realization made him sad and his bass playing lack-luster. One afternoon at the beginning of a recording session, Zelgadiss lit into him.

"Okay, I laid down a few tracks everyone can live with, agreed?" Zel asked.

"Yeah. Do we want to bass and keyboards recorded together or separate," Val asked.

"I don't care," Xelloss replied.

"Separate," Zelgadiss said. "I don't want to spend all night here redoing the track just to get a clean bass line."

That irked Xelloss. "I can get it right. It's not that difficult a riff."

"Then why haven't you got it right yet? We've been at this song for two days and you still sound like you're playing with two fingers up your nose."

Xelloss strode up to him, angry, and grabbed him by both shoulders. "Shut up! Just shut up and let me play it my way!"

"Get your hands off me! I keep telling you to lay off me. Go find a slut to screw if that will get you off my case."

"What? Off your case!"

Gourry and Val ended the session and told them to go home and work something out before coming back.

"Don't bring your personal problems to work."

Zelgadiss drove them home. Neither man spoke to the other. What was there to say? However, no sooner did they step into the house, then Zelgadiss found his voice.

"Get out. Just take your stuff and get out."

"You sound like I've been an uninvited guest who has overstayed my welcome. This is my house, too."

"No. It's. Not."

Xelloss was flabbergasted. Zelgadiss was like a stranger.

"After all we've had, we've been through... you tell me to go, just like that?"

"Do I have to pack your clothes for you to get it? I don't want you here. I want to be alone. I don't need you. I don't need anyone's pity, but especially not yours. I don't want to see your face to remind me of what I've lost, of what a freak I am now. Seeing you in the band is all I can tolerate."

Xelloss felt his heart crush as if Zelgadiss had ripped it from his chest and squeezed. He could not believe this was happening to him. He could hardly breathe, his eyes filled with tears, and Zelgadiss turned his back on him.

"I'm taking a walk. Be out of here before I get back."

Xelloss found himself in their bedroom, stuffing a few shirts and pants into a shopping bag. He couldn't remember which were his, although he knew Zelgadiss would know. He opened a dresser drawer and pulled out underwear and socks, then jammed them on top. He left the room dazed, slipped on his coat, shoes, opened the door, and just stood there. He had no idea where to go next. Val and Gourry would take him in, but he didn't want to lay more on his band mates than he already had. Lina might lend him her couch, but he didn't want to talk. She'd want to lecture him.

Xelloss walked for hours, ending up at a bus stop in an unfamiliar part of town, and from there found his way downtown to his old hangout. But could he walk into the bar again? The door opened and a couple held it for him as they left. Two steps and he was inside. The music thrummed in his brain. Heads turned and he was drawn in.

"Come back for your stuff?" asked the barkeep. "Bout time. I'm tired stumbling over it. You look like you could use a drink."

Xelloss had completely forgotten about his things. Ever since the night of the accident, his former life had come to a standstill, details forgotten. A whiskey shot glass was set before him, and he downed it in a single gulp. Two more and he joined a couple boys on the dance floor.

Someone ran upstairs for Miwan. Moments later, Xelloss blinked and noticed that the pretty young man in his arms had changed faces and that the rock and roll had transformed into a tango beat over the speaker system. His dancing was perfunctory, missing the rhythm, passing over the steps. He moved like a man in a dream, and not a very nice dream.

A glass dropped, shattering on the floor in an isolated instance of a patron's error. Nothing remarkable in the events of a bar, but the effect of the noise on Xelloss was extraordinary. He started screaming.

Miwan clamped a hand over his mouth, and then with all his strength, dragged Xelloss out of the bar and up the stairs to his room. Now this was a damaged Xelloss; clearly something worse had happened between him and Zelgadiss, more than a minor tiff. He knew the man needed consoling and he knew that a man on the rebound was a chancy thing, but it was Xelloss. How could Miwan resist?

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Thirteen 


	14. Chapter 14

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance **

**Chapter Fourteen -- Communication**

* * *

By the time he and Miwan reached the top of the stairs, the shock had worn off and Xelloss was trembling with pent-up anger instead. He was drunk, despondent, and furious with himself for all his human weaknesses, including needing Miwan. The young Japanese man had covered for him, making certain no one noticed his violent reaction to the breaking glass. He had smiled and moved Xelloss through the dance crowd, to the stairs, giving excuses, and making light of it.

"He's had too much to drink. I'd better get him sobered up before going home."

"Yeah, you take care of him, Miwan," the boys joked who had been within hearing range.

Once inside Miwan's room, Xelloss leaned against the door, shutting out the world, and closed his eyes. His head was reeling, while rage was roiling just under the surface, needing an outlet. He pounded on the doorframe, clenching and releasing his fists until the pain cleared the monster from his mind.

"Thanks. I am... indebted... to you... once again," he whispered, his breath coming in gasps.

"I'll make coffee. Sit down relax. Your nerves are shot. Have you eaten anything today?"

"Breakfast, sort of." Xelloss sank to the floor, his back pressed against the door.

After a few minutes silence he said, "He kicked me out. Just made me leave."

"Did you bring some clothes with you?" came the voice from the other side of the room where Miwan had carved out the kitchen niche.

"Yes, something. They're downstairs...with... my other things."

"I'll get them later. Right now, here's some Pad Thai leftovers. Sit over at the cocktail table. Coffee's coming up."

"No coffee. Sorry, I don't drink it. Just water will do."

Miwan kicked a pillow in place and sat across from Xelloss. He drank up the sight of the beautiful man in his apartment, eating his food, still intoxicated and vulnerable. A man on the rebound with a severely bruised ego wasn't a smart choice, but this man was Xelloss so in Miwan's judgment the ordinary rules didn't apply.

"You can stay here a long as you want, you know that."

Xelloss inhaled the food and a glass of water, but when he attempted to stand to go to the bathroom he swayed, lost his balance and fell back onto the couch.

"Whoa, let me help you."

Miwan was at his side, supporting him back to his feet.

"I'm pathetic," Xelloss groaned.

Miwan didn't disagree; he simply helped him to the bathroom, staying with him until he was finished. He had never seen Xelloss so affected by so little alcohol and said so.

"I promised...to stop. This was the first drink I've had for... awhile."

"You need to lie down."

"Yeah."

No words were spoken as Miwan undressed them both. He snuggled up alongside the porcelain-perfect body and made them comfortable in his bed.

(O)

Xelloss could feel the slender male body, the hand stroking his chest, the waist length black hair tickling as it swept across his torso, and knew it didn't belong to the man he loved, once loved, who broke his heart. His brain was protesting and he couldn't help his body's natural reaction to the caresses, but he managed to avoid the kisses. He couldn't kiss anyone right now. Hands stroking him were too much. He moaned in need, helpless, but when he felt a cheek on his thigh, he grasped the hair and pulled Miwan's face up to his own.

"No. Not your mouth. Hands only."

"I'm safe."

"So am I. Let's stay that way."

What Xelloss really wanted more than sexual release, was to feel gentle arms around him. He needed comforting and Miwan was compliant. Miwan needed someone to take care of, and Xelloss needed a caretaker.

(O)

Even though their gigs had been canceled until Zelgadiss could perform again, the band continued to work on their first CD. This was important because CD sales at their gigs were more profitable than the payment from the club owner, whose cut was often greater than their take, which then in turn had to be divided four ways. While recording progressed, it wasn't without difficulties. Xelloss and Zelgadiss did not speak to one another unless out of necessity, but they did speak to the others and perform to the best of their abilities. Zelgadiss continued to be withdrawn and irritable, but he started singing again and grew stronger.

One day, the work had gone as well as could be expected and a decision to perform couldn't be put off any longer. Zelas, by written directive, was pressuring them to abide by previous contract promises and do an upcoming gig. They shouldn't renege on any more jobs was the bottom line. Zelgadiss would have to find a way to deal with his appearance problems.

"Well, if I stood in back by Gourry, and Val took my place playing up front beside...Xelloss, then I wouldn't stand out," Zelgadiss muttered, bitterness sharpening his words.

Xelloss was fed up with his attitude. He had moved out, faced Zel's unreasonable rejection, gone quietly, asked for nothing in return, not even an explanation. It was hard accepting that Zel's feelings didn't match his, and the more they were together the more he was reminded how far apart their feelings were. He felt that there was no reason for Zelgadiss to continue torturing him, so he didn't mince words this time.

"You mean you'd be hiding," Xelloss argued. "Fans like to actually see lead guitar work not just hear it. Not to mention that our duets would be more than awkward to perform that way. The band's not all about you and your looks. You're being over sensitive, either that or you don't want to stand near me, and if that's the case then you should just _say_ so and _not_ make it into something else."

Zelgadiss shot Xelloss a haunted look, turning angry, and was about to retort, when Gourry broke them apart.

"Okay, let's not make any decisions right now. There are probably lots of ways to solve the problem if we stay cool," Gourry said, calling an end to the session. "We got another practice before the gig so we can all be thinking of solution. Let's be constructive."

He herded Zelgadiss out of the way and continued discussing changes to the lighting to accommodate him.

Xelloss flung up an arm in frustration snapped the lid shut on his bass. Val followed him to the instrument lockers, then drew Xelloss outside as Zelgadiss and Gourry were about to enter. Sometimes keeping a safe distance was the best way to defuse an explosive situation.

"You and I haven't talked in awhile. What's up?" Val began.

"He broke up with me. I've moved into a hotel room. Life sucks. What else do you want to know?"

"I know all that, Xelloss. I meant, what are you going to do about him? You're not going to give up on him, are you?"

"It's not _me_ that's given up. He told me to leave, he won't talk, he's cut me off. I thought he hated me before when he was just afraid, but that's nothing compared to the real thing. Now, I'm going to go back to my hotel room and think long and hard about what I want to do."

Val cleared his throat.

"I getcha. You are still in love, but suffering."

"_Maybe_ I'm in love. Staying in love hurts, Val. I can't keep hurting forever. It makes me want to hurt back, anyone, everyone. It makes me not the kind of person I want to be or be around."

Xelloss dropped his hands to his sides. He looked wasted and sad.

"I fixated over him for more than a year. It's not easy getting over that, especially when I see him practically everyday. I'm lost without him, but I won't kill myself over this. I would do something if I knew what to do. If I had the right words to transfix him, I'd shout them, sing them, whatever might work; if I knew the magic spell to cure him and make him love me, I'd cast it. I wish I could wield the power to change his mind and have a place in his heart. If you can perform miracles then, please, let me know because, Val, I have to admit I don't know what to do about Zelgadiss."

Val had nothing to say to him. He couldn't even touch him; Xelloss was vibrating with negative feelings. He had no idea what he could say to Zelgadiss either. Besides, that messed up kid had just slunk out of the studio, so it was too late to catch him now. Val could only stand by, watch Xelloss' retreating back, and wait for the band to disassemble. Unless... Gourry was the only person he knew who could get through Zelgadiss' thick skull, so he moved off to talk to Gourry.

(O)

Zelgadiss pulled the thin collar up around his ears, but still the rain trickled down his neck to his back, a wandering, icy finger that made him shudder. It was murder seeing Xelloss everyday. What did he have to do to get him to leave him alone and give up on him? Xelloss should find someone better, someone he deserved to be with. A talented, good-looking, rising young star like Xelloss merited more than a mutilated freak for a boyfriend.

Zelgadiss certainly didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to be the poor kid Xelloss had to stick by or else look like the bastard who dumped him when he was down– and he knew Xelloss would be loyal to him, if only for that reason. No, it was best to make a clean break now, get over the infatuation, and kill the love.

Oh gods, did he just think "love?" When had he decided that he had fallen in love? When had that happened? Oh, yeah, when it's all hopeless and impossible, of course. Better to inflict the greatest pain on himself for his stupid, stupid, stupidness.

He had doubted Xelloss, who hadn't been drinking; he'd been sipping non-alcoholic beer. No crime there. Xelloss hadn't been avoiding his work, he'd finished it quickly, giving everything away and keeping next to nothing and then treating his friends at the bar to a round of drinks. Xelloss had been sweet, thoughtful, caring, and loyal– everything Zel loved him for. But he had to find fault, distrust him, he had to suspect him of flirting, think the worst of him, and nearly attack him, but then instead, tripping over his own feet and destroying everything. He didn't deserve the love of a man like Xelloss anyway, or his forgiveness.

What had Xelloss done wrong? Nothing. Just because Xelloss wasn't the greatest cook or because he was a total slob, he'd had no confidence in him to clean up his old place and move out. And he did, of course, then he stood by him, loved him, made his house better than ever, given him everything he could when he was unable to move in the hospital. Xelloss didn't deserve to be stuck with a freak. No, not fair at all.

It was terrible seeing the hurt on his face everyday, leaving questions unanswered, watching the love of his life slowly pull away, but it was for the best. In time, Xelloss would thank him for ending it before he would have had to. He was doing Xelloss a favor, the only thing he could think to do for him. For his band, he'd go on and do his best, fight back the shame of his mutilation, and hide behind a mask of indifference. No one would ever replace Xelloss in his heart-- that would be his punishment for hurting Xelloss.

He unlocked the door to his car, and heard a voice calling over his shoulder.

"Hold up!"

Zelgadiss turned toward the familiar voice. It was Gourry loping across the parking lot after him. He waited for his friend to catch his breath, wondering what he had on his mind now.

"What?" Zel asked, although he guessed it wasn't good news by the grim expression his friend wore.

"You know I don't usually tell you what to do, but I'm about to do that."

Gourry stood tall, using his height advantage to glare down at his dear friend while preparing to say the hardest things he'd ever said to another soul.

"Now, you know I won't pretend to know what you are going through, how you feel, or why it is that Xelloss has to pay for it, but... if you don't snap out of this funk you're in, you're going to lose him. I mean _really_ lose him forever."

"That's the idea. He doesn't want to be saddled with a pitiful freak boyfriend."

"He tell you that?"

"No, of course not. He'd never just say something like that. He'd do the honorable thing and continue pretending everything was the same until he resented me and hated me and everyone would tell him he was so..."

"You are such an asshole, Zel. A coward and an asshole!"

Zelgadiss flinched and stepped back as if his friend had struck him.

"You're so afraid of being with someone, being the needy one for just a little bit, for needing to lean on someone else, that you'd just throw it all away, hurt Xelloss, who worships the ground you walk on for some reason I don't get, so you look like the big man giving him his freedom in the face of your misfortune."

Zelgadiss' jaw dropped. He had never heard Gourry talk to anyone, especially himself, in that tone of voice. Gourry certainly had never been so critical of anything he'd ever said or done before. And if that wasn't enough, there was truth to his words. Zelgadiss was a coward and that was a terrible truth to face.

Gourry had more to say to him, and he did, holding back none of the details. Everyone in the band was tired of sidestepping the problems, being nice. Zelgadiss was going to have to tell Xelloss the truth and either end their relationship honestly, or make up. It was clean slate time.

"Now, that's the last time I'm saying all this, Zel. I'm going home now. I'm counting on you to do the right thing."

Zelgadiss dove into his car, then sat, letting Gourry's words slowly sunk in, stinging all the way. He would have to apologize, but would Xelloss listen?

(O)

"Hey, Xelloss?"

Xelloss stopped in his tracks. He was wandering the halls of the recording studio complex in a daze, lost in his own dark thoughts, looking for an exit Zelgadiss wouldn't be taking. He immediately recognized the young man his same height and hair color standing under the blinking light signaling "Recording Do Not Enter."

"Nuriko? Are you here the rest of your band? I thought you worked out of Atlas City."

"We're all here now. We were in Atlas city, where we recorded, until Phibrizzo's studio shutdown. It reopened a month later under the Wolfpack label, but we'd already made our move here. New CD. Hey, I hear you've got a new band again."

"Word gets around."

Xelloss suddenly did not want to discuss his dismal life and anticipated those would be the next questions coming.

"We are signed to the same label. Word doesn't have to go very far. How's it going?"

"The band? Fine. My life? I'd rather not say."

"Anyone special these days?"

"Just over, it seems. You?" he asked as a courtesy.

"In between. I need to meet new people-- a new person."

Xelloss wasn't sure if this was an opening for him to invite the other man's interest, but since he not ready for the dating scene, he thought of another friend of his who was.

"You need any decorating done?"

Nuriko laughed in surprise, and then asked "You mean house decorating? Not really... Oh, you know someone whose does that for a living?"

"Yeah, a great guy who needs a great guy. He likes singers."

"And he's an interior decorator? Your ex?"

"No, he had a crush on me once, but we're just close friends."

"So, tell me more. What's he like? Big, small...?

"Small, femme--"

"Asian, like us?"

"Us?"

"I'm Chinese. You look part...something. The hair, you know. I'm sorry, does that offend you?"

"Ah, no...not really, just took me by surprise, that's all. I never knew my dad or saw a picture of him. My mother's blonde, definitely not Asian anything. Anyway, this guy's Japanese, very pretty with hair past his ass. But what's more important is that he's a great person. Really. He takes care of himself and is always there for his friends. He's never had a boyfriend for long, but he's not...he doesn't sleep around either. He's STD-free and tests clean."

"He sounds perfect, so why aren't you dating him?"

"I'm... I've just... The timing hasn't been right."

"You have been busy. Okay, so can you introduce us?"

"Yes. You have a car?"

"Yeah, you want a ride somewhere?"

"You know the gay bar in the brick building downtown? Well, you will. I'll show you the way. Well, we'll find him there. "

"Sounds good. Give me half an hour to finish up with the band. Wanna sit in and listen?"

"Okay."

(O)

The following day was their last practice before their job. Zelgadiss surprised them all by starting of the session with an announcement.

"I know I've been pretty hard to be around lately."

He looked uncomfortable with his arms folded over his chest and eyes averted, but no one was going to argue with him or make things easier.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I caused yesterday. It's not a good idea to mess with our lineup. It works; I'll just have to adjust, unless the fans start throwing eggs at me or something. Gourry thought the lights could put me into shadow more and not highlight my face. That should help. Okay with everyone?"

"Sure," Val said, getting his cue from Gourry and backing away.

Zelgadiss touched Xelloss' arm, saying, "We need to talk– I need to talk to you."

Xelloss' arm jerked, as if he had received an electric shock. Zel's move had been totally unexpected. In a moment he recovered.

"Um, ah..." Xelloss said, still inarticulate.

"I tried to call you last night," Zelgadiss said.

Xelloss opened his eyes and searched Zel's face until he caught his eyes and held them for an instant. Gone was the cold veneer, replaced with longing, or something like it, possibly. Xelloss was leery of sticking his neck out again and saying too much or the wrong thing.

"I was at the bar. I guess I didn't hear it. Sorry," Xelloss said without feeling or sounding the least bit regretful.

Xelloss knew from Zel's nearly imperceptible wince that he detected it too. He felt a wave of pleasure course over his raw nerves as he scored a point. He had taken quite enough from Zelgadiss, now it was his chance to give back a little.

"The bar? Oh, yeah. Were you..." Zel's voice broke, "meeting...someone?"

Xelloss realized that Zel thought that he had already started looking for a new boyfriend and that seemed to fill him with dread. Did that mean he'd still cared? Was he trying to rekindle their friendship?

"I was showing Nuriko around. His band's in town."

Xelloss thought about drawing out the story and adding to Zel's anxiety. But from Zel's bruised eyes it appeared that his words were already having that effect on him.

Zelgadiss asked, "Nuriko? I've never met him. You mean the singer in the Suzaku Seven?"

"Yes. Studio changeovers in Atlas City messed with their schedule so they've migrated down here. He wanted to meet...people, so I introduced him around."

Xelloss could nearly make out the thoughts running around in Zel's head. Zelgadiss tried to remain poised as he listened, but he looked so crushed that Xelloss was afraid he might cry. He remembered that Zel was really just a kid, younger than him, and he had been his first love. Xelloss decided to ease off.

"I introduced Nuriko to Miwan. I think the two hit it off fine. I left shortly after. You tried to call? Was it something important? We only have a minute before we are on the clock here, so–?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Zelgadiss said, his voice quiet and his face registering only minor relief; his restive eyes looked everywhere but at Xelloss' face, and then suddenly snapped to meet his eyes. "Um...how are you doing?"

"You want me to be honest? Terrible."

"Me, too. Um... Where...where are you living?"

"I'm staying at the hotel near the hospital."

"Oh."

Zelgadiss was sweating under his concealing hoodie, but the room was cool so Xelloss figured that he was very nervous, possibly ill. He could tell Zelgadiss was trying to be conciliatory, the ache of loneliness reminded him how terribly he missed him, but at the same time he reminded himself that it was Zel who was responsible for the hurt that brought them to this point. Xelloss decided that wasn't going to be too helpful. He could be hard, too.

"Well, ah, I want to talk more, later," Zel said.

"Maybe after the gig tomorrow," Xelloss suggested.

Xelloss could tell from the disappointed look in his eyes that Zelgadiss wanted to meet sooner, but Xelloss was determined not to make this painless for him. He held his ground until Zelgadiss slumped.

"Okay," Zelgadiss agreed.

The win was not worth it, Xelloss decided.

"Listen, before we lose this moment in work, I gotta know..." Xelloss said, haltingly. "can we be friends at least?"

"Ah, yeah. Friends, yeah." Zelgadiss' voice trembled with anxiety.

Zel seemed ready to launch into their talk immediately, ignoring the limited recording studio time he was eating up by talking.

"I've been so stupid, I know. I was hoping it wasn't too late. I didn't even know how to start. Can forgive me for being so--?"

"I think we should talk, yeah. Give me a call tonight and we can talk some."

Xelloss squeezed his shoulder then left to retrieve his instrument, cutting off further 'talk' which should be kept private. He wasn't certain either of them were ready to get back to more than a working relationship, not until certain issues were settled between them, and Xelloss wasn't entirely sure what those were.

(O)

Xelloss answered the phone with a simple "Hey."

"Hi, Xelloss?"

"Who else?"

"I, ah, was afraid that you might have changed your mind and not pick up."

"Oh? Well, I said I'd talk. I don't lie, Zel."

"No, you don't, sorry. I didn't mean it that way; it's just, well..."

He paused to inhale deeply before going on. It was more difficult than he thought making the call.

"I was so nervous I dialed wrong once already. Um, this is really hard. I wish I could do this in person."

"I don't know, Zel. I think we need to talk, not touch, and if I saw you, that would be hard not to do or want to do or think about anyway, you know?"

Zelgadiss though he knew what Xelloss meant. He hoped it meant Xelloss hadn't lost all his desire for him. He forced his thoughts away from that consideration; he didn't want to lose track of what he had intended to say.

"Yeah, I think so. So, I should start this..." He drew another hesitant breath and let it out. "I'm sorry. I pushed you away. That was a mistake. I see that now, but at the time... I hated myself so much you can't believe... I still do. I'm sorry. I put far too much important on appearances and I guess I deserve to have to live life as a freak."

"Stop right there. First, you are not a freak, Zel. I won't lie to you and say you look the same, but unless it's more than skin deep, those marks, well then I can get past them. Second...,"

"See? I couldn't get past them myself and I'm not sure I ever can. I didn't want you to have to pretend you still cared when you couldn't possibly want to touch me. I wanted you to be free to find someone else."

"Right, and leave you to your misery? Well, besides not giving me credit for having some character, you didn't even the chance to prove I did, and furthermore..."

"I'm sorry, so sorry, I really, really am."

"Okay! But what really hurt was that you rejected me, the _real_ me. I never am the real me, but for you I exposed myself, and then you rejected me. That really hurt, Zel. It still does. I was so aware of your infatuation with the stage version of me that realizing that that was the version you wanted, and not the true one...well, it tore me up inside."

"You sound mad," Zel said.

Zelgadiss sank onto his bed where he could stare at the emptiness. Was that true? Had he got it all wrong and fallen in love with the guy on stage and ridded himself of the real, caring man? No, he didn't think that was what happened; if fact, he was sure Xelloss was wrong about that. He'd have to correct that false notion immediately.

"Well, I can't help it! I am! I loved you. I opened my heart to you. I thought I was sharing your life, well at least your house, and had given away everything I owned except for a couple bags or boxes– I can't even remember. And what's worse, I have this cruel streak dying to make you pay, and that's not something I'm particularly proud to admit to."

Zel waited for him to finish before saying, "After meeting your mother, I can see where you get that. Okay, we both have bad sides and good sides, but you have something all wrong. I'll give you that I wasn't ready for all you were willing to give me at first. You took my breath away, Xelloss. You still do. But I have realized something."

"And that is?"

"How absolutely awful my life is without you caring about me, without you to care for, without you to just be in it. And by that I mean the real Xelloss, not just that stage facade I was infatuated with for years."

The line was quiet. All Zel could hear over the phone was Xelloss' breathing.

"I know I should never hope for us to be...what we were. How could you forgive me? I can't fix it with apologies, I know, but I wish...I wish I could make you see how sorry I am for ruining the best thing in my life. No one will ever...I'll never fall in love again."

"Again?" Xelloss' voice sounded weak.

"Yes, I love you. I did even when I couldn't say the words. I was going to take you out that night and tell you but then I saw you with all those other guys, I was tired from working and got so jealous and angry and stopped thinking. All I wanted to do was knock that drink out of your hand and... What happened next was my punishment. But, that's all past now. All I've got left are scars to remind me of what I had and lost. Well, partially lost. I still love you...so much."

"Oh, well, damn," Xelloss said. "I can't very well hate you now that you've said all that."

Zelgadiss closed his eyes and nearly wept for joy. There was lightness in Xelloss' voice which had been absent before. His Xelloss was returning. There was hope after all!

"Whew! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I mean, it's all true, but I wasn't going to tell you until we'd made up."

"Cheap shot."

"Yeah, heh," Zel said, chuckling once after detecting the note of humor in Xelloss' voice on the other end. "I would have used anything I could. Stop at nothing. I AM sorry."

"Okay, stop saying that; the 'sorry' part that is. Now, I want to be with you and go all over this again with my brand new prospective. Say it again, that other thing."

Zelgadiss lay back on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. In the dark he could make out the shapes of the furniture but not the colors. He just noticed how much he had missed seeing colors.

"I love you, the real you. The Xelloss who told me all the ways he cared for me and sang to me in the hospital."

"You heard that? I thought you were asleep."

"I heard every word. I love the one who fixed my house while I was there in the hospital wondering how long it would be before you stopped coming back for me. I knew you were worried that I'd turn out to look too horrible to love. That's why–"

"I admit I was worried, at first, for a little while. I'm only human. But all those other things about you?– the more I thought about them, well, I knew they were more important."

Xelloss wadded up another spongy hotel pillow and stuffed it behind his head. He gazed out the window into the darkness. He felt the anger ebb away as he listened to Zel's voice, his lifeline into the night. They resumed their conversation, easing into a familiar, comforting banter as the stinging barbs and revelations no longer needed saying. They needed, gave, and received reassurances that they were important, but that what mattered most was the reconciliation.

"No stars tonight. It must be cloudy again."

"You have a window open? Is it raining?" Zel asked, turning his head to look at his window, but the shades were drawn tight against the elements.

"Can't tell. The drapes are open, but it's too dark. It's also too noisy. Hear anything, the wind?"

"No wind. Is that a siren I hear in the background?"

Xelloss sighed.

"Yeah. I told you I was staying near the hospital. There are sirens all the time."

"I wish you were here," they said simultaneously, then laughed.

"It's two o'clock in the morning, Xelloss. We have a gig tomorrow, er, I guess that's now tonight. I for one have to rest or I'll collapse or I'd drive over and get you and bring you here to... to ... your home– if you try that again?"

"Are you crying, Zel? Yes, you are. Listen, I think we've come a long way tonight. And I'm not so sure... well, yeah, I'd like to try living with you again, but we'll talk about that later. Zel, you can't just kick me out and cut me off when things get rough, okay? I can't just turn my feeling off and on. Too much wear and tear."

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I'll never do that again. I'm sorry. I...I–"

"Okay, Zel, it's okay. Stop crying, calm down. We'll work things out."

"Today, when you said you were with Nuriko? That was terrible. I was sure I had waited too long and you'd already moved on and I felt so wretched. I would be so alone."

"But that's not what happened. Please, calm down, Zel."

"I-I'm calming, I'm better now."

"Good. Tomorrow, after our last set I'll go home with you."

"You will? Oh, that's good, then. That will be great. What about the rest of your stuff?"

"I was thinking of more like a date."

"Oh."

"Why don't you come pick me up here at the hotel on your way to the studio? Do we have a new road crew to meet, too?"

"Yeah, we do. Better yet, I'll get you first, then stop at the bar and get that stuff before something awful happens to it, and then go out to eat. We have to eat something. Then the studio. Then the gig. Then here and we'll decide after that what to do next. How does that sound?"

"That sounds fine, Zel. Just fine. Now, can you go to sleep? Will you be okay?"

"Yes. I'm tired but I...don't want to let go of you yet."

"Okay, how about we both get undressed and get into bed and then say good night and pretend we're in the same room and the same bed but are so very, very, tired that we are just going to fall instantly asleep?"

"All right."

"Good. I'm nearly naked."

"Me, too. I hate these scars."

"Don't mess with them. I'm done."

"Done, too."

"Good night, Zelgadiss."

"I love you."

Xelloss sighed first. "I love you, too. Now, say goodnight."

"Good night, Xelloss."

click

click

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Fourteen 


	15. Chapter 15

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance **

**Chapter Fifteen -- Cookies and a Movie**

* * *

The moment Zelgadiss and Xelloss entered the studio together, Gourry and Val both knew things had changed and hoped that it meant the worst was over. Gourry held Val back with a strong hand to his arm, keeping their distance and watching, not wanting to endanger the apparent return to cordiality, such as it was.

"Okay, so now I believe in miracles," Val whispered.

"You should. Finding you was one for me," Gourry said, smiling shyly as he brushed by Val. "Ah, the new crew's already here. We oughta show them what we want."

Val's head snapped around, following the tall blond man with his eyes.

"I've been called a lot of things, but someone's 'miracle' is a first."

Gourry chuckled. He'd never have guessed he'd fall so hard for another guy. Sure, he'd often been curious, even tempted to mess around a little with his friend, had Zelgadiss been less inhibited, and when Xelloss joined the band he was more curious still, but it wasn't until Val openly solicited him only hours after their meeting from his hospital bed, that Gourry made up his mind to satisfy that curiosity. Having the apartment, and Val, fall into his lap had been just the opening he had needed.

He had been surprised how submissive Val turned out to be. He had guessed Val to be the one to make all the moves, but instead, it was he who took over. Val was easy to convince, no doubt about that, but taking that first step had taken loads of courage.

Val was staring at him now.

"What are you thinking about? It's not about the gig I can tell from that goofy look on your face."

Gourry shook his shaggy mop, blushing.

"No, wasn't that at all. I was just remembering that first time I went to your room. We'd just moved into the apartment."

Val broke into a grin.

"You caught me totally by surprise that night. A good kind of surprise," Val added, licking his bottom lip without thinking.

Gourry swallowed hard, then said, "Yeah, well, I'd better help with the loading."

(O)

Val watched him lope off, remembering with fondness how that first breakthrough had gone, because unlike so many other sexual encounters in his short active life, that one had turned out wondrously.

Yeah, thinking back...

Val had been antsy. It hadn't taken long to find the reason once he had allowed himself to think about it. He had been falling for Gourry. He had only just moved into Gourry's apartment and had still been feeling hollow after the sudden loss of Gaav from his life. Hadn't he been in love with Gaav? No, not really, he had realized. He had been able to see a lot more clearly without Gaav in his life. He had been able to tell that that attachment hadn't been real love, it had been a dependency. He had been a slave to Gaav, a sex slave, and that had been all. It had been nothing like what he was feeling now.

It was just as well that he had been passing a park bench when the realization hit him. He had to sit down to assess the full extent of his stupidity, plus his injuries had worn him out. For the first time in, well, a long time he had obtained a new friend, someone he could trust with the things he wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone else, and he had been hitting on him in the hospital of all places. That could have been okay, if a bit foolish, but Gourry had been in love with someone else, a girlfriend that he'd just broken up with, and Val had known that. Val had still wanted him, but he couldn't have had Gourry without wrecking his life.

Val had chuckled to himself and leaned back on the bench. He had always been good at introspection as a way of dealing with life; lock things away while putting on a play for the world, usually a client, so that he could examine them later in private. He had gotten to know himself quite well over the last few years as a 'rent boy,' as they had called themselves in the trade. He had known full well that he had only been getting infatuated with Gourry because he had been consistently showing him friendship and kindness, and he'd been starved of both for so long that he was confusing them with love. Knowing that hadn't made it any easier to figure out what to do.

Life had been greatly simplified when someone else had been calling the shots. With a man like Gaav lording it over him, he had known exactly what was expected of him. Gaav had commanded and Val had not had any choice but to obey. He had always had someone ordering him, someone to obey, until now.

He had closed his eyes, enjoying the damp but fresh outdoors air for the first time in weeks, but when he had felt a few raindrops, which signaled a downturn in the weather, he had cut his rest short, proceeded home, and had fallen into bed. Val had been tossing and turning in his bed, unable to get used to the feeling of all that space, of sleeping alone, but managing to drift in and out of disturbing dreams, when he had been jolted out of his frustration by the sound of knocking on his door.

"Hold on!"

At the moment in the haze of just awakening in a strange place, he had thought he was back at Gaav's and the police were hammering at his door coming to arrest him for he death of Gaav. He had known that wasn't right, but his foggy brain couldn't fathom the current situation. Since he hadn't been feeling unpleasant enough to answer the door in the nude, Val had pulled on a pair of jogging pants once he had struggled out of bed. Opening the door, he had greeted his visitor with a charming "What the fuck do you want at this ungodly hour?" before realizing that it had been Mr. Blonde and Bashful leaning on the frame. A spectacular sight.

"Company?"

"Mine?" Val had asked, uncertain still if this was a come-on of the sexual kind or in invitation to watch TV.

Gourry's eyes had traveled over his bare and bandaged chest with unveiled lust. He had chewed his bottom lip, then freed it to glisten invitingly. One hand had been gripping the door jam, turning the knuckles white with strain. Had he been restraining himself from assaulting him, Val had wondered?

"Unless you're not interested."

Val's confusion had evaporated under that hot gaze. With a seductive smile, Val had reached out and hooked his long fingers around Gourry's meaty shoulder while slinking his other arm around his back. Slowly, he had pulled the larger man closer.

"You must be kidding me. You are the kind of man that powers my dreams."

Before Gourry had had a chance to back out, Val had both arms wrapped tightly around him, chests pressed together as he kissed him firmly on the lips. Val had been determined to be as sexy as possible, but had he discovered that Gourry didn't like the feel of a hard chest or the bristles of a man's upper lips against his, then they could have ended the coupling immediately, before any harm had been done. To his delight, Gourry had kissed him back. The kiss had deepened, Val moaning as Gourry's tongue had pushed into his mouth passionately demanding more. Val had loosened his arm's embrace just as he had relaxed his jaw, allowing the intrusion.

Gourry had used that opening to wriggle his arms free and take charge. By tilting his head back, Val had allowed the other man's mouth roam around his neck and the hollow of his throat. Gourry's light kisses, lips barely brushing Val's skin, had been like nothing he'd ever experienced before. Val had responded, his roaming fingers seeking out new unexplored territory, stimulating, eliciting more encouragement from Gourry. He had felt the bigger man's racing heartbeat and hear the unevenness of his breathing as he in turn had drunk in his scent, marking in his mind the places that would make Gourry gasp or squirm again.

Gourry had allowed Val to investigate him for a while, and then had swooped in to capture his lips with his, while dragging the two of them from their standing embrace to Val's bed.

They had kissed, bodies pressed to each other, for what seemed like hours. Val had felt his hardness rubbing against him through his jeans, just as Gourry must have been able to feel the answering bulge in Val's thin, polyester, workout pants. Eventually their lips had broken apart, and Gourry had pulled back slightly to look at Val, trapped under his weight, his prize. Strangely, Val had felt shy, like a high-school kid on his first date, but he had been captivated by Gourry's flushed face and the silver sheen of arousal in his light blue eyes.

"You're really sexy," Gourry had said, smiling at his own forwardness.

"Yeah, well, you are beautiful, there's no other word for it."

It had felt so nice, truth be told; he had liked being held. It had reminded him of simpler times, of being loved rather than been the object of a sexual assault. No one had just held him like that since, well, almost forever. Gaav's had been hard love. He had closed his eyes and relaxed into the warmth, listening to Gourry's heartbeat slow down.

(O)

"Beautiful," Val murmured to Gourry's retreating back as his mind returned to the here and now after his journey down memory lane.

"Val! Get your lazy ass in gear and help locate the cabling we need!" Gourry shot over his shoulder. "Oh, hey, those must be our new roadies."

Val shook the cherished memories back into place where he could access them again, then replied in a gruff, mocking baritone, "Coming, dear!"

(O)

Meanwhile, Zelgadiss and Xelloss were greeting a couple of Zel's old cronies from Rezo's Red-Priest label recording studio; men who had escaped the sinking ship when Zelgadiss had left for the Wolfpack studios. Zelgadiss hadn't seen them in months.

"Zolf! Rodimus! This is great! We asked for you to be our road and ground crew, but I wasn't sure you'd be free," Zelgadiss said.

"Thanks for doing that. You know there's no other musician we'd rather work for," said the handsome man sporting a trimmed moustache.

"We knew we'd need some seasoned veterans we could trust, and you'd been there with me back a Rezo's." Zel caught Xelloss' eyes for a second. "I didn't have the pull before, when I first joined Slayers; I didn't know if I had it yet, but perhaps someone else has."

Xelloss smiled and shrugged first, then said, "Guilty as charged. I agreed with you that we needed the most experienced team at our side; men we could trust and able to handle crowd control, if necessary."

"I can do bouncer," the larger, grizzled man, Rodimus, assured them. "You expecting problems?"

Xelloss leaned closer, whispering, "It's not really a secret, but we're a bunch of queers, and some people take an objection to that."

"Yer all fairies?" Rodimus croaked, eyebrows rose until they were mostly obscured by his graying hair. "Well, I'll be. Didn't think of you that way, Mr. Zelgadiss, that's for sure. I expect then that yer be needing a strong arm or two, like you say."

"I can hold off any bruisers myself. No fag-hater's going to get to any of you," Zolf bravely assured them.

"Now, you let me handle the fighting," Rodimus argued. "I wouldn't want that pretty face of yours to get messed up. What would that hot-headed, little girlfriend of yours say if I did?"

"She wouldn't like it, but it doesn't matter 'cause no one's going to get that close."

"Well, I'm that close..."

"Because you're my friend, not an attacker, you big lug!" Zolf said, chuckling. "Enough bickering. Don't any of you worry. We'll keep an eye on things. If there's a sign of trouble after this first job, we'll call on security. Mrs. Metallium has given us some leeway on that, not to mention a fat expense account. Nice lady to work for."

Zelgadiss coughed, showing his nervousness and discomfort, then said, "Only because Rezo was a tightfisted ogre who turned a blind eye to any problem that could cut into his profits or anything that wouldn't directly lead to a profit."

"True, but she is one nice lady on her own, and quite a looker." Zolf, as loyal a man as he was, wasn't afraid to stand up to Zelgadiss.

"If you say so," Zel said, grimacing as he recalled his last encounter with Zelas at her house.

Taking his expression of distaste another way, Rodimus started laughing.

"Hey, Zolf, you forgot who you were talking to. I'd expect he'd prefer your pretty face to hers, ha, ha, ha..."

Zolf shot Zelgadiss a wide-eyed look. He was blushing furiously by now, which made Xelloss sputter over into gales of laughter. Gourry, draped in cables and power cords, strode over to see what all the fuss was about. On his tail was Val, picking up the loose ends before they could get snagged in the carpeting. Xelloss was useless, nearly limp. He crawled over to hang onto Gourry's leg and use it to get to his feet.

"Don't we have work to do?" Gourry asked.

Zelgadiss sobered instantly. He introduced Gourry and Val to the crewmen, and then got busy helping them locate all the equipment the band would use that night. Xelloss noticed Gourry had been watching Zolf like a hawk, but now was greeting him with a warm handshake.

"Good to meet you. I recognize you now. Seen you in the halls," Gourry said, keeping his eyes on the man Lina was reputed to be seeing as he tried to detach the clinging Xelloss.

"What's is it, Gourry?" Xelloss asked.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and straightened to standing.

"You okay, Xelloss?" Gourry asked.

"Oh, yes, just getting all emotional here. It's going to be all right."

Val slunk up and draped an arm over Gourry's shoulder.

"I hope he means the two of them, Zelgadiss and Xelloss, and not just the gig."

Gourry nodded, then mused, "So, that was Zolf. He's dating Lina now. Did you know that?"

"No, but if he can handle her, then we got nothing to worry about from our fans."

Gourry chuckled, then said, "Yeah, thanks. Love you, ya know?"

He slapped the other man on the back and strode off.

Val's jaw dropped.

"No...I didn't," he whispered to nobody. "But now that I do...cool..."

(O)

"Ready?" Xelloss asked his fellow band members. "Okay, then..."

He strolled out onto the stage, waving his arms, amid the screams of fans. He was the most familiar, most widely recognizable member of the band, so he was nominated to introduce the band to the public. He relished the attention, but tonight he planning to put the fan's devotion to the test.

"Thank you! Yeah! Thanks for showing up! Wow, what a great crowd! Yeah! I'm Xelloss–"he shouted over the din, grinning, and waited for the roar to subside a little. "I want to introduce the new band. First, on the drums, the best and most beautiful blond hunk you ever laid eyes on, Gourry Gabriev!"

The audience screamed in agreement; girls fainting at the sight of Gourry as he beamed a brilliant smile, swept the floor with his hair from a deep bow, and caught up his drumsticks, striking a quick roll.

"At the keyboards, a new face for some of you, Mr. Golden Eyes from a band in the past, Val Agares!"

Val cracked the barest of smiles, preferring to look moody and dangerous. His unusual green hair and handsome features caused another outpouring of enthusiasm from the crowd. He glared toward Gourry, completing his 'angry young man' look, as the older man had added a flourish of cymbals to a drum roll– all for Val's benefit. It was all Val could do not to break out into a grin.

"And our guitarist, whom you all know..." Xelloss paused, meeting Zel's expectant gaze a second before continuing. "But first, what you may not know is that he recently has gone through a rather terrible accident. He's still recovering, so I'd like you all to give him your support tonight."

The audience quieted, all heads turned, eyes staring with curiosity toward the side stage entrance as Zelgadiss walked with deliberation to his position on stage, his head bent, silver hair shadowing his face. He was wearing long sleeves so that from a distance no one could see any difference. Xelloss stepped over to his side instead of picking up his bass and resuming their act.

"What are you doing now?" Zel asked him. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"I'm not done!"

As Xelloss closed in, Zelgadiss eyed him with skepticism, then alarm. Xelloss wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him on stage. A no-nonsense kiss. Breaking apart, Xelloss spun around laughing until he stopped to face the crowd again.

"So, let's hear it for my boyfriend, Zelgadiss Greywords! Yeah!"

For a fraction of a second, the stunned audience remained silent, the hush hovering over the hall. Zel's face was revealed, scars, blush and all. Then someone shouted, "Go Zel!" and the crowd went wild, cheering and clapping their support.

The boys on stage shared smiles, a sigh of relief, and then launched into their first number, a different take on an old familiar Slayers tune. This was a good starting point, they found. Getting the show off fast with a real crowd pleaser revved them all up before introducing one of their new numbers.

The fans loved the Boy Band; their talent, enthusiasm, and mutual affection won over everyone. The new band was over the first hump. When Xelloss and Zelgadiss sang a duet, the cheering and screaming rose to the painful level. If Zel was upset by Xelloss' introduction, it was forgotten in the rush of music and excitement that followed; that is, until the break. The band played a forty minute set, and would return for another after a 20 minute rest.

"What were you thinking?" Zelgadiss asked Xelloss.

His eyes searched Xelloss' for the answer to his unasked question. Did Xelloss really consider them 'boyfriends' so soon again? Zel actually hoped it was true and not just a prank he pulled for shock value.

"You took a big risk back there," Gourry said. "Though, I don't know if the fans understood it wasn't a joke."

"It's the truth. We might as well get it over with, and they'll not be able to say I fooled them later," was all Xelloss told them.

"So, are you...boyfriends again?" Val asked, looking back and forth from Zelgadiss to Xelloss.

Zelgadiss looked away, uncertain what to admit to feeling and saying curtly, "We've talked."

Val was about to push him for more of a revelation, when Gourry stopped him.

"Well, that's good, Zel. You seemed happier than I've seen you, both of you, in weeks. You're playing...very tight, nice, too."

"Yes, I think the fans like the new sound," Zel said, thankful to talk about something other than his reconciliation with Xelloss, something too fresh and tenuous to examine yet.

They continued to discuss the songs, what had worked best or not. The talking helped them unwind for a few minutes. Zolf delivered water bottles and gave them a 'thumbs up' sign, but otherwise gave them some privacy. Rodimus stepped backstage to signal that everything was okay and that 'break's over,' then he too disappeared. Apparently, there were no serious disturbances to contend with. Just before they returned to the stage, Xelloss tapped Zel on the arm.

"I meant it," he said.

Zel smiled and said, "You had better, doing that out in public like that."

"You still want me over afterwards?"

"Yes, unless you've changed your mind?"

Xelloss smiled, shaking his head, then said, "Not after kissing you in public like that. What would that say about my loyalty?"

"That you're a flirt, which the fans already think."

"They think I'm sexy, which I am. Now they know I think you are, too."

"Great," Zelgadiss muttered, although not without smiling.

It wasn't long before all their troubles were forgotten in a storm of activity. Zelgadiss was a spectacular guitarist and without a forecast of doom marring his future, his music soared with his spirits. He and Val worked the audience during a dueling guitar/keyboard instrumental that was sensational. Xelloss and Gourry kept the beat solid and the kids dancing in the aisles, boys and girls. They never cooled down until they had walked off stage following their third encore.

Zolf and Rodimus were among the first to congratulate them. There had been no incidents to speak of and the word was that the guys were hot– the band was hot. Rodimus had his two stage monkeys collect, disassemble, and load the instruments and cables, while he observed and checked off the inventory. Zolf was in charge of the equalizer and amps. The van was loaded and on the road, returning to Wolfpack Studios in under an hour.

Val and Gourry parted ways with the other two at the stage door. They hadn't said anything, but they wished them good luck. Zelgadiss let out a sigh and Xelloss pushed his hair behind his ears, only to free it again a moment later.

"So?"

"So, we are going to your place now, right?"

"Right," Zelgadiss said.

He was relieved to have that question out of the way.

"Let's go then."

(O)

Xelloss waited for Zelgadiss to open the door and enter first before he stepped inside, choosing to be the guest in Zel's home. Zelgadiss noticed it; he couldn't help understanding what it meant, causing another of many twinges of pain centered in and on his heart. The future for the two men was uncertain and this was his home, not Xelloss'. Although they had agreed to come here, after the meetings on neutral territory had gone smoothly, it was the first time they had been alone together at the sight of their terrible breakup.

Who wouldn't have reservations? He had issues; Xelloss, he knew, had issues; it was not altogether a comfortable situation. What had seemed like a great idea before now seemed weirdly askew. He could feel the tension knotting his muscles into hard rocks.

"Ah, want to watch a movie? I have a new DVD," Zelgadiss said, initiating the evening activities.

Either he would be in control or Xelloss, and right now he preferred it be Xelloss to stick his neck out. But he wanted things to turn out well. He wanted Xelloss to take him to bed. He wanted Xelloss to show him what to do so he could make love to Xelloss. He wanted to be top dog this time, if they got that far. If, big if, Xelloss would want him.

"Okay," Xelloss said.

He paused as if he was considering a chair for a second, and then decided on the couch, which would force Zel to decide whether or not to share it.

"Have you seen this one? No, of course you haven't, Zelgadiss asked.

Zel reddened, embarrassed to have brought up the subject of Xelloss' TV-free hotel room.

"Anything's fine."

As the movie began, Zelgadiss thought to sit on the floor at Xelloss feet, which Xelloss moved apart to accommodate him. It was close, but not too close. Zelgadiss had been anticipating a romantic evening, or at least a few advances from Xelloss, but so far, their reunion had been nearly platonic. Nice. Tame. Safe. No one was taking any chances, so far. But the look in his friend's eyes was darkening as he moved to sit beside him on the couch.

"Comfy?" Xelloss asked.

He ran a hand through his hair and caught himself before automatically doing it again.

Zelgadiss was so wound up that nothing short of an out-of-the-body-experience could make him 'comfy,' but he anwered, "I'm okay."

As the movie progressed, the two friends didn't speak. From time to time, he was sure Xelloss was watching him. But when he peeked out of the corner of his eyes, Xelloss appeared intent on the movie. They had both jumped at the scary part, settling closer together than before. Then the movie ended. Xelloss had been about to kiss him, he felt sure of it, when they were interrupted by the front door bell.

"I'll get that!" Zel yelled, running to the door.

A few minutes later he returned, carrying a box of cookies.

"Little girls selling cookies. Want one?"

Xelloss took three from the offered box, and then asked impishly, "How do we get started again?"

"I'll get us sodas and think about it," Zel said, hands sweating and nerves suddenly bristling.

"Just don't be too long."

Xelloss was teasing him, Zel could tell from his tone of voice. Great. They were back to square one, him being the square. He grabbed a pair of cans in front and slammed shut the refrigerator wondering what he was thinking. He hated soda with cookies. Too much sugar. When he returned, he handed Xelloss a can and took a sip from his own and nearly gagged.

"So have you come up with any solutions?" Xelloss asked, smiling up at him.

"Um. Not really. Do you know what you want to do?" Zel asked in return.

Zelgadiss was thinking furiously despite his light tone. Somehow or other he had to figure out how far Xelloss might be willing to go this night, when the guy probably didn't know himself and then fit it to what he wanted, which he wasn't sure about either. The best thing to do, he thought, was probably put the ball in Xelloss' court and let him play the game.

"Right now? No, but eventually– everything?"

Zel gave him a little smirk at that.

"Let's leave 'eventually' alone for now, though you know that there are places I don't go," he said, giving a little shudder, as much for Xelloss benefit as out of genuine distaste.

Xelloss looked down at his soda can, then back to Zelgadiss.

"Ah. I see."

No, I doubt very much that you see, Xelloss, but I'll leave you that illusion too, Zel thought. Aloud he asked, "How about we start off small and see where it goes?"

"That sounds reasonable. A reasonable solution from a reasonable man," Xelloss said in a slightly amused tone of voice, but he didn't suggest anything.

Xelloss' hesitation gave Zelgadiss the moment he needed to finally figure out how to handle him. Play it like the Question Game. Phrase every suggestion as a question that he can say yea or nay to. That would put everything back under his control, sorta.

"Could I just hold you, just to start?" Zel asked, feeling satisfied with beginning at last.

Xelloss raised his eyebrows in a quizzical expression, to which Zel responded, "It's the smallest thing I can think of!"

They both were visibly trying to relax. Zelgadiss sat again on the edge of the couch, and smiled a small smile, one that didn't reach his eyes. Xelloss set down his soda.

"Okay, let's try that," Xelloss agreed.

Xelloss slid towards him on the couch, trying to make his movements as open and obvious as possible. Zelgadiss was still nervous, unsurprisingly, so when Xelloss reached him, all he did was loop his arms loosely around his waist and rest his head on his chest, completely non-sexual, completely non-threatening; in fact, it put Zelgadiss in the position of protecting him. It took him a moment to figure out what to do with his arms, and then he hugged his friend to his body, rocking gently.

"Xelloss."

"Mmm?"

"Your jacket."

"Mmm?"

"It's digging in all over the place."

"Oh." Xelloss barely stifled a giggle as he pulled back a little, eyes dancing. Zelgadiss had a glint in his own eye, despite his martyred expression.

"Oopsie," Xelloss said, attempting to look at least a little bit contrite. "Shall I take it off, or would you like to?"

Zel's eyes widened. "Me?" The squeak would have been funny if Xelloss hadn't been more worried about him getting panic-stricken and throwing him out.

"Kind of like practice? Touching me without sex getting involved."

Yet.

"Um."

Whether Zelgadiss was entirely convinced that it was the right next move, it did mean he would be the one taking the lead now– Xelloss had turned the tables on him. He put on his most determined look, and when Xelloss stood he rose with him, keeping his hands on Xelloss' shoulders. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, staring into wide open, violet eyes, wanting to trust those eyes so it would be easier to relax.

Zelgadiss was surprisingly gentle as he slipped the jacket off Xelloss' shoulders. Gravity did the rest. He liked what he saw as he just looked him over, giving another of those little smiles that didn't reach his eyes, and nodding his final approval. Time to let Xelloss decide how much farther to go.

"Now what?"

* * *

End Boy Band Chapter Fifteen 


	16. Chapter 16

April 06

**Boy Band**

**AU: Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry break away from Lina's band and start a new one, and a new life. **

**Warning: male x male romance **

**Chapter Sixteen -- Finale**

* * *

While Xelloss let his friend's eyes rove over him, he concentrated on projecting trust.

"Well, you might kiss me," Xelloss suggested.

He felt Zelgadiss lean in to start kissing, bending him back slightly as he pressed close. Reaching around to hug him back, Xelloss could feel the tense muscles of his back like slabs of granite through his shirt. He kneaded his hands up and down Zel's spine and shoulders, trying to work the tension loose, but he might as well have been massaging a mountain for all the good it did.

Instead, Zelgadiss took an unintentional cue from him and started running his hands up and down Xelloss flanks, still kissing him hard. This was a turn-on for Xelloss, but Zel's movements were so rigidly controlled, so tense, that Xelloss redoubled his efforts to relax him. He had to stop as Zel pulled off his t-shirt in a single smooth movement, forcing Xelloss' arms over his head. The sensation of the rough fabric over his nipples was arousing, as it was meant to be, and he moaned despite himself. He even forgot himself far enough to attack Zel's shirt buttons. Xelloss had meant to leave that to Zel's decision; how much of his scarred skin he wanted him access to was supposed to be under Zel's control, but Xelloss desperately wanted the skin contact. He held his breath.

To Xelloss' relief, Zel didn't flinch as his scarred skin was revealed. In fact, he pulled them back together again, moving his lips away from Xelloss' and across his jaw, leaving a wet path.

"Gods, you're good at this," Xelloss gasped while Zel continued licking and kissing that patch below his ear until he practically writhing against him.

He had really missed this tenderness and so lapped it up like a starving man. Anyway, that was his excuse for being so out of it that he didn't notice the state that Zel was getting into. Xelloss could feel his back muscles getting tenser and tenser despite his massaging attempts, and his breathing getting more and more ragged, but it wasn't until he felt something damp on his shoulder that it actually registered with him that something was wrong.

Somehow, Xelloss managed to pull away from him a little, holding him at arm's length. He wasn't certain how he mustered the strength to do it either since his body was not terribly cooperative at the moment, and if Zelgadiss had put any effort into keeping him close he would have had to have concentrated a whole lot harder. He didn't though. Zel had practically locked himself solid with tension; his face was screwed into a grimace with another tear following the first down his cheek, his hands are shaking with the effort of holding on to himself, and the tendons in his neck are standing out like ropes.

"I can do this," he grated out, eyes squeezed closed. "I _will_ do this."

"You _will_ burst a blood vessel if you don't calm down!" Xelloss snapped back, too busy trying to get his own breathing under control to remember who was supposed to be in charge. Hell, he isn't in charge of himself right now, maybe I'm doing the best thing for him! Xelloss told himself.

"Come on," he said more gently, "sit down here. We were safe doing that."

Zel's legs buckled, but Xelloss was there to lower him to the couch. Once they were seated again, he held him close, this time with Zel's head against his chest, hair glistening like silver wire. Then the dams burst, and Xelloss simply stroked him gently as the sobs wracked his body. For a while, Xelloss had been worried that they had lost that special connection they'd shared. He and Zel had been able to touch the other almost as if they shared the same body, a mutual bond—but that was before the accident. The accident erected a barrier between them, which he felt was breaking down as the boy in his arms broke apart.

Xelloss was pretty upset himself. He had meant to keep his distance at this first reunion; he had intended to play a part for Zel, let Zel make the moves on him, if he wanted to, but not let him tangle him up in his emotional struggles. He was striving for that inner indifference that was normally so easy to achieve– damn falling in love again!

Every time he looked down he'd see Zel's face, oozing blood, superimposed on his scarred one. He couldn't help it; it was just hitting too close to home. It could have been him, his own face marred for life after his car accident. As it was, he carried the one scar, easily hidden under his bangs, and the knowledge that thirty-five kids coming home from the Cepheid versus Mazouku high school football game were all dead.

Some of the events of that night he could recall with clarity. He had crawled, bleeding from his own injuries to cradle the head of the driver who he had heard moaning nearby. He had recognized at once that the man had been the same boy he had loved in high school, and who had rejected him, Tommy. Regardless, he had comforted the man as best he could, dripping blood from his head onto the man's chest. He had been passing in and out of consciousness when the ambulances arrived. Tommy had stopped crying at some time.

"It was my fault," Tommy had moaned. "I ran the red light and I killed them all."

Xelloss had been surprised to hear that; he had thought it had been his mistake. He hadn't been paying attention to the traffic either. He had looked up as Tommy had staggered to his feet. They had been on an overpass above a freeway. The bus had been overturned; the front had broken through a guardrail. His own car had been out of view. He had been ejected from it, apparently. He hadn't been able to remember or think straight.

"T-tommy, where are you going?" Xelloss had asked, his voice raspy, and had watched in frozen horror, helpless, as the man, once the one boy he had loved, walked out of his life forever and off the bridge.

It was an awful accident, a terrible memory to be thinking about now. Death did not belong in his thoughts with Zelgadiss. Zelgadiss, he knew, suffered from depression. He was suffering now, but how much, Xelloss could only guess, but he vowed not to let a love of his end his life again. He could not live with himself.

"Zelgadiss, I'm here. I've seen your body. I saw it when I wasn't sure if it was going to die in my arms, when it was raw and unhealed. I can look at it now and see that it's you, and that is all that matters to me. I can't cure you or make the scars disappear, but I can love you."

Zelgadiss restored some semblance of self-control. He pulled away from Xelloss with a ragged sigh, but Xelloss wouldn't let him get far. His grip loosened only so that they could look at each other.

"I'm not letting go," Xelloss told him.

He made a show of gazing over Zel's exposed torso, ending with his face.

"You are worth looking at. You have a body that's taut and fit, almost as good as mine, but there are scars here and there that tell a story."

Xelloss remained intent on the face that had not yet concealed his emotions again.

"Well, that was a total fiasco," Zelgadiss said, carefully not meeting his direct gaze and struggling slightly.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. You are one hell of a kisser," Xelloss said, smiling and earning him an amused snort.

Emboldened, he tilted Zel's head so that he could see him properly. "Want to talk about it?"

Zel's head lowered again. "No," he said in a flat, final voice. "I'm okay."

Xelloss was about to push, but this was Mr. Control Freak here. Talking would have to be his idea. "Okay, huh? Mind if I talk?"

Taking his grunt as assent, Xelloss began the story about Tommy. His first love Tommy. About how he never returned his feelings, had let his older brothers beat him up to avoid facing him, had never returned his love, ever. Still, it had been something Xelloss hadn't been able to forget. He had told Zelgadiss that much of the story before, so he was brief. He did a less cursory job telling him about the accident. About how one flash of those bottle-green eyes in that plump cherubic face surrounded by a halo of blowsy, straight, blonde hair turned him to mush. About the night when, for an instant lapse in judgment, Tommy had caused a deadly car accident.

"I held on to him for what seemed like hours but could have been minutes until he finally couldn't get past the pain of his guilt, and by the time I was aware of what was happening, he was gone. He jumped from the overpass."

Xelloss furiously knuckled the tears out of his eyes, determined not going to start blubbering now, and stared straight into Zel's eyes.

"So you'll have to excuse me if I don't believe you when you say you're okay."

Zelgadiss reversed positions, hugging Xelloss to his chest now.

"It's all right. I'm not going to do anything like that. I've come to terms with it a little more, with how I look. And it does help-- everything you've said. I believe you don't think I'm an ugly freak. But I have question about a fine detail in your story. You described that Tommy guy to me before, twice maybe, and Gourry heard it too and he told me about it in case you hadn't...anyway, when you told me before, you said his hair was curly brown, and just now you said it was straight and blonde."

"Oh yeah?" Xelloss said in wonder, then mercurial as ever, smiled and pulled back a little so he could talk to him rather than over his shoulder.

Zel looked embarrassed.

"Damn. Maybe it wasn't Tommy after all? That would be funny, wouldn't it? That might help me with my neuroses, but it doesn't move us along with yours. Or does it?" Xelloss said.

"It's complicated. I don't normally do things like this."

Xelloss couldn't help smiling. They had been over this ground.

"I would never have guessed."

"Yes, well. The reason I asked you over..." Zelgadiss cleared his throat before going on to add, "Oh the hell with it, I'm in love."

If he was looking for a reaction from Xelloss, he didn't get one.

Xelloss hated having to prod him, but the conversation was beginning to feel like pulling teeth, so he asked simply to keep Zel talking, "With...?"

"A man I work with," Zelgadiss sighed. "Of course, he's about as perfect as you can imagine. We've got a difficult job entertaining people. A few months ago, I thought he was out of reach. Then I learned he loved me. Me! My world turned inside out and upside down. Everything was just as it should be, but then I went and screwed it up, my life...his life. I had said some terrible things to him and undervalued his friendship and... Oh, it doesn't matter what. Except that then I realized that I had fallen in love with him, after I'd pushed him away. I knew I loved him, and hoped and prayed that he still cared about me but... Would he ever forgive me and take me back? And even if he said he would, would he really be able to touch me again and love like he had before...before I messed up my face and our relationship. I was torn between staying apart, so he could find someone else, who wasn't a freak inside and out, and beg him to come back, if he would have me– that was the question that bothered me to the point that I just had to ask. It was just that waiting for him, knowing there was nothing I could do, it just ripped me apart. And...I knew he'd be better off without me, but I was too selfish to even stick to that belief for long. I wanted him. It has been tearing me apart all week...all night."

Xelloss nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.

"Interesting story. Could you tell me about him? I mean, if I'm being a fantasy fuck tonight, it'll go better if I know what this guy of yours is like."

Xelloss smile widened as Zel's eyes widened, but he did keep his composure, and said, "Oh, uh, where do I start? About your height, unusual deep, violet eyes, shoulder length, straight black hair that shines purple..."

He sighed, and Xelloss silently waited.

"He's also the untidiest man I've ever met, demanding as all hell, and couldn't cook to save his life. He rushes into everything with both feet leaving me to pick up the pieces, he won't listen to a thing I tell him about his guitar playing, and there's still no one I'd rather have at my side up there on stage. He's maddening. If I didn't love him, I'd have to kill him! Oh, and his prick bends a little like this."

Zel demonstrated with a finger in the air.

Xelloss giggled, covering his face with one hand.

"You don't sound like you've got serious phobias to overcome. At least you've got that. Okay,"Xelloss said, leaning over and planting a small kiss on his cheek.

Zelgadiss tensed almost immediately, so Xelloss sat back.

"Now I know why you were trying so hard you nearly gave _me_ a heart attack, but I don't understand why it was so hard on you. You want to learn how to make love to this guy all over again, right?"

Zel's face turned icy for a moment, making Xelloss more confident of his guess. He watched him force himself to relax, and make his decision.

"Yes, but I'm nervous," Zel admitted.

"About how he will react to how you look?"

"That and messing up again. It's ironic, really," Zelgadiss said with a forced little laugh. "I want to make love to ...him... so badly, but when I try to learn how..." he broke off in frustration.

"Oooh," Xelloss said, drawing out the sound. Light dawned, finally. "You're not after a fantasy here, you're looking for lessons."

Xelloss grinned, trying not to make it look too wicked as he swept some hair off his face.

"What?" Zelgadiss said, gasping.

Zel's face was a picture, and Xelloss couldn't resist prodding him to reinforce his point.

"First, you need to learn to relax with someone right here next to you, just doing nothing in particular. Well, cuddling really, but you don't have to know that. Anything else we can talk about as we go along."

"Wasn't that just what we were doing? I'm not sure putting it off is the answer."

"It isn't. I meant talking about making love to a man, what it's like, what you can and can't do, everything short of actually doing it."

"Oh," Zel muttered. It was Zel's turn to work it out and grin. "You make it sound like such hard work."

"It will be. The test afterwards will be a real doozy!"

"Oh yeah? And what if I want to really...do it... when we get there, what then?"

"Well, that's a secret," Xelloss said, placing a finger over his lips, symbolically sealing them shut.

So once again they sat and talked, taking a long time before Zelgadiss stopped twitching when Xelloss touched him, and he made sure he touched him accidentally a lot. They mostly avoided talking about sex, but by the time they were done we had worked out exactly how to set the world to rights. It was only when Zel yawned that he checked the clock.

"Xelloss, it's almost morning!" he cried out, rubbing his eyes. "You'll stay, right? Should we eat or sleep or...what?"

"How about I take a rain check on the 'or what' and take you up on the sleep part; that is, just as long as I get to sleep with you in that nice comfy bed you have."

They crawled into bed in a change of fresh underwear. It was too late to even shower. They crashed immediately, a simple shared kiss on their lips. And then Zelgadiss had a D R E A M :

_Zelgadiss opened his eyes to meet Xelloss' gaze for a moment. Both men were bashful. They spoke in tiny, mumbly voices so that he couldn't make out the words. Adding to the confusion was the inability to move easily._

_Cold water slapped at his belly. Zelgadiss realized they were standing in rising water. When he tried to warn Xelloss of their predicament, Xelloss wasn't listening. He had sunk completely under water, a shimmering of dark purple marking the spot where his head had just disappeared. _

_He wanted to scream, to dive for him, to save him, but he'd taken too long and become tongue-tied. All he had left was the light, flat, icy sound of water cascading from a hidden fountain._

Zelgadiss snapped his eyes aware, eyes wide open, the blankets braided around his legs. Xelloss was gone, his bed empty, but warm in the spot he'd occupied. Zelgadiss sat up, finding his chest damp with sweat, just as Xelloss stuck his head in the room.

"Good. You are up, I see. I have the shower running. We're both pretty raunchy after the gig and all last night. Interested?"

"Yes!" Zelgadiss said as he dashed out the door, trailing the sheet behind him. He needed something to clear that dream from his mind, and bathing with Xelloss was just the ticket.

After a necessary and thorough cleaning of both their bodies, Xelloss guided Zel's hands to his hips. He placed his own hands on Zel's shoulders, set his feet apart and waited, water pounding on his back. Zel pulled him closer and kissed him, parting his lips and grinding into him. He was ready this time. Xelloss reached back over his head and shut off the water.

"Let's get comfortable."

They did a cursory job of drying off, and then Xelloss led Zel by the hand back to his bedroom. There Xelloss fell backwards onto the bed, bouncing.

"So, you want to be on top?" he asked.

Zelgadiss crawled over him, pinning him down.

"Yes."

Xelloss pushed him off and rose to his feet. He found his pants on the floor, patted down the pockets until he found what he was looking for, and then removed a condom and lube. He brought both back to the bed, tossing the lube at Zel. The condom he waved in the air.

"Do we need this?"

"I-I don't know."

"If either of us ever has sex with someone else, then we have to from then on; no exceptions. STD's are nasty and deadly and we will not add infecting one another to infidelity, right?"

"I wouldn't ever...no, I mean, I agree."

"Good. No matter what, no matter how mad we might get at the other one or how hurt, we have to promise to tell if we contact someone else, boy or girl. Okay, so we are disease-free, faithful lovers now so we won't need this."

He flung the condom over his shoulder and slid onto the bed alongside Zelgadiss.

"Ahhhh, no one has ever so much as touched my ass before, so feel honored."

Zelgadiss smiled as he said sarcastically, "Oh, honor me more."

And Zel's earlier anxiety melted in the heat from the friction of their bodies. He discovered that being on 'top' was a lot more work. His fear of hurting Xelloss caused him to lose his willpower once, but Xelloss' encouragement, a break accompanied by a glass of wine, and his own natural reactions helped him finish.

They lay side by side, panting with the effort of their lovemaking when Xelloss asked, "So, how was it?"

"Okay. Not what I'd thought, actually. Harder. You?"

"Weird. I mean, it felt good, but it was strange not being the one in charge, I guess I mean," Xelloss chuckled. "So, I can be top next time?"

"Please. This may remain a lone experiment. I think I prefer your mouth."

"Yeah, that's fair. That's hard too, but I like it. I like making love to you, Zelgadiss."

Zel returned a warm smile. "I am so lucky."

"Mostly, though, I love loving you—being in love with you."

"Luckier still!" Zel chuckled. "I love you, too, Xelloss."

(O)

"I hate to get up, but I need to do some shopping," Zelgadiss said a little later.

"That's okay; I need to go see my mom. It's time I told her to shove it. I don't need the extra work spying out the competition, doing her dirty work. There are others who can take over, or not; I don't really care. I'd switch labels if I thought we could without getting the band into legal trouble."

"She hated me. I think she wants grandchildren."

"Ha! She didn't even want to be a parent! I don't think my being gay really bothers her, not as long as it doesn't damage my marketability. Also, she doesn't want anyone coming between her and me, that's the problem. You have an influence over me that she doesn't, which makes me more difficult to control. She's right thinking that, too."

"You don't think she'll try and hurt the band to get back at you for cutting her off?"

"No, the company needs us to succeed. If our band's a success, it will make her money, which she needs. If we fail, then, well, we'll find out what she does to failures, but I won't really care."

"She'll try to talk you out of it. What kind of leverage has she over you- do you know?"

"A contract, but there's an 'out' clause. Oh, and she can write me out of her will."

"And I take it you stand to inherit Wolfpack studios, label, and..."

"And a lot more. Yes."

"Maybe you shouldn't do anything just yet."

"She'll send me away."

"Not from me. I'll go with you. Not from the band. We'll line up work you can't miss."

"I don't want to be bound to her any more, Zel. I'm going there and settle things. Maybe keep it cool."

Zelgadiss tried to reason with him, convince him to wait.

"I'll go with you then."

"No, please, Zel, just go do your errands."

"Let me drop you off, then, at least."

"Okay," Xelloss acquiesced. "I'll buzz you when I'm ready to leave."

1The two young men finished dressing, and then drove through town, stopping for bagels and juice on the way. The previous few days of rain followed by the early morning arrival of warmer air created a dense ground fog– a cosmic change of events culminating in poor driving visibility. Zelgadiss drove slowly, carefully, but also he didn't think this was a good idea of Xelloss' and was delaying the inevitable as long as possible.

"Can you go any slower?" Xelloss asked mockingly.

"Yes, would you like me to?"

"No."

Zel dropped his speed a couple mph's anyway. He found the building and pulled up to the curb as promised. Xelloss thanked him for the ride to his mother's place, then ran up the steps and disappeared inside.

Zelgadiss put the car into gear and rolled off, thinking. Logic dictated that he should take things slowly. Let Xelloss work things out with his mother, disconnect himself from her and whatever contractual bonds he had that were not associated with the band. But what Xelloss needed was a steady alternative in his life. Someone to lean on. Permanency. Now. And so did he.

Should he abide by his heart, dredging up from his hidden, secret depths his most cosseted desires, or should he take the rational path, following the trail of logic his mind had set out earlier in the day? His face settled into broody deliberation, and he made his decision– another impulsive decision, perhaps. His last spontaneous act was to invite Xelloss to share his house the first time, and that hadn't been entirely wrong. Things had changed. They had won the break up battle and their relationship was stronger than ever. Circumstances were different. He was not the same person he was then and neither was Xelloss, so it wasn't impulsive at all the more he rationalized. More momentous, if anything. Right. So... Next, he had to inform Xelloss. He flipped on his blinkers and did a u-turn in the street, plowing through the pea-soup fog feeling savage and determined.

Halfway back, the fog thinned, sweeping along the streets in tattered sheets blown by a wind from the south. By the time he reached the home of Zelas Metallium the weather had turned, and he dashed from the car in a drenching downpour. He stood at the door and rang the bell. There was no awning or porch to protect him from becoming totally soaked. It was a most inhospitable front entry, he thought.

Waiting for the door to be opened was taking a lifetime. His heart was knocking in his chest and his legs felt shaky and uncertain. He breathed in and out deeply, but that did not steady him. He was afraid that if he didn't move he would certainly lose the rest of his nerve. Panic rose inside him, making him sick. Without realizing it he stepped forward, desperate to make a noise, to shout till someone came, even to scream. The door swung open and he jumped back. Xelloss was right behind the housekeeper, Gracie, when she opened the door.

"Why, hello, Mister...Zel...?"

"Zelgadiss," Xelloss corrected. "You know you shouldn't be here. I can take care of this myself."

"I did not come out of any _anxiety_ for you," Zelgadiss said.

He blushed, the color rising up his face in a dark tide. Again he felt exposed. He knew his emotions were in his face, and he had no idea how to hide them.

"I just was curious about what you thought," Zel said at last.

"What I think is irrelevant, for the most part."

"Not to me," Zelgadiss said quietly.

"What?" Xelloss looked disconcerted.

"It's not irrelevant to me," he repeated.

"Oh? When then, what is it you want my opinion on so desperately that it brought you here even though I told you not to come?"

Zelgadiss tried to hide the flicker of fear in his face with his fringe of silvery hair. With a cold hollow in the pit of his stomach, he plowed on, dreading his response, and yet now determined not to shirk the issue. He took one of Xelloss' hands in his and dropped to one knee.

Xelloss dipped his chin, following Zel's curious movements. His eyebrows raised, amusement in his elegant face. Gracie, inquisitive but discreet, stepped out of sight but within hearing range.

"Xelloss," Zel began without giving himself time to weigh or judge. "Xelloss, would you consider marrying me? Marrying you would bring me the greatest of happiness, and you can't refuse me, unless it wouldn't bring the same happiness to you."

The rain was trickling off his face in crystalline drops.

Xelloss smiled broadly. For several seconds they both remained motionless.

"Yes, Zelgadiss. I would like to marry you– very much."

"Then you should kiss him and bring him inside before you both catch your death," Gracie urged them, sniffing back her own emotions.

Xelloss stepped back, pulling Zel to stand before him, then moved gently closer. He could feel the warmth of Zel's body through the fabric of his soggy clothes; smell his hair and his skin which was more exciting and urgent than any perfume or cologne. Slowly, carefully, and very gently he did kiss him while standing there in the rain. It was very sweet. His heart was beating in his throat. He wanted to sing, shout.

(O)

Xelloss got a chance to sing anyway that evening at another Boy Band concert. Reviews of their previous show had already made headlines on the "What's New?" section of the morning paper. Val was the "angry young man keyboardist," Gourry, the "golden boy, the spot of sunshine drummer," Zelgadiss, the "angst-filled, mysterious guitarist" with no mention of his scarring until deeper in the article, and Xelloss was the "capricious spokesman for the band." They broke all the rules except the most important one: it's got to sound good. Boy Band, the article predicted, was a band certain to make headlines in the months to come.

Well, that was for sure, because if Xelloss' impulsive kiss hadn't jarred a few people, Zelgadiss' run across the stage the next night, mid-song, to plant a kiss on Xelloss' lips was sure to. The audience never knew what the band might do next, and that kept them coming back for more.

* * *

End, Boy Band Chapter 16

End, Boy Band.

Hope you liked it!


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